Twice Upon a Time
by Caorann fridh Bronach
Summary: YGO in a fairy tale gone wrong: a princess who has no interest in princes, deadly Glares, a djinni who doubles as a giant, poets arguing over styles, no true knights, and a quest that looks to never end. Not a plotless humor fic.
1. Expository Nonsense

**Warning:** This story has characters that may not seem in character. Or rather, they ought to seem exceedingly like themselves, for this exaggerates character flaws. This is satirical in nature. I didn't put it under the "humor" category because I think it would be a disappointment to that, and it fit better under action/adventure anyway. Enjoy.

**Dedication:** This chapter is dedicated to Garowyn, considering this is your kind of humor (and mine!). Also, great job with your own humor fic!

**Twice Upon a Time…**

**Chapter 1: Expository Nonsense**

There was once a very near kingdom called Ferula which was experiencing some difficulties. Not just the usual boring wars or plagues, but something extraordinarily serious. You see, the royal family had some problems marrying off their middle daughter, Tranquility. Equanimity and Serenity were both settled in nicely with their respective husbands, but Tranquility did not, er, live up to her name.

So, doing what any desperate family does in a time of crisis, the monarchs decided to find the closest, most unsuspecting man they could, kidnap him, and force him into compliance. Otherwise, off with his head.

A very good plan according to all the diplomats of the castle, and the working of it began instantly. But, because of the blessing of the wicked troll godmother, nothing the family did ever worked out quite right.

That night, the royal guards in their masks of black brought in a sack that was still squirming. Before their king and queen, they emptied the contents onto the sacred castle ground.

Out rolled a small…boy. The king looked at the queen. The queen looked at the king. Then they both looked at the boy who was now on his feet and scowling at both of them. He was doing the Glare of Death, but being so young, he had not had time to really work on it, and instead of withering the royal couple, it merely made them blink.

"Let me out of here! All I was doing was walking home when these brigands seized me! You're so going to regret this. When my bigger, tougher, older brother Put'oh Gruff finds out, you're doomed!"

Now, the queen looked at the king, and the king looked back at her, and they knew exactly what the other was indicating. For, everyone knew the Gruff family. One of them _had _mastered the Glare of Death, though obviously not this one, so action needed to be taken immediately. Besides, no doubt the reason they knew of the Gruff family would come back to annoy them if they just kidnapped this boy.

Oh, yes, Put'oh Gruff was ever so famous. Or rather, infamous. He gave speeches on many things that were of vast important to saving the standard of living, protecting the environment, and overall just getting along. The monarchs never wanted to hear such boring speeches again. It may have indeed been that fear of boring speeches, and not of the Glare, that made their reaction so prompt. Of course, they would never say that.

If they did, the boy Gruff would tell older Gruff and older Gruff would make it a personal commitment to convince the king and queen of their selfish, rude actions and write them letters, create rallies, and do everything that just complicated the already-too-much-to-handle-without-gray-hairs (yes, they both had a couple) life of the king and queen. I mean, they were always trying to decide what to spend their money on and just who to go to war with for some miniscule detail, what outfits they should wear and make into a new fashion, not to mention the fact that making the plan for a seven-course banquet every night that was not repetitive was simply impossible.

"We'd better ask our witch what we should do. Everyone knows we can't just let this boy Gruff go. He'll tell his brother, and then everyone will be in danger of the Glare of Death. If only looks couldn't kill…" The king shook his head, wishing Put'oh would just lose his voice, his eyes, and his hands…heck, his mind. But knowing him, he'd find a way to continue with his mission regardless.

"I'll go round her up. Until then, keep this one in your sight. How long do you think we have until Gruff's brother arrives?"

A booming at the door answered the question for them. A few screams were abruptly silenced, and then a voice trying to be cold said through the main door, which fortunately was barred from within, "I know you have my little brother Gruff. And, until you give him back to me, I'll use my power of The Indestructible Glare on everyone in your household!"

Just hearing those simple words was enough to send the automatic "bored" signal to the brain, and the king stifled a yawn.

Meanwhile, the queen had gone for the witch, who was grumpily coming back. She hated getting up in the morning.

"It's easy," she explained, holding out a mirror with a yawn of her own. "Just turn this on the elder Gruff and his glare will reflect back to him and turn him to dust!"

The younger Gruff was not at all pleased by this, but a guard had gagged him so that there could be no communication between brothers.

The king took the mirror hesitantly, looking into it. To his surprise, a voice spoke out of it.

"What side of the bed did you get out of, you old wrinkly prune?"

"Not that mirror!" the witch said hastily, snatching it back and giving a different, silent reflective glass. Then, she used the first to put her long blonde hair back in order, smiling at the mirror's approving whistle. "I love you too, hon."

The king glanced at his wife and muttered, "I knew we should have gone with the ball for all peasant males."

"It would never have worked, dear," the woman replied. "There's just no romance in meeting a person at a ball, seeing their beauty, and instantly feeling the heart beat faster as you take that first, inevitable kiss. Trust me; threats are the best way to make certain a marriage is going to last and be truly romantic. Or else, find a really warty toad for our daughter so she can transform into one herself since that is closer to her personality."

Resignedly, the king agreed. "You always know best, my dear. After all, it was you who swore you would lay siege to my castle and burn everyone within unless I married you, and I can't say I could ask for a better mate!"

They looked fondly at each other from the memories before the boy Gruff attempted his Glare of Death again and made them sigh. The guard holding him loosely put his other hand over the boy's eyes, but the moment was lost.

With the elder Gruff still waiting outside the door, politely and patiently waiting to be responded to, the king took the mirror and went over to the door.

He called out, "I'll have you know that we indeed have your brother captive, and if you won't do as I say, we're going to marry him into our family!"

There was a quick inhale. "How dare you! You'd never! I'd rather see his throat slit than married to that danger-seeking wench! Besides, there are at least seven years' difference between them! And, he's not old enough to be married! You're going to overpopulate the entire globe if you continue to marry at such a young age—right in the midst of the most fertile years."

The queen shrugged, not understanding what the big deal was. Her eldest daughter had been married when she was six. And the more children, the better off the world. Who didn't like children?

"Do you think we care about the rest of the globe? All that matters is our own kingdom and our own wants! If this causes problems for our children later, they can deal with it. I'll be dead and gone by then."

Such ignorant selfish dolts…Put'oh could never cease being astounded by the actions of those around him. So much for just waiting patiently for them to see reason.

"Look, just return my brother to me."

"Only if you marry our daughter instead of him."

Another hiss of breath came from the other side of the door. Some people just didn't understand…why would he ever want to marry the princess after what he had just said about her and the growing population? Voice again taut, he asked, "Can I compromise? What if I find someone else to marry her?"

The king looked back at the queen (okay, now how much can really be exchanged in a look? And just who do they think they are, telling secrets before everyone that no one else understands? I think they just like to try to see their reflection in the others' eyes.), who raised her eyebrows at the king, and he turned back to the door. "Okay. If you find someone who will marry her, we'll give you back your brother, Mr. Gruff."

"You'd better keep your word. There are enough separated parents in today's society without adding stolen brothers to it. I'll be back…"

&&

"No one will ever marry that girl. I have to dupe someone quick in order to get back Muggy!" Put'oh Gruff pounded a fist into his hand as he paced onward in the overcrowded village, proof that the monarchs were not the only ones thinking selfishly. "Now, where do I find the nearest gullible person?"

"Eh? What's that? You're going to go guzzle someone! That's nasty! Cutting them into such small chunks you could actually guzzle them like a drink…" the speaker, fair-haired and in armor, suddenly drew his sword. "I will make you regret wanting to guzzle someone!"

Put'oh stopped walking. "Obviously, not very far."

The Gruff looked over his enemy without appearing very impressed. One, he could always use his Glare to make this fool die where he stood. But, two, there wasn't even a need to waste such power because this one didn't even realize he held his sword backwards.

Now, most swords had two-edged sides, but, as was very evident just from sight, one edge of this sword was extremely dull. Judging from the rest of his appearance—the scuffed-up armor and dented helm—Put'oh could already imagine why one edge was blunt.

"You're the perfect person." His eyes roving all over the get-up, Put'oh Gruff grabbed the young man's blonde hair and dragged him after him.

&&

**Note: **All right, if you have read this excerpt, there is no reason not to review. None. (Do you know there are people who have me on favorites or author alert whom I have never gotten a review from? They did not all do it anonymously!) You should at least give the author some indication that your interest was attracted enough to scan over the page. Why not review? Just say one word and it will make this writer blissfully happy that she has mail of some sort. Flame for all I care. I can't make this story better in your terms if you don't tell me what you think. And, if you really don't know what to say, answer this question: Do you understand the names? Don't worry; I'll explain them if I must after there are more names involved, for fear not, more characters are coming into the story, and it gets better once they do!

Thanks if you do review!

All the questions you have...they will be answered soon. And this does relate to YGO, believe ir or not. I was hoping you'd notice the characters are the same...well, some of them.


	2. Definition of Idiocy

Now that I have gotten you thoroughly confused and apt to stop reading altogether, I will explain. Names will be the number one aid, I assume. This story is satirical and almost allegorical. The names all have a point. Most are based on synonyms—hence, Put'oh would be the character _Set_o. To "set" is to "put." Oh, and if you don't think he is acting at all in character (as in no character flaw exaggerated), there is a truth about him you don't know yet. Hint: why would I use the name "Seto" when he is more commonly referred to as "Kaiba?" Just bear with the story, please.

"Muggy" I don't expect you to know. I looked up the meaning of the word "Moky" (Mokie didn't exist) and the weather terms of "misty" and "muggy" were what it meant. The others that come through later on should be self-explanatory after this…I hope. I always use the dubbed names because they are easier to come up with synonyms!

There are a few OC's as well, sorry. (aka the monarchs and maybe someone else)

**DaRkNeSsApPrOaChEs:** Don't worry; the king is not Seto—I am hastening through the role of the monarchs—soon they will not be a part of the story. And this is definitely not about Serenity, but she is in it (still debating how much she will be in it). Thanks for reading.

**AmnarRanma:** The above should answer your question of what it has to do with YGO. The characters are present; they just have names to make fun of them. Also, I am ever so gracious for your review.

**Anonimous 199:** Thanks so much for reviewing. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Garowyn:** Glad you understood. I knew I could count on you!

**M.S.:** Thanks so much for trying my story out! I hope you keep reading and continue to enjoy it. Again, thanks!

**Chapter 2: Definition of Idiocy**

"I have the one who's going to marry the princess!"

The queen looked at the king whose eyes were widened back at her. "That was fast," she said.

"Marry a what's-it!" came another voice.

A guard was standing by to open the door, but the monarchs did not yet give permission.

"We have to be certain of his commitment first. And I don't want to risk that Glare. I still don't trust this Gruff, even with his sibling in our grasp."

"Who's in your grasp?"

Both turned. It was him, Muggy Gruff, standing free and looking smug.

"I guess you've never heard of my reputation. I'm an official Squirmer." He pointed a thumb at himself proudly.

"But…then why did you allow yourself to get caught by our guard in the first place?" A Squirmer should have been able to free himself from anything.

He shrugged. "I wanted some excitement. Besides, it got my brother Gruff to finally be able to take the action he has been plotting for so long—he can finally go about rescuing me instead of being paranoid about when I will be kidnapped. So, I thought, why not?" He moseyed over to the door, tripping at least twice on the way. "But, now, I'm going to let him inside or he won't be pleased. He's probably having a panic attack right now."

The guard was helpless to try to keep a grip on the child. Every time he tried, Muggy slipped free and attacked the door. The door, however, was something the guard could hold onto, which he did. Soon, though, the youngest Gruff—oh, yes, there were certainly at least three of them—bit the guard and managed to remove the safety bar.

"Come on in, brother Gruff!"

Put'oh Gruff flung in the pathetic "knight" and entered after him. His eyes were dangerously narrowed but no where near the Death Glare yet.

"Pretty nice shack you've got here," the knight said, looking over the great hall. He gave a little nod of approval as if he had to give such praise for the place to be worth anything.

The king looked at the queen, who shrugged. Anyone was better than no one.

He stood to give a formal speech, placing one hand on the knight's shoulder. "I hereby 'prince' you…" He looked at the Gruff with a quick glance, but the king did not want to risk making eye contact with him too long. So he turned back to the demented—um, _dented_ knight. "Uh, what's your name?"

"Axel! Just call me The Sir Axel." (1)

"Very well. I hereby 'prince' you, The Sir Axel. Now, you may politely ask for my daughter's hand." After a very brief pause, he corrected himself, "No, let me _beg_ you to take my daughter's hand."

"Sure, I'll hold her hand. What are we doing, crossing a street? What a glorious pursuit for a knight to deal with! I can't wait to stop hordes of riders from dangerously trampling her fragile form under foot!"

The queen looked at the king, and he could hardly hold her look. Would they marry their daughter to someone so brainless? Well…

Yes, they would.

"We'll go get her. Just wait here for a moment." After another sly look, the king and queen parted ways. The queen headed over to their chapel to fetch the priest who would perform the ceremony.

Put'oh Gruff would have stayed around just to laugh at the expression on The Sir Axel's face when he realized his predicament, but then the reputation of his Death Glare would diminish. People couldn't know that he would just watch marriages without slaying the bride and groom.

"Ready to go?" he asked his younger Gruff counterpart.

"Sure. But, say, brother Gruff, can we stop somewhere on the way back?"

"No." Heading to the door, the guards stepped aside to let them through. "And, while I'm thinking of it…why are you even here?" Eyes narrowing once more, he said warningly, "Muggy Gruff…you wanted this to happen, didn't you? I don't think I'm going to let you be taught the Glare of Death any longer if you can't even use your Squirming ability when you need it."

The threat was futile because Muggy knew how much his brother wanted him to be able to protect himself. "Can't we even visit brother Sailor Yesah Gruff?" They continued walking, and each time the boy tripped or stumbled, Put'oh's arm shot out and stabled him.

"No."

"What about brother—"

Put'oh Gruff shook his head. "No. We're going back and we aren't taking any shortcuts, visits, or stops because they always lead to adventures. You know I don't need you getting into trouble before your lessons are done. I don't want you getting into mischief at all! You have to start being more careful, Muggy. That is the only reason I am still taking you to your lessons at all. Speaking of which, you have a lesson in two days. We have to pack up and change my speaking schedule. I was to talk about the effects of too much carbon dioxide in the atmosphere from too many bonfires, but it looks like I won't be here. It won't do to be late for a lesson with _him_."

In other words, there was no time to go off on a shortcut adventure. There was no way either of them was going to be late for the lesson. Muggy Gruff exhaled loudly, but he said nothing more.

&&

The priest was shuffling along after the hastening queen, but even with the tugs on his arm, he would go no faster.

"Such a lovely girl…so sad she is going to be married already. So young…"

The queen harrumphed and shook his head. Tranquility was extraordinarily old to be getting married. The middle daughter, she should have been married at least seven years ago. By now, twenty, she had gotten too used to her freedom.

"Where is The Sir-_Prince_ Axel?" she muttered once reaching the great hall. When she saw a trail of threads leading from where her heirloom tapestry had been hanging, her face went a little white.

"Oh, dear…"

She hurried along the trail, leaving the priest to look feebly around the room with his reminisces.

The trail grew thicker, a myriad of colors still twisted and bent from being so long sewn together. Then, a little farther, she heard shouting.

"Take that, beast!"

The queen froze as she saw The Sir Axel mutilating her family's heirloom tapestry with the blunt edge of his sword. Occasionally, from pure chance of his inferior fighting skills, the sharp side sliced some of the threads. With his frolicking dancing performance, it was his legs that kept the great embroidery unraveling as he struggled to keep after it. The main object of his prey was the unicorn in the middle that had used to be white.

"That'll show you to point that thing at me! Ha!"

Debating whether to attract his attention in order to save what remained of the remarkable work, she decided to leave him preoccupied until the wedding. That way, there would be little chance of him realizing what was happening and backing out.

&&

Meanwhile, the king was using mincing steps up to his middle daughter's room. He really wished that people turned out like their names suggested. He and his wife had tried so much by naming the three, but apparently, their blessing from the troll godmother worked too well.

Well, there was no putting it off any longer.

"Tranquility, dear?" he called feebly, bracing himself for a response. But none came. So, the king continued up the stairs until the door was immediately in front of him. "Tranquility?"

Slowly, he creaked the door open, and to his great relief, discovered it was empty. Maybe she had run away for good.

About to run down the stairs to eagerly explain the great news to his wife, a new thought dawned on him. She might return.

Tranquility had the uncanny ability of getting into all sorts of mischievous endeavors. What was worse, however, was her natural talent of escaping any trouble with only a few broken nails that she had hewn off herself in order to look more formidable.

Tranquility, had she run away, would be back. There was only one way to truly lose his daughter, and that was to marry her to someone in a nearby kingdom where the roads were so safe that she would never get it into her head to visit her parents. After all, a safe land proposed absolutely no adventure, and that was what Tranquility commonly sought.

&&

Thanks for the reviews!

(1) Wheeler would be this character


	3. Axel Meets his Equal Intelligent Friends

**Note: **I love leaving this a little too much…feel free to ignore it at your own intellectual peril! Muahahaha.

**Garowyn:** All right, not anonymous! Thanks for the detailed review so very much! It certainly makes me very happy! (I am such a review hog!) Glad you are noticing little inserts and that you like the Gruff brothers. They'll be back...

**Tawnykit:** Thanks for sticking with the story and telling me how much you thought it was funny! I never think it is too funny anymore, so I was worried. Maybe it is just because I'm the one who writes it. By the way, been working on your own story?

**Anonimous 199: **Thanks for saying I have funny parts! Sometimes, I thought it was just me…Also, thanks so much for continuing reading! Sorry, no email this time. I thought this note would be enough. : )

**KonekoTsuki: **Hey, I exported this chapter and reposted just so I could leave you a note! Thanks so much for reading this story, especially considering that most people find longer ones duanting to begin. Don't worry,theGruff brothersdefinitely returning! And nice quotations.

**Chapter 3 Axel Meets His Equal-Intelligent Friends**

"Dear," the king began, "we have a problem." He whispered what he knew, which wasn't much, but it was enough to cause both faces to remain pasty white.

She looked at him. Then both their gazes fixed on The Sir Axel who was now known as The Prince Axel. They nodded.

"The Sir Axel," the queen began, then she corrected herself, "The _Prince_ Axel, I have a quest for you to undertake."

"Eh?" He stopped hewing at the tapestry for a moment. Wiping away sweat-matted locks of blonde hair, he turned to look at both of them. "A quest! Where, when, and what for?"

Apparently, all thoughts of his marriage had been forgotten. It was a good thing the monarchs had that all still under control.

"Our daughter has been kidnapped," the king continued gravely. "We need you to go rescue her. But, her trail has been covered. Is it at all possible you will manage to scent her trail and bring her back to us? If you do, there will be a grand prize awaiting your triumphant return."

"Fear not! The Sir Prince Axel will return your daughter safely and make the wrong-doers pay for their crimes!" He was about to leave the castle instantly, but the queen stopped him. "Uh, yes, Your Majesty?"

"Do you even have a plan? And I think you need comrades." Then, peering closely at the dullard, she asked, "Do you even know which daughter we were speaking of?"

"Peacefulness," he replied immediately.

"No. That would be our third cousin's twice-removed father's godmother's step-daughter. We are speaking of _Tranquility_, of course."

"'Course I knew that. But, say, don't you trust me to work on my own to get back your daughter?"

"No. Yet, don't worry, you'll be the one to get the prize. But, there are a couple people who I think would do wonders to help you on your way. After all, even the best heroes need help. We'll have some partners for you soon enough. I think I know just the people…"

&&

Giving a toss of his greased black hair, the young man snootily raised his nose away from the other young man next to him. His partner gave him a push, which started an all-out shoving contest.

"Be you in trouble now and here if you continue to act drunk on beer!"

"Stop it! You think your poetry better than mine?"

"Of course I do, you pathetic minstrel. A troubadour is far better to you I tell!"

The king and queen smiled at Axel. "Your partners. They had been keeping our oldest daughter awake long enough by spewing their voices throughout the night under her window, so I thought it would do wonderful for them to join with you."

The black-haired one's eyes misted over. "Ah, fair Serenity! An earl's prize she'd be!"

"You aren't an earl," the other retorted, "even if you gave yourself that name. It means nothing. The Princess Serenity would never go for you. Your rhymes are pathetic."

"Oh? Tell me this, or else desist: what have you to be charming to my beautiful darling? I hear no saintly sounds arising from your mouth. I tell you, you are most uncouth."

The other grumbled. "I told you before; I use free verse. Now shut your mouth, de Vlin."

"The _Earl_ de Vlin I shall be or you will no longer see!"

The Sir Prince Axel was gaping at the two young men near him. While the king and queen hardly noted any difference in intellect in any of the three, the knight sputtered, "You'll make these imbeciles my comrades?"

"Imbeciles! That's it! A minstrel has a very important task!"

"Oh, woe, he has taken his words and used them harshly as he does swords." De Vlin clasped his hands before himself, adding, "If but the lovely Serenity was here today, she would undoubtedly give me leave to him slay."

"I don't even understand their language!" Axel groaned, clutching his head.

Remorseless, the queen gestured to one figure as yet unnamed. "You will also be traveling with him."

The last figure was short, which was why no one had noticed him yet. Smiling shyly, he gave a little wave at the knight. What stuck out about this guy was the strange contortion of a hat he had on his head. Not a sign of any hair came through the ugly gray thing that stuck up at least six inches on his head. Circular and flattened on top, it would have resembled a lamp shade except they weren't invented yet.

"My name's Sama-san-dono." (1)

De Vlin, who liked to be known simply as Earl, laughed. "That is getting presumptuous and long, my friend. Worse than my own name is your series of ends."

The small young man with the tall hat blushed. "All right, that's not really _my_ name." He did not, however, tell them what _his_ name was.

"Doesn't anyone have a normal name?"

The minstrel looked around. "Well, uh, I'm called Ernest." Axel did not like that name any better, so he quickly continued, "That's why I go by Tanner. Tanner Clothier, but you can just call me Tanner." (2)

"Weird," Axel muttered. "And dumb."

"Hey, you think 'The Sir Prince Axel' is any better? Come on!"

The two were apt to go at it right there, much to the joy of His Excellency de Vlin. It just meant less competition for the Princess Serenity (yes, she was married, but that did not deter anyone—made it even more romantic) (and The Sir Prince Axel was a threat as well since anyone who saw the princess automatically fell in love with her lustrous hair, her genuine smile, her beatific stare, the gowns she wore in style…) Ahem. That is, de Vlin could think of no one who could resist the charms of her, not that she ever put them out for mere minstrels or troubadours when she was married, of course. No, she was pure and innocent and…

Well, enough of one young man's thoughts.

The queen looked at the king with a tight smile, and he returned the gesture. Soon, all these nuisances would be out of their life forever… Still, there ought to be at least one person who could help them on their way so that could succeed.

Turning to a guard sent on a special mission, he asked, "Have you found anyone?"

The guard went to the door and opened it. In walked a knight beget completely in armor from helm to iron boots. Clanking, the knight strode forward and bowed to the king and queen.

"I will go seek out the Princess Tranquility and return her to you safe and sound. Fear not."

Strangely echoing, the knight's voice made the other four cease their arguing or contemplating or watching.

"Another one! I thought I was the knight in charge!"

"You are," assured the king. "But your title is appropriately 'prince,' and we thought you could use a little more help. Don't worry; as I said, you get the prize when you get our daughter back."

De Vlin and Tanner looked at the king. "A prize?" And, since there were obviously no rhymes, you should know who it was.

Mr. Free-versifier shot an angry look at The Sir Prince Axel, but of course, he was no where near as dangerous as Put'oh Gruff.

"You, too, will get your reward if you return. We'll let you sing to our daughter as much as you want from 2 in the afternoon to 4."

One eyebrow raised in query, de Vlin turned to Clothier. There seemed to be something special about that time already, but neither one was able to actually spot it out. Unfortunately for the king and queen, the new knight laughed.

"You mean, you'll give them the time-slot set aside for silent contemplation in Princess Serenity's husband's land where to speak is to be assigned a place in prison."

Frowning, the king and queen wondered if perhaps they had gone too far with wanting a smarter person to help these fools. There was no need to have this knight helping them too much. Struggle was the needed ingredient in a heroic tale. Everyone knew it shaped the hero if it didn't kill them.

"I think it would be best to go out the quest immediately. Remember, find our daughter and the reward is yours!"

With the excitement of the beginning of a journey on them, none of them protested the reward for the music-makers. Seeing no need to waste energy going to the front of this pack, the knight with at least some semblance of a brain followed along behind them, helmeted head glancing to the left and right in order to see anything completely.

&&

(1) Honorifics in Japanese, intended to give a person respect.

(2) Do I have to say who these people are? This is the only one I am doing...Tristan Taylor.


	4. Boarding a Ship We Will Take Forever To ...

**Tracy Smith: **Hey, thanks for reading thus far!I hope you continue reading. To be honest, the ending is not yet completely unraveled in my mind. But soon! And don't worry, Gruffs are back!

**Tawnykit: **Thanks for sticking with the story! Glad you liked it. Also, I know what it is like to struggle with time. I really shouldn't've posted "The Taste of Bitterness" yet…Anyway, good luck, happy birthday, and happy reading!

**Fan of Fanfic: **Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm glad you and your sister liked it! Your review made me so happy…I hope you continue reading and enjoying it.

**Anonimous 199:** Wow, nice grammar on your review (It is I). Thanks for continuing to read my story and to find it amusing. Also, I like the encouragement to keep going. It really makes me excited to post.

**The Fifth Champion:** Thanks so much for understanding the characters without the explanation! I was ever so pleased to get the reviews on every chapter! And you even got up at a respectable time in the morning instead of staying up late. Good! Also, when you said I had the tone I was going for…it made me so happy. Thanks!

**Chapter 4 Boarding a Ship that We Will Take Forever To Leave**

Three minutes later, the group halted.

"Where the heck are we going?" Axel asked. He had been following the others for _quite _some time now, he thought, and they were getting no where.

"We're trying to find the princess," Sama-san-dono—or rather, the person whose name was not _really_ that—reminded them.

The knight in back scoffed.

"Say, who _are_ you?" Tanner asked as he spun around.

"Your only chance at succeeding. Just call me Sir Gawagon, No, that's not right. Guyahad? Drawthur. Naw, those are just dumb. Call me Sir Blaydelot. I think it sounds catchy."

Axel could not get over all these people's names. Pathetic. But, as he was the hero, his was the only name that mattered anyway, in order to go down into history.

"What I really want to know is whether we will find the princess before snow. Wither did she go?"

Blaydelot strode onward. "As to that, I know just where to head out to. I had a hint from a peasant a bit ago about seeing a determined lass in quite the gown getting onto a ship and sailing across sea. So, to the sea we must travel!"

One knight was more than enough, The Sir Prince Axel was thinking. Of course, those stupid monarchs had ruined it for him. They had "princed" him, making it impossible for him to go back to being a knight. He could feel the adventuring spirit leaving him already. Now he was going to have to work extra hard to maintain it.

Various people milling around made way for them as they strode forward, one destination in mind. Then, once the shipyard's open waters came into view, the five all inhaled in sync.

Hoarse cries of men came from all levels, for the sailors were in the rigging, on the mast, on the docks, on the ships, or below the water inside the ship. Various seabirds cried shrilly from even higher up before plunging to the ground to snatch a morsel or crumb.

"Money?" Blaydelot asked. He had out a purse and was counting coins.

The Earl de Vlin was running his hands over his hair. "Sea will not agree with my hair, I fear. Is there another way to travel out of here?"

"Tough for your hair. We're going by ship. Now hand over your money."

The short young man instantly handed over all his cash, and his bag seemed remarkably heavy compared to the others', with exception to Blaydelot himself. Curious, Axel looked at the little man and wondered just why he had been chosen to go along. Such a small person certainly could not fight the brigands who had gracelessly snatched away a monarch-in-the-making.

When all the money had been pooled, the real knight took enough to purchase places on a ship and went off to the swiftest one. It was called _Virtually Unstoppable_.

Gathering aboard the long ship, the crew cast them sour glances from where they were working to set sail. For some reason, all the people of the crew looked exactly the same. A red bandanna over the head, stubble covering the chin, and a striped shirt atop brown pants. But even their faces had the same shape, and every one of them had an earring in the right ear of the same type and a missing tooth on the top corner on the left. Somewhat eerily, the adventurers glanced at all of them and swallowed. But, the ship had already set sail away from the land. And, Blaydelot seemed excited by the added seeming danger.

"Who's ship is this?" asked the young man with the hat.

"I'll find out," replied Tanner. Somewhat cautiously, he moseyed on over to one of the squinting crew members. His hands were in his pockets as he tried to look well-at-ease, but his façade was easily broached.

"Good afternoon, isn't it?" he started. When there was only a wordless grunt, he continued, "Quite a nice ship. Who's the captain?"

"Yesah. Captain Yesah Gruff."

"Ah, I see. Thank you." Then, trying to look inconspicuous, he raced back to the others.

However, by the time he had gotten there, the others had already had a scare that gave away just whose ship this was.

The Squirmer, who had evidently just done that from close to murder on the older Gruff's face, was talking to the others on board.

"Welcome to my brother's ship! How do you like it?"

"Yours?" Axel asked Put'oh Gruff, not seeming to understand just how close he was to turning into cinders just from the look in the man's eyes.

"No," he said. "But I believe in ship-pooling. Otherwise, I wouldn't be aboard this ship at all." He turned away. "Muggy Gruff, get over here right now and stay below. Otherwise, this trip to brother Gruff's will not happen."

"You can't do that, Put'oh! You wouldn't want to anger _that_ brother Gruff. That's why you cancelled your speeches."

"I know," he said tightly. "Come on." He grabbed his brother's arm, but, as could be expected, the boy twirled right out of it.

"You're absolutely no fun, Put'oh. I'm going to visit brother Yesah now. He'll let me climb the rigging!"

Suppressing a growl, the young man had to let his younger brother do as he wanted; there was absolutely no way to stop him physically.

Blaydelot, though his helm was still on, had his eyebrows raised. "Sailor Yesah Gruff's ship? Not too bad, then…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked, and because I am tiring of using pronouns and other things, he will be called by his not-name, Sama-san-dono. "This is a very safe trip?"

The knight pulled off his helm at last, letting his long brown hair tangle in the wind despite its being tied back in a tail. With a grin that made him look mischievous, even girly, he shook his head. "No, I mean we're definitely going to run into pirates."

&&

The king's heart was slowly calming back down to normal. The queen sat beside him on her throne and smiled at her husband.

"Don't worry, dear. I'm sure everything will work out some way."

"But remember our blessing from the troll godmother?"

That was always coming back to haunt them. So, pursing her lips, the queen gathered an idea. "Let's go consort with our witch. She can cast some divining spell to guess how everything will work. Then, if we have to, we can take more action."

He smiled tenderly at his wife. "You always have the best ideas. All right, go call the witch, Yor Love."

The queen made a face. "I do wish she'd get a better name. It's not as if she is my love…"

Chuckling, the king replied, "That's why it is _Yor_ Love. No doubt, she got tired of being called someone else's. Just think if her name were 'My!'"

The witch was summoned back from where she was taking her much-needed beauty rest. Covering a yawn with one delicate hand, her purple eyes glared out at the monarchs. A witch was never appreciated. Besides, unless they wanted her to look like all the other old crones that passed for witches, they ought to let her get enough sleep.

"What is it this time?"

"We wanted you to look into the mirror to see what the fortune is for those searching for our daughter."

Smothering an impatient sigh, she dug out her favorite mirror—yes, the one that constantly praised her good looks—and asked to see the fate of the adventurers. Contrary to common belief, there was no need to rhyme. In fact, that legend was begun by none other than the Earl de Vlin, who, being a troubadour, traveled many lands spewing his rhyming lies about things people began to take as perhaps-fact.

"What's the future for the people searching for that annoying Tranquility? And don't waste any time!" she added when the mirror was about to start by praising her once more.

Sullenly, the mirror's surface clouded over to _slowly_ bring out the image of those searching for the princess. They were on a ship out to sea, a tiny speck growing closer to the ship from a distance. As Yor stared at the surface, she began crooning over one blonde-haired knight. You guessed it; it was none other than The Sir Prince Axel, and he was trying to lower himself over the edge of the boat with a rope so he could fish with his bare hands.

"Oh, what an adorable man! You hired him? What's his name?"

Abruptly on her words, the mirror went blank. However, Yor was too busy questioning the monarchs to notice her object's sudden jealousy.

"Who? It doesn't even matter; what about the future?"

"Prince Axel," the queen murmured despite her husband's question.

"Axel," Yor sighed. Then, seeing both their faces, she returned to the mirror. "What's up? Why don't you show me the adventurers?"

The mirror remained but a reflective glass.

Exhaling loudly, the witch apologized to the king and queen. "It looks like it is being moody again. You'll have to excuse it; I really have no control over what happens with this mirror."

After being wearily dismissed, the royal couple heard her sighing "Axel" a few more times as she walked away.

The king and queen looked at each other for an entire minute. It seemed the curse was back…


	5. Still on That Ship

**Chapter 5 Still on That Ship**

The adolescent boy raced off to the captain's cabin, much to his elder brother's distraught attention.

"Yesah! Brother Yesah! Can I climb the rigging?" Muggy pounded on the captain's door

"You most certainly can!" came a cheery voice from within.

Outside, glaring, Put'oh finished, "…not!"

The captain opened the door to his compartment, ruffling Muggy's hair. Though he was nearly the same age as Put'oh, a crippling disease had struck him during puberty, and he was forever stunted in growth. Against the common belief, however, his sea green hair was _not_ a byproduct of the disease. But people liked to tease him that it was the color that made him a captain of this large ship.

"Yesah Gruff," Put'oh began sternly. "You cannot simply put our brother—"

"Come on, Put'oh. Let the boy have some fun. He isn't going to just fall into the ocean; he's been climbing the rigging secretly forever now that he's quite experienced."

Face whitening, Put'oh whipped his worried face to his younger brother, but Muggy was already dashing away.

He turned just as quickly toward Yesah. "Yesah…this is all your fault for encouraging him."

"Ah, no, Put'oh. Our brother was this way from the start. And as many lessons as you bring him to, even though it is your twin teaching them, Muggy is not going to suddenly change to be responsible."

You'd think Muggy would begin to trust this twin, a genius. Then again, as twins, they were both geniuses. But, the youngest Gruff never took exception to that; it did not matter if the rules came from one who knew a great deal more; he would obey himself utterly.

"Well, you'd better believe that if he gets into trouble ever while doing something you did not hinder, I'll turn you over to my twin."

"Ah, no, I don't think it would work that way, Put'oh. I know how busy _he_ is. He wouldn't bother teaching me a lesson. I still don't know how you managed to convince him to make room for Muggy…"

Put'oh did not grace him with a reply. He was sworn to secrecy, but he knew that his brother had a soft spot for the youngest Gruff. They all did, and it was becoming apparent that Muggy was a little spoiled.

The speck that had been in the looking-glass was slowly becoming larger. Though he had seen it long since, the knight Blaydelot was ignoring it as anticipation rose higher. Helmed again in preparation, he was staying silent. A real attack from pirates was coming. Captain Yesah always managed to attract their attention because of his rich connections. Some of the Gruffs had it well-off, and it was likely that some precious cargo going between organizations was onboard. Despite this, Yesah continued to sail freely. It was a rule: even if their morals were against yours, it was unfair to not give them a chance to get to where you were then. Or, rather, nothing was completely owned by anyone, so if there were a chance someone could steal it, you had to give them chance. It was as amusing as a game.

Gradually, one of the seamen caught sight of the approaching ship. He yelled, "Attack, ho! Ready the supplies!"

Of course, having just come up the stairs to the deck, Put'oh Gruff launched into a full-blown panic attack.

"Muggy!" he screamed. "Get over here now!"

Sir Blaydelot had his hand on his sword, and the others near him were just beginning to comprehend what was happening.

The short one began to frantically pull off his hat (finally letting the others see his hair) and begin to do strange, various things to it.

The Sir Prince Axel stared at him, still dripping from when he had fallen into the ocean and had needed to be hauled out.

"What are you doing?"

"This other self seems to come forth from me if I twirl this hat three times over my head, flip it upside down, push the top out the bottom, sniff the interior, put my hand inside, crumple it around my hand, turn it back right-side out, and drop a dandelion inside."

There was silence.

"How the heck did you ever figure that out?"

The young man was only continuing his antics at high speed.

"Another self? That is as unusual as an elf."

"Elves exist!" Tanner said, turning toward the troubadour. "I would think you of all people should realize that with all the ballads you supposedly sing!"

Earl de Vlin crossed his arms. "My intelligence is not at argument. It is whether this other self is truly present."

Having dug into his pockets in a mad search, the short young man dropped one crumpled and withered flower into the hold of the hat, and everyone watched closely.

Immediately, the young man grew ten feet and his hair vanished, leaving a completely bald scalp where there had been a jutting hairstyle previously that had somehow fit under the lampshade hat. It had not been the most attractive, but at least it had been hair. The sun reflected onto the sea and now the bald head was as sparkling as the water.

"I am Sama-san-dono!" the new being boomed.

The Sir Prince Axel gaped up at the figure. "Now I know why you were invited…"

The tall figure looked down at himself and sighed. "Kun will never learn."

"Who the heck is Kun?"

The giant placed the odd hat on his gleaming head. "You don't know? That's what he _likes_ to be called. His real name is something else." Even from so far away, the others could see a vicious smirk on the being's face.

"Oh? What's his name?" Tanner called up.

The smirk widened. "Ooh, I can't wait to reveal the secret. No doubt he never wanted you to know. But now, it is too late. His name…" he paused for dramatic effect, then continued, "is Billy Bob."

Everyone agreed he would rather change his name than be called that.

Before any more questions could begin, the others were aware of people shouting at them. One crowd was of sailors, pointing to the listing side from the sudden weight. The other was Put'oh Gruff, his finger aimed directly at a tuft of black hair perched tightly to the rigging.

"Get him down!" he shouted to Sama-san-dono.

"You think I take orders from you?" the giant responded coolly. "If that was why Kun released me…" He looked around the place, a creepy grin coming over his mouth when he saw a ship bearing the white banner. "Ah, this is why I was let out."

"Who is that?" Captai Yesah asked as he came atop. "I never agreed to let a giant onboard!"

Sama-san-dono glared at him. "I'm not really a giant. I'm a djinni. It's not _my _fault the role of giant had no takers and I had to double for a giant stand-in. If Kun would just learn how to release me in djinni form, I wouldn't have this problem."

Now, don't worry if you feel confused. Everyone was confused. Well, I guess that shouldn't make you feel any better. The group was _always_ confused…

But all will be revealed in due time.

Blaydelot was back to gazing at the looming pirate ship, brown eyes sparkling in excitement. He pulled back his loose strands of hair and replaced them within his binder, readying himself for a fray.

"Be what you are," Yesah was continuing, "but you have to move closer to the center of the ship or we're going to go in the complete wrong direction. Better yet, why don't you go walk onto that other ship and tip it over?"

Now, doing things that way wasn't strictly fair in the code of ethics (reminder: everything belongs to everyone and everyone deserves an equal chance to steal it), but Yesah could have cared less. After all, he had to get to a certain place before a certain time (his brother's) or his life would be forfeit—at least, he'd wish his life was forfeit. Do you blame him for changing the rules?

In fact, it was the thought of what was waiting ahead that made him finally looked around, see his youngest brother, and shout for him to come down. Even if they made it to the place on time, without Muggy, their lives would still be forfeit.

Sullenly, the boy obeyed this brother and dropped to the ground only to be enveloped by Put'oh Gruff in some semblance of a hug. "Don't you ever do anything so dangerous again!"

As a Squirmer, Muggy could have broken free, but he allowed himself to be squeezed for the moment in order to calm down his brother.

Then, promptly, he was grinning upward and still full of excitement. The kid was never tired.

"Hey, why don't you think of some smart way to defeat those pirates, Put'oh? That way, you can concentrate on something and stop being such a worrier. I'll stay right by your side if that'll make you happy."

It would only make him so happy…After all, there were still plenty of ways Muggy could be killed or kidnapped (yes, even despite the Squirming ability) or wounded or mind controlled or poisoned or…even if he were right next to him. But for the moment, I have decided to stop giving him ulcers, gray hairs, and a frantic heart rate, and he actually began to think of ways to be helpful to all of them.


	6. Meeting Some Generic Pirates While Still...

**Chapter 6 Meeting Some Generic Pirates While Still on the Ship**

These weren't just any pirates. They were the dreaded undead-by-moonlight-for-stealing-gold-and-unable-to-rest-until-they-harnassed-enough-souls-or-rather-until-they-retrieved-all-the-cursed-gold-and-returned-it-where-it-was-from kind of pirates. Hmm. Doesn't that seem familiar? Well, it's a good thing that I got a little carried away. They were, in fact, for the most part, anyway, very much alive. The captain…well, he was of another sort.

It was the captain who was, at the very moment, steering the ship and laughing insanely. Cackling manically. Snickering utmost madly.

Well, you'd better get the picture. No one was able to calm him down or bring him back to this world until one pirate came over with news.

"The captive wants a word with you," a sneering pirate said.

"He always wants a word," the captain replied when he had enough air from being rudely halted mid-guffaw. Somewhat hoarsely, he added, "But I'll take his words if he wants to give them to me!" Then he flashed a rather missing-tooth smile and threw his head back to send his cackling to the sky. It was a good thing he did, as his breath reeked of something long dead.

In fact, everything about the captain was reminiscent of death. Well, that would obviously be because he _was_ dead. His stringy gray hair was mainly in various chunks, and he had a patch over one eye because of the fact that the eye was missing. The other one, through some freak of the anti-nature, still existed and had enough moisture to function. But his hoarse breath and rotting death emitted from cheeks long sunken from decay. It was a good thing the rest of his pasty pale body was clothed in remnants of rough burlap.

Dredged out from the pit where he was commonly held, even though there was no light and his skin was so white it was almost translucent, this young man had always had a pale complexion. But now, he just looked sickly. That probably had something to do with the boat and with the captain's erratic steering. He seemed to love to make the ship do extra turns when a straight line would be best.

Clutching the unstable railing, the prisoner dragged his exceedingly heavy, long chains over to the madman who was the captain. Surprisingly, they had a similar appearance. It was almost like the captain was a long-dead ancestor of this prisoner.

"Yeees?" the dead thing hissed. "What's bothering you this time?"

"You…" the prisoner took a gasping breath before spitting out, "know very well what's bothering me!" Again, he paused. "I want off this ship! So, when we attack that one nearby, I want permission to leave."

Mainly because of the missing teeth, the captain's exhale whistled angrily. "You know what that means. I'm bound to you; cursed to follow my kin to protect them to the ends of the earth in reparation for my sins. And, being the last of my kin, you're not being very polite to give me many options of what I can be doing. Don't you ever take into consideration my own wants? Pillage, gold, money, wealth, power, glory!"

"Why would I care about you? You're dead."

It was, indeed, a statement of truth. And, try as he might, the captain could not come up with an argument against that. Despite his endless plots to take over the world, his own mortality was never part of the thoughts and therefore never given the opportunity to be defended.

"That's just mean, Barleyo."

The pale figure shrugged; chains clinked.

Giving a gusto sigh that seemed able to make him collapse into a collection of body parts, the captain turned away.

"Do what you want—what you're able. Then, if you get free, I'll have no choice but to follow you." He nodded with a creak at the pirate sailor, and the man grabbed Barelyo to return him back to the hold. There was no point in testing the young man's eagerness to escape.

&&

After many diplomatic relations (endless threats and curses), Sama-san-dono was finally standing in the middle of _Virtually Unstoppable_. All about him, men were scurrying to turn the ship and prepare it for the inevitable battle.

"What's on board that needs a sword?"

Tanner, translating—he had had countless studies of the art of poetry and could rattle off a paraphrase in a matter of seconds— asked, "Why are we getting attacked by pirates?"

Yesah, still watching the foreign ship, had his eyes narrowed. "Because this is _my_ ship."

"Oh, I see." Turning back to tell the troubadour, a confused look crossed his face. "No, I don't."

Ignoring him, Yesah shouted to the sky, "Do you see, father? I will make you proud and no one will steal my cargo!"

Predictably, everyone's eyes went to the sky also, but there was no convenient aircraft there to give sense to the sea green-haired young man. Maybe the sky was empty because no air crafts had been invented yet.

"Our father's dead," Muggy explained to the others. "Has been for a few years."

Sama-san-dono chuckled. "Let me guess; he was an overbearing tyrant that was using his sons to make a worldwide corporation of weaponry and eventually was outsmarted by one of his sons and committed suicide by leaping from a turret."

Put'oh scoffed. "Where'd you get that idiotic idea? He was a woodsman and was eaten by a wolf."

Exchanging looks, the group had no reply. However, Blaydelot was whispering the predicament of why they were being attacked by pirates to any who were listening (which was, as you should remember, because Yesah was always carrying special cargo apt to be stolen. Remember, stealing is a right!). Axel rattled his sword in its sheath, finally succeeding in drawing the growing-rust poking stick.

As the white-sailed ship drew up alongside, ropes and anchors were flung across the sea to latch themselves onto the _Virtually Unstoppable_. Finally, Yesah went into action, calling all his sailors to aid him in unhooking the lines.

"Don't even think about it," Put'oh said, resisting the urge to place a worthless restraint on his young brother's shoulder.

"Come on, Put'oh, you never let me do anything! Unless you've thought of a way to win this little skirmish, you have no reason to stop me."

"Of course I've thought of a way to defeat them. I call it Checkers." He turned toward the group waiting the ambush. "Don't just stand there! Follow me! Even you can be of use, The Sir Axel!"

"The Sir _Prince_ Axel!" he corrected, jogging after the Gruff.

"Now you can just stand here." Put'oh adjusted where he was in one direction and then smugly watched a pirate who had grabbed a rope to swing over smack into the ex-knight. Body jarring, the pirate fell into the sea.

Moving the others and ordering them to always be watching for a pirate trying to get on board, the elder Gruff proudly looked around. All along the way, body checks were taking place. His "checkers" were just what was needed.

That meant that young Muggy was unable to help—his brother had thought of a way to win the skirmish. Disappointed, he watched all the action from the side of the ship not near the pirate boat.

While Axel was mightily excited to be physically attacking others, the one getting the most joy was Sir Blaydelot. He was vibrantly flaying down any pirate who came within fifteen feet of himself (tennis it would be called, but that hadn't been invented yet, either), sometimes nearly falling into the water. But, he never actually toppled from the side.

Axel did, of course. Getting himself wet once more, his place was unprotected. And, the nearest comrade to help suddenly backed away in fear of the water.

"Cover the area!" Blaydelot screamed.

Somewhat quietly, the Earl de Vlin replied, "I can't swim. Already I see my eyes grow dim…"

Tanner scoffed. "I think your hair is greasy enough to repel enough water around your head that you would be able to breathe even if at the bottom of the sea."

Sama-san-dono countered, still just standing in the middle of the ship, "I don't think his very bad at all. You should have seen mine…"

All stopped their movements to stare at him and his glistening bald egg.

"Oh, yes, I had a lot of hair at one time. I used to make spikes out of it all. Quite a girl-getter!"

By then, multiple pirates had managed to get across ships, and The Sir Prince Axel had managed to swim and climb aboard the wrong ship.

Yesah was gripped by the top of his sea-green head, and he sighed angrily that he had never grown as tall as Put'oh. All the other pirates had their swords drawn and pointed at those closest to them. Out of extreme agitation for his brother's safety, Put'oh was unable to think at all. There was no new plan being formulated except by Blaydelot.

A creaking, noxious movement paced across the planks. With his black hat firmly keeping his hair attached, the pirate captain smirked with rotted lips.

"Ah, Yesah Gruff. Or, I should say Yesah Black Sheep. I've come for my treasure."


	7. Yes, Don't Worry, We Are Still on the Sh...

Because I am feeling in a great cheerful mood (and there were a couple questions still remaining), I am going to put a key in this chapter. This way, you can check up with how you are doing on names and characters.

The Sir Prince Axel is Joey Wheeler

Tanner (Ernest) Clothier is Tristan Taylor

Earl de Vlin is Duke Devlin

Sir Blaydelot is ? (name based on Lancelot; outside character-sorry)

Kun (Billy Bob) is Yugi Moto

Sama-san-dono is Yami Yugi (the other Yugi)

Yor Love is Mai Valentine

Nameless monarchs are no one

Yesah Gruff is Noah Kaiba ("yes" to replace "no")

Muggy Gruff is Mokuba Kaiba

Put'oh Gruff is Seto Kaiba

Pirate captain (learning name soon) is Yami Bakura (Spirit of Millennium Ring)

Barleyo is Ryou Bakura ("Rye" replaced with another grain-"barley")

**Chapter 7 Yes, Don't Worry, We Are Still with the Ship**

Dripping onto the pirate ship, Axel looked around in surprise. "Where'd everyone go? They couldn't all have fallen into the sea, could they?" He glanced across the water and saw a bunch of stripe-shirted pirates' backs. So, there was no doubt he was on the right ship.

"Hello?" he called. Then, he began to wander around.

Now, the pirate captain was not dumb. He might have been dead and slightly deaf, but he certainly wasn't dumb. He had planned for all the pirates to launch the attack. After all, there was no reason for anyone to board his ship. Why should he worry about that when the two ships were tied together with no guarding it? And really, why should he leave someone behind to guard Barleyo—it wasn't as if the young man would try desperately worming himself away and escape. It wasn't like he had ever indicated he did not like pirating.

Okay, the pirate captain was dumb.

Sounds came from below the floor, and Axel looked down.

"Oh, they must all have taken refuge!" So, he went below decks easily, as none of the doors were locked. Like I said, the pirate captain was dumb.

While there were no lamps lit, in the broad daylight, slashes of brightness came through cracks and small portholes. Therefore, Axel did not have to stumble around as much as he could have.

He came to the back end of the ship and noticed a pale young man struggling to drag himself and his pounds of chains up the ladder (Axel had come from the front). However, the young man was having a difficult time of it.

You see, the pirate captain was dead and needed no food. And he commonly forgot others needed to eat. It was up to the pirates to find or bring their own food. And, they did not share with Barleyo. He was against everything they did. The poor guy had trouble freeing himself from his deceased kin when on land, so he was badly malnourished. And weak. Hence the struggle.

Axel stood there and watched his actions. It was very intriguing. He had never seen anyone struggle on so.

"Keep it up, dude! You can do it!" That was all that occurred to him to do.

Startled, the white figure collapsed back down into a huddle. "Ow…"

"How you doing? I'm The Sir Prince Axel, and I was wondering if you'd seen the Princess Tranquility anywhere. Or, even, have you seen any thugs that looked capable of kidnapping?"

After getting over his initial surprise at this foreigner, Barleyo still stared at him. "I'm on a _ship_, and it is full of _pirates_." Axel's expression did not waver. Sighing exasperatedly, the pale young man struggled to his feet and added, "No."

"Drat. Okay, well, see you around!" And he turned to go back to the front of the ship despite the ladder right in front of him.

"Wait! Aren't you going to free me?"

Eyebrows protruding up to his mangy bangs, the knight turned back around. There had never been such a classically clueless expression documented in all of the anti-fairy tales. Barleyo himself was growing puzzled just looking at him.

"You don't seem like a damsel in distress to me."

"Does that mean you can't rescue me?"

"Yup." He made to leave again.

"Wait! Are you sure that's the only way you'll help me?"

"Yep. But, say, you do have a kind of damselly look about you. Longish hair, delicate features. Can you give a scream?"

There had to have been odder requests. So, Barleyo obliged.

"Wow. Definitely can be classified as a damsel. I guess I'll help you get out of here. But where are we? And what happened to the rest of my party?"

While he tried to explain to the befuddled Axel, the latter grabbed the chains and carried them for the young man.

"So we have to go back across the water. Okay. Got it."

He patiently led Barleyo up to the plank, notorious for being present here, which was protruding out of the side of the ship to aid the pirates in leaping across the expanse of water.

"All right, I see what just to do." The Sir Prince Axel stood at the end of the plank, seeing the backs of the pirates on the _Virtually Unstoppable_ had gone even further away. They were now all surrounding the giant.

"I'll just let you go first."

He dropped the chains over the edge of the plank.

Now, if you remember, those chains were already too heavy for the weakened Barleyo. So, as they rattled off the edge, you can guess what that means for the guy himself. Yup, bye-bye! Down he went with a tremendous splash and another scream worthy of receiving an A+ in the damsels-in-training class. Axel leaped after him and set out to the other side of the ship.

Does it occur to him that perhaps those chains that had made the poor boy struggle to climb a ladder would be even direr (what an awkward word!) in water where his thick hair and clothes had collected at least five gallons of extra weight? Does he slow his steady swimming in order to check if the "damsel" he had rescued was making his way across as well?

This is Axel, people. He was butchering a tapestry of an innocent unicorn with the blunt edge of his sword.

Nope.

&&

Meanwhile, back on the ship being looted, the pirate captain had caught sight of the giant still standing in place, growing very bored. The said giant was debating changing places with Kun, but then he noticed the pirate and smelled something that reeked.

"Hmm, this guy seems familiar. But I don't know why…"

Maybe because they had both been alive long ago before he had been trapped in this hat and before the other had died? Maybe because they had been enemies long ago in Egypt and the point of the giant's life had been to halt this pirate captain and keep his people safe for all time? Maybe because this guy had been part of what had killed him eventually and locked him in a Puzzle? Maybe because they had even existed within hosts and battled again with a card game known to millions?

Naw, the giant remembered now; this pirate captain only _looked_ like his great uncle Albert, whom he had seen as a corpse that his family had argued over for months about who had to pay for the burial, and so Albert had been left to rot in their backyard during the interlude. Quite interesting to watch the process of decay.

Yesah was annoyed that the pirates had come this far; it meant they had honestly earned the right to steal his cargo. He was taking them to the hold, but they got sidetracked by Sama-san-dono.

"Who's this?" the pirate asked. "New crewmember?"

"No, it's Sama-san-dono, a giant that came out of a little guy to be of use."

The captain began snickering. "_Sama-san-dono_! (1) Pathetic!"

"Oh, and what's your name?" asked the now-grumpy giant.

"Majesty-highness-excellency-lord-sir-mister-liege-God-superior-glorious-perfect-noble-wonderful-best-highest-royalness-greatest—"

Everyone was staring at him. "Stop!"

Now, do you really think I am going to type that out every time I want to refer to the pirate captain? And do you really think I am going to proceed in wasting energy typing "pirate captain?" He will now be referred to as Egomaniac. (And you thought Sama-san-dono was bad!)

He could not understand why everyone was laughing at him. But Egomaniac did not like it one bit. To get the attention away from himself (this might seem contradictory, but Egomaniac only wanted _positive_ attention), he continued to bother the giant, unaware just how simple it would be to be disintegrated by one hand. After all, he was already half-decayed.

"All giants come equipped with rhymes," the gray-haired pirate rasped. "Come on, let's hear your rhyme!"

Moodily, the tall Sama-san-dono crossed his arms. After a brief silence, he finally relented, "Very well, it's true I know my own rhyme."

"Let's hear it. Maybe it will have enlightenment!"

"Haha!" Clothier snapped his fingers. "You didn't give a perfect rhyme!"

Smugly, de Vlin crossed his arms. "Rhyme that is near works just as well you'll hear."

Mainly to stop those two from continuing, the giant chanted, "Fe-fi-fo-fa, I smell the blood of all o' ya. Be you happy or be you sad, you've gone and made me really mad."

"Hmm, if you hadn't've rhymed, given it more of a natural flow like free-verse, I think I would've liked it."

De Vlin smiled. "I it did certainly love. The words flew free like a dove."

"Is that some kind of threat?" Egomaniac asked of the giant. He laughed as the latter part of his name suggested.

Now, Sama-san-dono was spending some time thinking of his answer. Finally, it came down to one question of his own. "Are you in any way planning on endangering the world?"

Surprised that he had been read so easily—someone must have been noticing him plotting!—Egomaniac halted his hoarse laughter. His one eye narrowed and as he crossed his arms, his rather boney chin jutted out in complete stubbornness.

Well, if Sama-san-dono were not stupid, and surprisingly, he was not so dumb as others (remember, we left Barleyo floundering and sinking as Axel climbs onboard the ship!), he recognized the reaction for what it was: 100 guilty.

"Aha! So you _are_ planning to take over the world or something! Well, I won't let you! I'll save the world myself!"

Scoffing on the sidelines, ignored by all but Muggy, as was usual, Put'oh muttered, "If he were truly interested in saving the world, he'd eliminate excess waste, start programs for endangered species and habitats, eradicate poverty, distribute food more efficiently, and support the services of family planning. But I doubt he's going to be doing any of that soon."

All thoughts of the treasure forgotten, the zombie turned his full attention to this immovable giant and cast his thoughts back to where they commonly were—debating endless ways of destruction and power so that he could one day have the entire world submissive to his world. For the present, however, he would settle if Barleyo himself would listen to him.

How _is_ our dear lad Barleyo doing? Let's check in with him.

&&

Glug glug.

&&

(1) Honorifics in Japanese that give various degrees of respect. It is little like using "Mister" or "Madam." The pun is on his name being _just_ honorifics with no actual name at all. Sama-san-dono is arrogant.


	8. In Which Events Take a Nasty Turn While ...

Note: This ship section we have been on and are still on is my favorite, so you'd BETTER enjoy it while it lasts!

WARNING! As the title indicates, this chapter involves some nasty descriptions involving bodily functions (excrement). Feel free to vomit whenever you want. So, now that it is clear you have permission...go ahead and read.

**Chapter 8 In Which Events Take a Very Nasty Turn While Remaining on the Ship**

Okay, so Yesah was getting a little excited, realizing that his treasure may yet be saved. And he hadn't been the one to break the rules. It looked like this extra mass was worth something besides a lilting ship.

Oops…it seems we have forgotten an important factor. A very dangerous factor. In fact, he hasn't been mentioned for quite a long time. And I don't think he is just standing around waiting for this conversation to take place as all the pirates, sailors, and rest of the group were doing. Nope, you'd never find Blaydelot doing something so boring.

He had taken it on his shoulder to have at his own series of stupidity-er, heroics, of course.

So, what exactly does that entail?

Whatever was the most dangerous, ludicrous plan ever sprung up from somewhere in the body as long as it was not anywhere near the actual brain. There is no way those kinds of plans come from the brain. Not even Axel's brain. I wouldn't even accuse "lower" life forms of coming up with these plans.

So, Blaydelot, having decided to do what he always does, that being take command and save the day, did the first thing that came from somewhere. He was, right at that moment, dangling in the crap hole.

Whoa, you're wondering why's there a crap hole on a ship? There's plenty of water all around! And being guys, well, you know…

As a matter of fact, I do know that guys have to do #2 as well, and I doubt they want to perch on the edge of the boat in plain sight of everyone else. I mean, what if someone were timing you?

So, there was a bathroom. And Yesah, having gotten the same spiel that Put'oh had just muttered a moment ago, had finally stopped polluting the ocean with feces and urine and had his brother install a very nice toilet. And, since Muggy had been the one to ask on Yesah's account…Oh yes, warmed seat and everything. Put'oh was such a nice guy! Well, except that there was no running water. To have that was to just waste too much of the precious liquid.

Still, this toilet was very large. Well, some people come larger. How was Sama-san-dono supposed to make use of something made for human-sized people? You could almost say Put'oh had had a premonition of the giant himself, for the toilet he had put in was large enough to fit a person inside the chute.

Now, what we'd all like to know is what Blaydelot is doing in there without his helmet to even help block the smell. Is there any possible reason, any miniscule degree of hope that anything worthwhile will come of this?

Well, we'll have to get inside the character's mind to find that out because I honestly have no idea.

Okay, his hair is coming closer, closer, you can now see individual strands and exactly how less frequently the knight has bathed than is good health. The smooth, oily feeling from the hair is pressed right against you, and now…this might hurt just a bit (him or us?)… We're in!

Squishy, wet, literally pounding with electronic waves. Am I supposed to draw out some meaning from the brain's foreign language? Okay, we'll just head to the storehouse of short-term memory (hippocampus) and get our answer there. (Remember, this idea could not have been hatched in the brain, but it is now being stored there.)

Oh my. The view of a castle being invaded from the toilets is a very prominent scene. Balydelot! This isn't a castle! You don't need to get in from outside of it! So, is there any other reason he is where he is?

Well, it seems there is. Thank goodness. Wow, even ingenious if you ask me. Yeah, yeah, the king and queen had found him to be the brains, but I never trusted them anyway.

There had been a hollow sound when this knight walked across a certain part of the ship, and later, as the waves rocked the ship harder, a small splashing sound, much like the stomach when you are rocking in a chair after having drunk the advised six glasses of water and are moaning on how you will ever manage to get your full servings of food in as well. The toilet emptied into a compartment for storage—none of this would have been possible were it not for the conservative measures of Put'oh—that was directly under where the pirates were conferring now. By a simple act of crashing the floor, they all would land amidst a squishy, smelly, vile substance extremely slippery. From there, Blaydelot was planning on attacking them all.

I'm impressed.

All right, out of the brain and back into the toilet hole with Blaydelot. Very soon, he made it to the compartment and began crawling through the excrement until he reached the end of the low compartment. Then, he drew his sword, held it slantwise, and thrust it through the wood. Meanwhile, all the waves continued to splash around the lumpy bits and thoroughly douse Blaydelot. Remember his not-so-clean hair? Yeah, it's worse now. He used to be a brunette-blonde…

&&

Back above board. Egomaniac had been thinking of taking over the world, and Sama-san-dono was getting very angry because saving the world was his one thing in life. And that meant Egomaniac had to leave.

At precisely the moment Blaydelot prodded his sword through the wood, the giant had taken a step. And his step managed, through unconceivable fortune, to land exactly where the blade had burst through. Giving a yell, Sama-san-dono grabbed his foot, hopped on the other one, lost his balance, and promptly fell.

His weight from hopping shattered the wood above the outhouse hold, and as he fell backward, the tear from his foot left a hole large enough for at least one pirate to slip through. And, because the pirate closest to Sama-san-dono was Egomaniac, he was the one who slipped to the ground and cascaded into the waste.

The undead pirate had already been reeking badly, but now it was quintupled with the rising rank scent of feces. So Yesah hadn't had it emptied in awhile? It's not likepeople rushed to volunteer for the job.

The Sir Prince Axel was by this time back on the right ship and rushing to his new friends.

Muttering angrily, pirates were drawing weapons in order to deal some justice for what their captain was going through. The Earl de Vlin and Tanner screamed as they saw the knives pointing in their direction, but from behind them came Axel waving his stick. Several sailors were fighting back as well.

And Put'oh? You can guess what he was saying: "Muggy, I want you to get below docks where it is safe."

And you ought to guess just how well Muggy was taking this order.

Tanner, slightly calmer now that Axel was a shield before him, looked with surprise at Put'oh urging his brother below decks.

"I am a great poet, and I have seen rumors of you memorialized in print. Why do you not do your Glare of Death and finish these pirates off?"

At the words that carried—trained as a minstrel, after all—the pirates paused in their antics, forcing the others to remain dignified and cease as well.

Yesah glanced worriedly over at his brother whose eyes were flicking from face to expectant face. Muggy appeared just as worried, and now you should know there was something wrong.

"I don't do the Glare of Death,"Put'oh muttered quietly.

Hold it! Did I not say in the first chapter that the monarchs were terrified of the Gruff with his Indestructible Glare—looks-could-kill-Gruff? And what about those screaming people that went silent when Put'oh Gruff came knocking on the castle door? Well, it's too bad none of those characters are here to confront Put'oh right now. One tip: I never said those silenced people actually died. But as to the other question, I'll make do.

"A picture once I saw, and you it was: face, eyes, and jaw."

Tanner was nodding in rhythm with de Vlin. "Yeah, I'm sure it was you. I heard the same story and saw the same painting."

Put'oh obviously was not going to explain himself and he obviously wanted none of his brothers to, either. But Muggy never seemed to learn that some things are private.

"Well, my brother has a twin, you know! Identical. _He_ can do the Glare. Put'oh just pretends he can to help keep me safe and ward off people." There was a groan from Put'oh himself, and he averted his eyes that were far too kind and wide to ever to the Death Glare however he acted and tried.

There was a brief moment of silence, but then the pirates began guffawing and roaring with amusement. Quite a sordid and rude bunch in more ways than one. After all, not one had gone after their leader to see if he were drowning in the excrement.

Egomaniac was at that moment involved in a type of mud battle with Blaydelot. Mud battles…getting greased up with brown slime and slipping all over the place, mistakenly gathering some in your eyes or nose or mouth…But this wasn't mud. It was anything and everything that came out of the body. I'm sure a few passengers had gotten seasick and rushed here to vomit instead of the moving edge of the boat.

Completely lathered and wondering just what flavor was in his mouth, Egomaniac rested lying down. Almost, he could pretend he was in a bath. Almost. If he had had a bath anytime within the last century he might have remembered what they were like, but he didn't think ripe chunks were part of it.

Panting above him, sword coated with slime—how he kept grip, I don't know—Sir Blaydelot grinned with white teeth offset by the yellow-brown mixture sprinkled with bits of greens and reds.

"Dost thou yield?"

All right, Egomaniac was old, but he didn't think he was so old this stripling had to use such language on him! The nerve of today's youth…

Snarling, about to spring up, he gave a compulsive jerk and clutched his throat. A chunk did not just go down, a chunk did not just go down, achunkdidnotjustgodown…

As rotting as he was, the implication of what has just been inhaled was too much. Turning to the side and clutching his throat, Egomaniac wretched, not caring if parts of his intestines were coughed up as well. It wasn't like he used them.

Blaydelot looked down on him with a glare. It wasn't polite of him to draw out this moment of victory.

"Are you finished?" he snapped.

Egomaniac was still clutching his throat and gagging, but nothing more was coming up. Breathlessly, he nodded.

"Good." And he raised his sword prepared to slice off the pirate captain's head.

Remember all those clone sailors from Captain Yesah's ship? I just thought now would be a good time to bring them back up. So, these guys that all look the same have a story behind them, of course. They are a lot like clones, aren't they? Right at that moment, all lined up as they were, the similarities would havemade people stare if any people had been looking at them and not at the hole or at the disappointedly too kind Put'oh. It just so happens that Yesah "found" them all in his brother's…I get the feeling you're not listening to me. You want to go back? Back to where? Back to drowned Barelyo? Just to Egomaniac. Fine, we'll do things your way.

There was a swishing sound as the blade whipped toward his neck, but the gray-haired laugher was doing just that, having caught his breath without gagging on chunks.


	9. Yup, We're Still on the ShipBut Could We...

**Chapter 9 Yes, We're Still on the Ship—but Could We Be Nearing the End of It?**

A sickening slice cut through the neck and spine like an egg stored in vinegar. Then, raw ends flapping, the head sunk into the murk, still contorted in a laugh. A puff of stale air like that of within an old tomb came outfrom the open neck as a mushroom releases spoors.

Nodding in approval, Blaydelot straightened out through the crack the giant had made. As he was crawling up, however, you can guess what happened. Horror-movie time.

A hand grabbed his ankle. Not just any hand, but one attached to the body of the pirate captain that had his head replaced. A jagged, unhealed wound was all the way around his neck.

"Lich! Zombie! Ghost!" Now, the last one was certainly incorrect. Put'oh could have explained about the ethereal quality of ghosts and how a sword would not slice through them, but this knight was too shocked to think in logistics like that.

Still standing in the hole in the ship, everyone else was also staring, though they mainly were astonished at the _thing_ that had come from the crap hole. And the scent.

For one, Put'oh was pleased to get the attention off himself in whatever way possible. Even if that involved a poop-covered knight being held by a long-dead pirate whose head had just been put back on.

At this time, Sama-san-dono, who had been muttering rhymes to himself off at the side about saving the world, realized his old foe had returned.

"Aha! Time to put an end to your evil ways!" About to clonk the knight on the head, he paused. "Um, who are you? You both looked the same covered in whatever that is. Pudding?"

"Pudding! You bumbling, big-headed, enormously large idiot!" Egomaniac spat out, letting the giant know which one he was. Slowly getting to his feet, he clung to the bristles of toothpicks that had been the main deck of the ship.

"My beautiful ship…" Yesah put a hand to either cheek, shaking his head. "Father will never be proud of me now."

Muggy gave an incredibly sad look up in his brother's direction, for yes, though Yesah had had a disease that had stunted his growth, Muggy was still a tad shorter.

"I'll always be proud of you, Yesah! Don't worry!"

"Thanks," his brother said with a sigh, patting the youngest Gruff's tuft of black hair. It was obvious he still was not as happy-go-lucky as the boy had hoped his words would make him, though.

Sama-san-dono frowned. "Now, that's not very nice of you. Just because I'm a little overweight does not give you the right to call me enormous. I prefer healthily plump."

Ignoring him, the pirate captain muttered, "We're going back to the ship so I can wash out my innards." The pirates exchanged glances, wondering if he literally meant removing his intestines enough in order to wash them. Also, they wondered just what the point in all this had been, considering they had not even gotten their treasure.

"Oh, no, you're not! I have to put an end to your menacing ways right here and now!"

The giant took a step forward, and with each change in weight, the ship rocked violently back and forth. Knowing his brother's proneness to tripping, Put'oh grabbed Muggy and clutched him tightly to help him keep balance.

"Uh, dude, just stay still!"

Axel began trembling in fear and making strange noises that are untranslatable into writing. But I will try: "Gyaahhhh!"

Looking the giant up and down, Earl de Vlin commented dryly, "The two are indeed one, but now is the time for Kun."

"What? You-you'd rather have…_him?_"

"Well, it would keep my ship together a little longer."

Still gaping, the giant slowly straightened. Then, with the others not knowing just how he did it, there was a sudden sucking sound, and the body sunk from the bottom up. Then, floating in midair for the briefest of moments, Kun plummeted back down to the ship with a crash.

Rubbing his bum, he moaned, "I wish he'd learn to do that in a soft area."

* * *

Now, I know there's something you've forgotten. You weren't supposed to forget, but I know you did. Maybe this will ring a bell: Egomaniac let out a hoarse yell that sounded muffled because he was below the pirate ship. He was less than pleased. He was utterly, throughout his body, enraged. Why so enraged? Well... 

Barleyo had been under the water for approximately twenty minutes. He has to be dead, hasn't he? Well, it is a good thing that question wasn't directed at the characters. They would never answer correctly…

So, Barleyo was dead…

…

…

…o.O

_Premonition of the future:_ collections of Ryou fans slaughtering me…or rather, Barleyo fans. Does he even have any fans? Better not risk it…

nervous laughter- Whoa, hold on. Did I say dead? This is rated PG! Since I'm too lazy to adjust it for a character death (and since I have no desire to be cooked raw over a blazing fire from fanatics!), I suppose something must save him.

What is mysterious, is present in fantasy settings, lives in the ocean, sings a lot, and commonly rescues drowning people?

A pernisp!

suspicious look- You weren't thinking _mermaids,_ were you?

Ah, the wonderful pernisps! They are part-human looking on top and the bottom half is a large fish tail.

Reader: -blinkblink-

Just trust me, all right! They aren't mermaids! Oh, I should politically correct—they aren't merpeople. In fact, merpeople are the pernisps' greatest enemy. And greatest food source.

And they had Barleyo right in their webbed-fingered grasps.

However, despite the similarities between humans and merpeople, they were not anxious to eat him because he would not have that fishy flavor.

And, because, unlike those above the water, the pernisps cared about keeping their aquatic ecosystem clean and pure, they didn't want a decaying body in their midst. Put'oh should have tried living down there. No doubt he would have gotten along much better.

Well, they grabbed a tube, placed one end in Barleyo's mouth and the other in one of theirs (they didn't want to get germs from direct contact) and breathed for him. Unfortunately, because the tube originated under the water, it was filled with salt water that he had to choke down at first. But after that, enough air came through to keep him alive as one pernisp struggled with the chains.

Of course, since I just got through saying how they hate pollution of all kind, they had a direct plan for the chains that would get them out of their area for good. Merpeople might collect junk and think it neat, but you'd never find a pernisp doing that. In fact, if you were to ask the pernisp of how they were a different species from the merpeople, he or she would tell you it was because they had had enlightenment.

Okay, this seems to be getting too similar to _Politically Correct Bedtime Stories_. It's time we get Barleyo back to where he belongs.

Despite the common myths believed under the sea, Barleyo was quite a well-spoken person. He had a nice accent, a cute smiling face, and a gentle voice that never sounded accusing. But, underwater, none of that was apparent. So, because he was jerking repeatedly at the surface with a finger, the pernisps began to croak amongst themselves of what a rude species he was.

As everyone should know, jerking a finger toward the surface of the water was an extremely rude gesture—it pertained to their mating cycle, which took place on the surface of the ocean. Now, since it was no where near that time, they could only interpret it as a threat against their female members. It never seemed to occur to them that the females only laid eggs at a certain time and could not be, er, raped as humans could. Biologically impossible.

It would follow, of course, that the male pernisps wanted a fight right then and there, and instead of their environmentally safe way of dealing with the chains he had on, they used the chains to connect him to an old piece of a ship on the outskirts of the merpeople's land, removed the breathing tube, and left him.

Poor Barleyo. Doomed again.


	10. Sigh…I’m Such a Liar You Know Where We A...

**Chapter 10 Sigh…I'm Such a Liar. You Know Where We Are…the Ship**

"Where is that dratted boy?" Egomaniac hissed. "Doesn't he _ever_ think of the trouble he causes me?"

Across the small space between the ships—they were still disconnecting them—the questing group heard the yell that happened a little bit ago.

Poor Kun was utterly confused, having no idea of what had been going on while the giant had been here. And the only one bothering to describe things was the troubadour, memorializing the events for himself in verse so he could profess them to the lovely Serenity the next time he saw her. No doubt she would love to hear of his courage. And, as you know, his sentences, needing to rhyme in a hurry did not always make the best sense.

"Eh? What the heck was that?" Axel asked, staring across the vast expanse of the sea.

Coolly, Sir Blaydelot swiveled him around as he said, "It came from over there."

"Oh. Do you think it was a witch?"

"No." Sighing from where he was removing all his armor, which was a struggle with slick hands, the true knight almost choked on his own wretched scent. "It had to have been the pirate captain. It sounded like him. I wonder what his problem is…_besides_ the fact that I bested him?"

"_BARLEYO!_"

Muggy cast a worried look at his brother, the latter of whom was studying a map he had made of the ocean and the constellations. The youngest Gruff hoped he wouldn't hear the angry yell or notice the pirate coming back across the ships. Kid, this is Put'oh. The guy obsessive about your safety. Do you think he's going to miss seeing the enraged face of a guy commonly known for kidnapping, looting, and murdering even if he is involved in his maps? Maybe if it had been a _speech_, but this…

No way.

"Get below decks!"

"But maybe he went through a change and he's just coming over to congratulate us or something."

Yeah, right.

That's why he looks completely able to do the Glare of Death.

Put'oh was no fool as much as everyone else thought him one. He gripped his brother firmly, daring him to Squirm, and led him away. That left the others to deal with the encroaching captain.

Blaydelot, cleaning his sword at seeing the threat, grimly gripped it tightly. Apparently, the idiot had not learned his lesson. Well, this time he would get it…

"Now, why is that familiar?" Axel asked, scratching his head. He was watching the pirate captain swinging across from the plank, but unfortunately, the undead's old wrists could not support his weight and he dropped with a splash into the sea. His hands feebly held the ropes from above.

Kun raced over to the side. "We have to help him!"

The others looked at him as if he were mad, but the short guy was already diving over the edge.

Surprisingly, he was a great swimmer. In hardly any time, the short punk had snagged the pirate like a fish does a lure and was dragging him back to the _Virtually Unstoppable_. However, Egomaniac was giving a wail as gesturing with stubs at something floundering in the water. So, Kun went back to retrieve the drowning hands.

"Oh, I remember now! (I'm surprised he remembered anything that happened nearly ten pages ago.) That albino dude! I wonder what happened to him?"

Of course, the others all had to pry into his personal affairs and find out just what he was talking about. Once they realized he was being serious and that it had happened a long time ago, they stared at him in horror. Blaydelot raced to the end of the ship, but the only flounderers in the water were Kun and Egomaniac. If anyone else had been there, he obviously had to have died.

Kun was having a new set of problems as he got closer to the ship. A voice was talking to him in his head. While this would have been in indicator of madness in anyone else, he found it a common occurrence and sighed. What did Sama-san-dono want to complain about now?

_Kun! I refuse to help this pirate captain. He is planning on destroying the world. I won't be a part of it. We're going to let him sink._

No! Kun thought-yelled back. That's not nice at all! I won't let him get hurt.

_Kuuuuuunnnn…_ It was a warning tone.

No! I'll let my hat sink to the bottom of the sea if you continue to pressure me.

That was a mighty terrible threat. So, Sama-san-dono went quiet. But he was trying to take control of the boy's body without him realizing it.

During this interlude, the pirate captain watched with utter fascination as Kun's face went through a series of expressions as if he were speaking to someone. But, obviously, no one was there. That was when it hit him.

There had been a ritual done at his death that would allow him to inhabit any one of his kin's bodies when he chose. But, waiting for the perfect time, he had forgotten all about it. On the day he decided to do it, his corpse would finally decay into nothing, but his spirit would continue living within another. There was no time like the present to try it. Besides, then he would find out just where Barleyo was hiding.

There was nothing more startling for poor Kun, who was fighting off his other self taking over, when the arm he had been gripping completely dissolved. It was a lot like poking a stick at a very dead fish in the water: little flakes of dead flesh were all that remained with a smoky whiteness. (Nervous laughter. How would I know that? I'm not a psychotic girl who ruins the rest of fish! I swear!)

Despite Kun's best efforts, the body soon was gone and sinking into the ocean, leaving him covered in little flakes of old rotted skin.

_Kun! I can't believe you! Get out of the water now! I don't want evil bits of his flesh touching me!_

As much as he disagreed with his other self on a lot of things, this was not one. He hurried out of the water, unable to contemplate how he had just pulverized the pirate captain.

"Down there, what went on? One moment the pirate was there the other he was gone!"

Kun, drenched and shivering in the constant ocean breeze, only stared agape at them all with an expression commonly found on cows standing in the middle of the street chewing their cud.

Across the way, the pirates were beginning to grumble amongst themselves, pointing over at them. And Tanner was still searching for any sign of this mysterious albino guy. Sir Blaydelot had gone back to doing what was needed in a pinch, as he had the most developed brain among the group. Slicing each and every rope that connected them to the pirate ship, Captain Yesah was soon sailing away from the pirate ship, the pirates on which were still preparing to sail.

"You really need to stop being so overprotective," Yesah commented as he returned to his cabin.

"See?" Muggy said, trying to get onto something high enough that he could his brother in the eye.

But the one of the set of Gruff twins did not meet Muggy's gaze. Instead, he was working his way through a speech and debating if such a sarcastic remark would go over the audience's heads or if anyone would be insulted enough to realize what he meant. He was hoping they would be so insulted they would want to throw him out.

A constantly-tripping brother with the ability to Squirm was not the best combination on a ship, or anywhere for that matter. After the boy freed himself from his brother's grasp that had helped right him at the moment his foot slid (Put'oh was very good at recognizing the exact moment his brother was tripping. Instantaneous reaction.) he went back to the top of the ship. At least if his brother were caught up in his work to live out his dream—that being to make it so all children could have fun, but to do that, you first have to have a world able to sustain them and give them all equal chances to have fun. It wouldn't do to favor only those monetarily gifted—Muggy could do what he wanted above decks.

What did he do? Why, he glued himself to Sir Blaydelot, of course, seeing how the knight was able to do all sorts of dangerous things without reprimand and withsaid actionssaving the day. At least, the knight had saved the day as far as Mokuba was concerned.

"Hi."

Blaydelot, completely cleaned with sea water, had his armor back on. Of course, the armor had been cleaned with fresh water to avoid rusting, but no one was to know just what water source Blaydelot had used. He looked down at the old boy (not quite a young man and not exactly a boy, so an old boy. Get it?) trotting along beside him, keeping pace very effectively. He must have had a lot of practice trotting along after people with longer legs.

"Hello. What have you come for, youngling?"

"I know I'm too old for the job, but can I be your page? And don't tell my brother."

"Oh?"

"He doesn't like me doing anything that wouldput me any way in harm's path. But he doesn't understand how boring all his speeches are for me. I don't want to do that the rest of my life. I want to adventure!"

"Ah," Blaydelot remarked, "you have a spirit like my own. Of course I'll let you be my squire." When Muggy was going to protest, the knight placed a heavy hand on his shoulder. "You're too old to be a page, so I've raised your status to squire."

Eyes lighting up, he thanked the young man profusely. Then he remembered something. Something he should never have forgotten.

"Um, is it possible you could come a short ways with me? I have a lesson with another brother soon, and if I don't show up exactly on time, he won't be pleased. He may come looking for me. Usually, he wouldn't be able to waste time like that, but if I angered him enough, he'd find me. And he could, no matter where I was."

Beneath his helm, Blaydelot's eyes narrowed and he pursed his lips. He might have heard of whom this Gruff was referring to. But he had never heard the sorcerer go by the name "Gruff."

"Who exactly would you be referring to? What does your brother do?"

"He is a sor—"

"MUGGY!" Yeah, just guess who that was finally having stopped obsessing over his speech long enough to obsess over his brother.

"Oops. I'll find you later!"

The knight hid a smirk as Muggy raced over to Put'oh. He knew all about family, especially siblings, not understanding you. Neither Sir Blaydelot's parents, older sister, or younger sister understood him or his desire for adventure. Here, then, was one who could. And, if he had connections to the great sorcerer, there was no way the knight was giving up the Gruff.

Not even if it meant making Put'oh an enemy.


	11. How Many Times Will the Author Lie about...

**A/N:** There is no author note.

**Chapter 11 How Many Times Will the Author Lie about Getting Off the Ship?**

Egomaniac could not tell where he was.

Things seemed a lot different from his living death, and, from what he pieced together to recall, even from life.

For one, everything was darkness. And cold. The undead almost felt trapped where he was, but as he struggled to get free, different perceptions came to him.

Faintly, an odd burning sensation was coming from something. But, mainly, something about where he was seemed familiar or was close to something familiar.

Something shifted his awareness as the result of his struggles, and suddenly, Egomaniac was in control of a body.

A dying body.

_What! I can't die after just gaining life! It's time something changed with this._

That place he had been before—he could now tell what it had been. And he could tell that it was the problem. There was no time to free himself even if he could move the chains on his own; his lungs were already aflame for lack of oxygen. The idiot Barleyo. What had he gotten himself into?

Well, technically, it was all Egomaniac's fault.

_Be quiet! I will not take the blame for this!_

Oh, so now the characters talk back to the omniscient narrator? Well, just who do you think controls this story? I could squash you right where you are…

Growling, Egomaniac subsided and gave up all will to live. He was losing consciousness. Some odd light was going toward him.

Was is a merperson?

You must think I am so racist. No, it was an undine, a water sprite. And this water sprite had love at first sight.

Such a pale, pure person sunk right in her vicinity. What luck she had! It appeared the fortune-telling jellyfish had been right. Her luck was going to change.

Giving a screech that might have sounded beautiful to her people, it jerked poor Barleyo's body in one last convulsion before all awareness fled.

Yay, the water sprite was not dumb; she knew how surface-dwellers survived. And it was something she wanted to do anyway. Time to see just what kind of kisser Barleyo was.

On the undine grading scale with 4.3 being the highest, this kiss had to honestly be placed at the -.78 level. But really, can you blame poor Barleyo? He was unconscious and controlled by Egomaniac in the unconscious state! Plus, he'd been starved for a long period before this and was so weak he sunk to the bottom of the ocean from his chains. It just wasn't fair of the undine to put him on the spot like that. But, at least he was coming back to life by getting her used carbon dioxide. It had been so long since he had oxygen he was in danger of other complications, and the undine wasted no time bringing him to the surface.

Gasping and floundering from the chains the had pernisps replaced on him, Barleyo clung to the undine without realizing what he was doing. In fact, you could say Barleyo had no knowledge, or not much, that he had even been saved. Egomaniac, on the other hand, was rasping out orders for the water sprite to take him back to his ship. Of course, as he was so befuddled, he never realized which ship she was bringing him toward until far later.

"_chirp-Squawk, SCREECH—chkchkchk, waaaiiil._"

"Stop your incessant noise!" Egomaniac flung off her "protective" arm and floundered over to the ship. When he began yelling and flinging his chains against the side of the boat at the times he was not sinking once more, the people aboard glanced down and sent a saving device.

Quite new and remodeled for this fantasy era, you can guess who invented it, especially since it was something to save people's lives.

Realizing what he was doing, the undine grabbed at his chains and began to pull him after her. She was quite strong, especially since Egomaniac had greater power over this weak-willed body than Barleyo had and he was still having trouble staying where he wanted. When he had grasped the tube, those on the ship hauled him free from the water.

For a moment, the undine clutched him around the middle and was hauled up. Then, when her entire body was free of the water, she gave an ear-aching screech and dropped back, vanishing in a matter of sparkling sea water droplets.

The others finally pulled Barleyo all the way to the top, and as he kneeled there gasping and dripping, he looked up once. The faces he saw staring back at him made him recoil in astonishment, and he was back where he had awakened so confused at the beginning of the chapter.

Barleyo, puzzled and wobbly, tried to stand.

"All right! I knew you could do it!" The others glared at Axel, especially Put'oh, who had heard of the knight's actions by now. Whistling in the face of suspicion, Axel put his hands in his pockets—except armor did not have pockets and he hurt himself considerably trying to find some.

"Are you all right?" Kun asked, hesitantly trying to help someone taller than himself stand.

Weakly, Barleyo nodded.

Tanner pushed Axel completely out of the way. "Did this knucklehead try to help you before and then leave you to drown?"

Let's see…Barleyo is a stranger on this ship of people that had been harassed by those on the ship he had come from, not to mention the one talking seemed to be some sort of acquaintance with the one who had nearly killed him.

"No, it was all a mistake." Woohoo, another one who is not completely ignorant!

With a suspicious glance at the all-too-innocent-looking-for-any-person-and-especially-himself The Sir Prince Axel, Tanner Clothier the minstrel showed Barleyo to a room Captain Yesah grudgingly gave him.

"I'm sure it would please my father," the young captain said as an excuse since good deeds always needed to have an excuse.

"Whatever," Tanner muttered. He really wondered how Put'oh and Muggy could live with this brother who went on about a father who was obviously dead, being eaten by wolves and everything. But, he tried not to get involved in family business. Yet, he was certain he was going to make a little free verse poem someday about the three Gruff brothers. But he'd have to disguise it. Maybe make them all aliens from another place.

* * *

In his room, Barleyo was feeling quite strange. The others had not taken his chains off—he didn't even know if they could. But there seemed to be something strange with them. Almost, they felt…separate. Like a separate identity. He must have been underwater even longer than he thought. Everything was muddled together. 

Barleyo gave a last sigh and fell into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

Would anyone believe me if I said the ship made it to shore without any further problems? What if I said there were no problems major enough to have to stop and slow down the journey? Because that's what happened. 

Axel managed to cause a lot more trouble, mainly tripping near the hole on deck that had yet to be fixed and pushing the Earl de Vlin into the excrement. The latter cursed him in verse the rest of the voyage for the damage done to his glorious hair.

And, of course, Muggy managed to get himself in trouble every day by trying Put'oh's phobia. The young man was reallyattempting to work on it. Really. But having a little brother who purposely went out of his way to make danger for himself was not helping.

Barleyo slept a lot of the time, but when he awoke, he suddenly had a huge appetite and ate everything within sight. The chain no one could get off (maybe Put'oh would have tried a little harder except for constant interruptions of his desire-to-turn-monkey brother), but Captain Yesah gave him the address of a good blacksmith.

And the others mainly managed to get by without anything terrible happening. Kun dealt with the other being inside him as he always did; ignoring him. And Tanner continued to switch from laughing at de Vlin's rhymes to encouraging him on to taunt Axel.

All in all, the cloned sailors steering the ship could not be happier once they docked and departed.

Muggy waved a farewell to his brother, and Put'oh nodded, and everyone left.

Now, if you'll recall, there was a little "squiring" happening on the ship, and Sir Blaydelot had no intention of leaving either Muggy or Put'oh's side. He wanted to find this sorcerer Gruff.

But poor Barleyo had never been alone in his life (as if he is now!), and he shyly asked the others to go with him to the blacksmith's.

Muggy could not dare preoccupy his brother—actually, he didn't dare waste any time in case they were late to the lesson of his other brother, and he cast a look back at Sir Blaydelot in helplessness.

However, the little mechanisms within Blaydelot's mind were cranking and turning and making another idea, and I hope it was not like the one that could _not_ have originated in the brain.

At the coastal city, they parted ways. Some went to—huh? The treasure. On _Virtually Unstoppable_? You want to know what it was. Hmm, so do I. But it doesn't look like the story is leading us that way.

Pan the camera back to the city…-angry sigh- Fine. You want to know what the treasure was? It happens that it was a collection of virtual reality games that were going to be transported to a time capsule for those in the future to use. What else would Yesah carry? Now can we please get back to the point of the story?

At the coastal city, they parted ways. Some went to the blacksmith to see what he could do to help their new friend, others went to the forest path and rented a coach, and one followed after those on the coach until he was quite certain where they were going. After all, considering he saw so many signs saying, "Warning! Angry sorcerer ahead" or, "Do not enter and disturb the sorcerer or he has rights to punish you accordingly" made Blaydelot quite certain he knew where they were headed, especially since the coachman would not drive them himself. Sighing, Put'oh grabbed the reins and they were gone.

Yep, Blaydelot went back to the others quite confident in where he still had to go.


	12. See? I Knew We’d Get Off the Ship

**Chapter 12 See? I Knew We'd Get Off the Ship**

Meanwhile, the others hardly noticed Sir Blaydelot's absence. They were too shocked by what was happening at the blacksmith's.

For one, the man was having trouble doing the mold for the lock. Every time he tried, he claimed the shape had changed since last he checked. But strangest of all was when Barleyo suddenly straightened, tossed his white hair, and said lowly, "Let's go. This is a waste of time." And he marched out without a single weak limp or stagger. Boggle-eyed, everyone followed.

Wiping his hands, the blacksmith muttered, "The working class is so underappreciated. Not only are we underrepresented in fairy tales, you don't even allow me to do my job." And it was unfortunate Put'oh was gone; otherwise, a new dream and series of speeches would have been born.

"Are you sure you want to wander around in chains?" Tanner asked, still wide-eyed. The albino-like (after all, he didn't have red eyes except when some demonic plan crept into his head, but that hadn't happened yet) young man had become a fast friend of the others.

"What?" Completely startled, Barleyo's voice was back to its usual pitch. But he put a hand behind his head and smiled. "It's no trouble. I am already getting back my strength."

Indeed he was. And the reason was he actually got to eat. Well, no, _he_ didn't. Uh huh, Mr. Egomaniac, having been so long without food, tasted it again and couldn't get enough of it. Barleyo was back up to a sustainable body mass, but it was in danger of continually growing. But the young man could not figure out why…he never remembered eating much of anything. It was Egomaniac and his sudden flare for food that attested to what even the others thought as poor eating habits. No need for knives…Egomaniac, wearing the guise of Barleyo forever more, ripped and tore into bloody meat, scorned vegetables, and scarfed anything that was remotely good tasting and therefore unhealthy.

That was what was happening at the inn that night. Even the others had paused in their eating contest to stare agape at him once. But then, the food was left untouched for more than two seconds, and Axel, Tanner, and even the Earl de Vlin had to continue with their frenzy.

Coolly waiting for them to finish, Sir Blaydelot tapped a booted foot. Little Kun was just openly staring in awe. He wished he could do something like that—pile down three pounds of food in three minutes. Maybe he would grow a little taller if he could eat more.

It was a fortunate thing that Blaydelot now carried all the money. Otherwise, it would have all been spent right then on purchasing more food. As it was, the food ran out because they could only afford so much, and depressed, Axel wanted to trudge up to bed.

"I don't think so. We're going somewhere else."

Tanner's head whipped toward the knight from where the minstrel was massaging an extended gut. The movement was quite a feat for someone so full. "What? I thought we were staying at the inn!"

"You thought wrong. We have a place to be, and I don't dare waste anymore time. Do you remember what we are trying to accomplish?"

The _Sir_ Prince Axel gave a regal nod. "Of course; it is my honor-bound duty to save the kidnapped princess and return her to her family where I will receive my reward." His face lit up. "Maybe they'll return my knighthood to me and enable me to go on quests again!"

Wow. Axel could remember the quest given to him, but he couldn't remember abandoning Barleyo to drown in the sea, and the latter had happened more recently? Don't look at me; I am just the recorder. I do not tamper with the characters' actions, choices, and attitudes!

"Good. So you'll remember we are searching for her. I have no idea of her trail right now. But I know someone who will. We have to go see him, and it won't be easy." Blaydelot kept secret some of his true feelings for wanting to see the young man. There was no reason to overtax these people's poor, feeble minds.

Still, Egomaniac, used to keeping back parts of the truth and plotting a lot on his own could see a plan devising in the young knight's brown eyes. As of yet, the parasitic disease restrained his ever-learning-to-control-abilities and just observed through his kin host's eyes.

* * *

So, on the trail in the forest, the group continued over the path which was conveniently massed in utter darkness to disable the group from reading the signs and losing courage. Make no doubt, the signs could have been lit up with neon glow just to ensure no one would bother him at any time, but the sorcerer did not want to bother his resources or time for the thought involved in that. As it was, few people harassed him during the day. The town by the sea had grown quite used to him being there. Or rather, they had grown quite used to their members going out there and never returning. Or returning less than how they had left. So visitors at night were not much of a problem. 

Blaydelot refused to answer any questions about what the plan was and where they were going. Instead, he kept what the others thought was moodily silent and needlessly mysterious. Of course, the three bosom companions swiftly had a long list of complaints, and the only thing that kept Kun and Barleyo from joining their remarks was dealing with another person within them. The former was aware of his and talking to him, but the latter had no idea why he felt so peculiar—almost like he was outside his body while he was in it.

It was just Egomaniac testing his control, but as he never bothered to explain that to the young man, his kin hurriedly believed there was something the matter with himself. His missing memories, his odd displacement feeling—actually, it was more like "that groggy disconnected feeling," but because of Put'oh's furious fight against allowing commercial drug use to the commons (it would just make bacteria grow more resistant and produce a super-germ), there was no one to publicly use the term for Barleyo to describe the feeling as such—and his constant wondering of what had happened to his already-dead kin just made him confused. The others had never thought to tell him about the pirate captain and what had happened. And the only time they had been discussing it was when he had been recuperating in the bedroom of the ship.

Now that there have been several long paragraphs in a row, it is time for a little dialogue.

"Are we there yet?" Axel grumbled.

Not having any idea how long this road would go on for, Blaydelot ignored him.

Whispering, de Vlin said, "Have you considered the implication? The knight has us in a precarious situation!"

"Yeah, he might be planning on doing away with us to get the reward that's for _you_, Axel."

"No way! That's mine by rights!" It never fazed him that he was fighting for a privilege that had not even yet been described to him.

So, from that moment on, despite their loud voices and Blaydelot's smirk as he listened (they couldn't see it in the dark and because it was under his helm), Axel vowed to be watching the knight secretly. After all, Sir Blaydelot was already a suspect, somehow in his muddled mind, for taking away his knighthood. It wasn't fair the monarchs had chosen him to be the knight and leave Axel to be the prince.


	13. In Which the Plot Thickens to the Consis...

**Chapter 13 In Which the Plot Thickens to the Consistency of Turnip Stew**

For quite a change, let's go somewhere else.

Back at the monarch's palace, the witch, Yor Love, had actually gotten up early. Mainly, she was tired of always having to be summoned on the run. This time, she wanted to make a ravishing appearance. What else was there?

Choosing from her store of make-up, over three hundred different tints of just lipstick, getting ready needed at least four hours. So, she had gotten up at the unseemly hour of ten o'clock in the morning. She really should have slept in until two in the afternoon, but there were certain priorities in life. Especially when she had a favor to ask of the monarchs.

You can guess what it was. Or rather, after I say a few more words, you'd better guess what it was.

Each day, without fail, using one of her mirrors—for some reason, each one moodily refused to stop showing her what she wanted after awhile—she looked up how her beloved Axel was doing on the quest. Sure, the monarchs wanted her to check in for their sake, but she spent hours just looking for her own sake. And one by one, her mirrors grew disgusted or jealous.

Now, there wasn't a single one that would show her anyone to do with Axel in any remote way. So, she had to find out in her own way.

That was why the witch was making sure she looked extra special. One does not ask for favors from a monarch having half-curled hair or an un-colored face.

After record time—three hours and forty-two minutes—Yor rustled down the hall in one of her best dresses of silk and put on a demur smile.

At the door to the main hall where the thrones were, she paused before going in, not doing as others did, namely listen for others in order to eavesdrop, but to check her reflection in a nearby suit of armor. The former happened anyway.

The dim voice of the king was coming through the doorway, "Do you think they have any hope of succeeding? Or will Tranquility be back in her room and we never hear from the "rescuers" again?"

Sighing, the queen said softly, "It will be hard to find another dolt naïve enough to marry our daughter if that The Axel never returns. And if we already failed once trying to kidnap another to marry her, I can't see why our luck would change. Drat that blessing from the troll godmother!"

Heart pounding, Yor put a hand to her perfectly lipsticked lips. Her beloved Axel was going to be sacrificed on that annoying wench of a princess? Oh, no, not if she had anything to do about it. In fact, screw asking for permission. It was time for a journey of her own.

Packing, she thought things would be a lot easier if at least _one_ of her mirrors would show her where the others were. But, they were all being stubborn.

So, squeezing shut the sixth and final bag, Yor Love managed to grab them all in her arms and stumble out the door.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, Put'oh paused atop the carriage and waited for his heart to stop beating so rapidly. It didn't. 

Muggy did not get out of the carriage. Both were hoping they were still on his schedule. Then, bounding out of the carriage, determined not to seem as if he didn't like this brother as much—he did love Put'oh's twin, but he was so intimidating—the boy went up to the door, casting one look back at Put'oh. Though he tried to hide it, in the glance was utter terror.

Thus, finally being needed for his younger brother, Put'oh raced off the carriage and joined him, giving him a reassuring smile.

"Everything will be fine. It's not as if he's going to use us in one of his experiments." Both pictured the eerie clones from Yesah's ship.

Nodding, Muggy turned back to the door, hesitantly putting out his hand as if there would be a shock from it.

The door was yanked open before he touched it. Cue in the creepy music.

Within was a guard in all black robes, the hood so low it covered the eyes. He checked a large pocket watch and waited without a word for approximately six minutes, making the other two on edge, even though they knew their brother would not let them in one second early. (Boy, were they lucky the deal with the pirates lasted no longer!)

Then, finally, he said, "Sorcerer Kiaba Gruff is expecting you. Step this way."

* * *

Kiaba Gruff. Most powerful, feared, intelligent sorcerer in all of Ferula and the world. You'd think it would make him a little arrogant—which it did—and give him plenty of spare time—which it didn't. But he was more than a little arrogant and busy. He was downright cold and prone to temper bursts. 

Why?

The main reason was that writers kept messing everything up with him. I mean, he had already switched his name to "Kiaba" because of the common misspellings that some odd "fangirls" used (1) in creepy tales about him, but now, they were combining him and his twin brother Put'oh into one character. And they gave such a sissy character his name!

He hated being paired with that worrywart, self-righteous, earth-hugging twin. It didn't help that they looked exactly alike. Minus one thing. The eyes.

Kiaba had been glaring so long he could not ever put them back to the way Put'oh's were. And he didn't care to. He liked having one thing different from his twin, and he liked scaring people by making them think he was constantly about to do the Glare of Death, which he had done before and could do again.

"Mugguba," he said, back to the two entering his laboratory. His hands were clasped behind the flowing royal blue cloak that had its own magical power of a breeze constantly blowing on it. Of course, being a sorcerer meant you could do that kind of thing.

The boy gulped. "Yeah, brother?" For once, he let the hand of Put'oh remain on his shoulder.

"Today I think we will study the ability of lycanthropy." He turned his head just slightly, just enough to narrow his eyes at Put'oh. "Alone."

Scowling right back, not that it was anywhere near as lethal or breath-taking, Put'oh understood exactly what his twin meant, and he wasn't happy.

"You think I'm going to let Muggy stay here alone? After what happened before?"

The hard-as-diamond blue eyes went a millimeter nearer to the Death Glare as he focused completely on his twin.

"You think I would do that to my own brother? You think I don't have control?"

Yes, poor Put'oh's legs were jelly, but as we all know, where Muggy is concerned, he has the will of diamond himself. Twins indeed.

"You did it to our father, back when you didn't have control."

That was what infuriated Kiaba most about his twin. He had the nerve to stand up to him at times and had an all-too-accurate memory of events he had been privy to. And their minds were equally intelligent; they just had each honed in to different uses of them.

Blinking rapidly, not knowing this subtext of conversation, Muggy could not help feeling excited to learn about the werewolf, but it did not make him any less nervous to be around Kiaba.

"You think I don't have control?" he asked again, normally never repeating himself, but this time, the ice in his voice and the low tone was such that it had changed the former statement enough to mean something completely different.

Own eyes narrowing, Put'oh did not answer. He hated not being able to think of good comebacks. That was where Kiaba always won.

"You may go. I'll send Mugguba back to you once our time is out."

The lesson plan they had scheduled was to happen over a few days for three hours each day.

Living in the forest surrounded by traps and evilly things, Kiaba could ask for no better working grounds, but it meant he had to put up with visitors. Or at least, he had to put up with filial visitors. Those were the only ones who dared stay around. Put'oh would stay in a room and stay out of the way until he left with Muggy once more. But, the sorcerer had plenty of workers who would deal with feeding his brother and other habits the human had such problems needing. As to his own needs…well, Kiaba's workers were not quite certain if the sorcerer were still human.

So, after being "escorted" away by several large thugs, Put'oh resided in his room and varied from spontaneous bursts of working on speeches to worrying excessively about Muggy.

The other Gruffs were just as busy in the workroom. But, of course, what went on in there was top secret. Suffice to say, they were busy for a few hours—until nightfall. Then, exhausted, Mugguba went to bed and fell into slumber. Kiaba, of course, continued working.

* * *

"Stealth. That's what we want," Blaydelot warned as he snuck forward. The tower was in view. 

Axel, then de Vlin, then Clothier, and almost Kun stepped on a twig immediately. The only reason Kun had been spared the crime was that Blaydelot sent a withering look his way in time to make him do a three-minute freeze. Behind him, waiting for him to continue, was Barleyo.

"Make another sound and you're all dead. Don't you know where we are?" the knight hissed.

"How could we? You went all cloak-and-dagger on us," grumbled Axel. "Literally."

Yes, Blaydelot had muffled his armor's sounds and glints with a black raggedy cloak, but his preparation was doing no good when the others had no idea of what the word "stealth" even meant.

Say…_you_ know what it means…don't you?

Also, the others had seen him add a couple of daggers to his original weaponry, which was just his sword. So, everyone was a little on edge. Which wasn't good when they needed cooperation and teamwork more than ever.

* * *

(1): Yes, just a personal rant on seeing Kaiba's name spelled as "Kiaba..." 


	14. Wow, I Don’t Think We’re Even Halfway

**Chapter 14 Wow, I Don't Think We're Even Halfway**

Sorcerer Kiaba Gruff's tower was an ominous threat where it absorbed all the light from the twinkling stars without giving off any glow of its own. In one room, a candle was lit, but even its light was struggling to keep the oppressive darkness away.

That candle was in Put'oh's room, obviously. His twin never needed light because his ink on parchment emitted a very soft glow that enabled him to read it. Also, if he were writing something, he had long since grown skilled enough to write pages without seeing what he was actually written. What was most miraculous was that he _could_ read them when it was light once more.

Sitting on the bed nearby, Muggy swung his feet as a way to relieve the tensions that had been building up on him.

"Put'oh," he said suddenly, looking up and going still. "What if I told you that I have a job?"

"Doing what?" his brother replied calmly, flipping pages in his search for some obscure fact. Actually, he was looking up just how many stomachs cows had. People kept saying different numbers.

Nervously, the boy put his hands in his lap. His brother was busy, so this was certainly the best time to tell him. But then again, Put'oh was not Kiaba, who would hardly care less where Muggy was. Or so the boy believed.

"Oh, just readying bits of protective metal, holding various instruments, and trailing along my superior."

All right, genius mind at work:

Readying bits of protective metal…click: putting armor on someone.

Holding various instruments…click: carrying a fighter's weapons.

Trailing along his superior…click: going off with the said fighter and going into battles with them.

Wow, he is good.

Then again, he knows his brother and he knows what just happened recently on the ship—namely, who was there—and in the matter of five seconds, Put'oh's face was white and his entire attention was on his younger brother.

"You're not going to be a squire to Blaydelot. No. Never. I refuse to allow you."

Just five seconds…Muggy must have been doing a worse job than usual at masking his true intentions.

"But, Put'oh, I already promised!"

"No."

"You don't have control over me! I can do what I want! I'm a grown man! And there's nothing dangerous with squiring!"

"Yes, I do. No, you can't. No, you have about six more years. And squiring involves knights which involve danger. End of discussion."

"It never _was_ a discussion." Muggy crossed his arms and slipped into the customary facial expression all Gruffs are capable of doing. A worthy glare. Not the Glare, but a good glare nonetheless. "A discussion consist of two people having a dia—"

"I know what a discussion is."

Hey, give the kid credit; he's got genius brothers. Shouldn't he have picked up something, if only dictionary meanings of every word in the alphabet?

"Then you should know we weren't having one." He stared at his brother, remaining remorseless as Put'oh rubbed his eyes and sighed.

"Look, Muggy, for one thing, you're in the middle of a lesson here. You can't just leave."

"I wouldn't!" The slightly panicked sound made his voice higher than usual, but Put'oh understood his feeling. There was no telling when Kiaba was listening in.

"Second, we don't even know where Blaydelot is."

"Right here."

Okay, the poor, strained heart of Put'oh had almost as much it could handle right then.

Apparently, being the only one who actually did know stealth, Blaydelot had snuck up to the tower and done the most foolish thing possible. He had tried to knock on the door. However, under pain of death, the guards refused to let him in and took everyone captive. Everyone except Blaydelot, who had managed to break free, mainly by fighting unfairly—kicking them with his steel boots. And now, he had cast a rope onto one of the lightning rods at the top of the tower (very nice aim) and climbed the wall to come in Put'oh's window. After all, there was no glass in place. But don't worry, Kiaba is in the middle of inventing it.

Of course, the presence of the knight thrilled Muggy to no end. It just made him more determined to become a knight and adventure on his own. Oh, yes, so many people had the Adventuring Bug.

Now, research has shown that it really _was_ a bite of a bug that could make the blood restless and the brain slightly dimmer and more noncommittal. It was very possible that such an insect had bitten Muggy; it was even possible it had bitten Put'oh. But really, I doubt even a bug could make Put'oh go off on a whim recklessly. He was probably immune to such diseases, as well as his twin.

Anyway, Muggy, having jumped to his feet, looked like a four-year-old having spotted Santa Claus. Hands in triumphant fists, he knew Put'oh would not be able to hold him inside when this knight would come looking for him.

"Good evening. I was looking for Kiaba."

Greatly disappointed, Muggy's entire body deflated. While it relieved Put'oh somewhat, his heart was continuing to pound madly, and he still worried the knight would return for his youngest brother.

"Well, he's not here. So just go back the way you came."

Going over to help him along, Put'oh started herding the knight back to the window. But, of course, Muggy slipped by him and stood in the way.

"I'll show you where he is! But you'll have to speak with him yourself."

"I will. And thank you."

Put'oh, rather too close to the knight for his own comfort—why was there a scent of spice in the air?—backed away, looking hard at the Sir Blaydelot covered in a cloak. He must have been quite strong to pull himself up at all, but at least he had discarded his armor. This was the first time the knight had been without it, and Put'oh was getting suspicious…

But, perhaps anticipating where Put'oh's gaze was going to go, the knight maneuvered by, following Muggy. Then, making certain the cloak was adequately covering him completely, Sir Blaydelot followed the boy out of the room.

* * *

"I don't believe it." 

"He got us in this mess and then he left us graying from the stress!"

"For once, I agree with your dumb rhymes and even about your hair." Tanner gave a huge sigh, which was echoed in turn by Earl and then The Sir Prince Axel.

In a dungeon, under the tower (now, isn't that a little creepy? Kiaba has his own dungeon…), and being watched by clones (doesn't that sound familiar?), the group out to rescue the Princess Tranquility was at an impasse.

"He'd better be planning on rescuing us."

"I knew it! I never trusted him from the start! He wants to usurp my reward. Remember when he took our money? I bet he's off to have a good time with it."

"I don't know what you're so worried about, Axel. You had the least. Was there even two cents from you?"

"Hey! Just because the monarchs took away my adventuring spirit which would give me glories and turned me into a prince without the monetary benefit doesn't mean I will always be so poor! And my name is 'The Sir _Prince_ Axel!'"

Mostly to head off an argument in which all three would get into, Kun sighed. He said, "Actually, Sir Blaydelot was a great help to us so far. And he used the money fairly for the ship, dinner, and gave me the rest. He said I had given the most anyway."

The others did indeed fall silent. Then, from Tanner, "You have the money?"

"Yup."

"There goes the conspiracy."

"No, he could just be dumb as are some," Earl de Vlin said, thrusting his nose in Axel's direction.

All right, he may have been vapid, but the ex-knight knew when people were criticizing him, and he wouldn't stand for it. Within seconds, a scuffle had started. Startled, Barleyo moved aside to give them more room, his chains rattling.

Oh, yes, he had been the easiest for the guards to snare. He already had his own chains on and everything.

_Kun. I want to come out._ The world needed saving, didn't it?

The young man would have started, but he was used to such requests as these. He thought back, You _always_ want to come out. Can't I be in control of my body for an entire day for once?

There was a pause from the voice in his mind. Then, _No. Can't _I_ be out for an entire day? We have to share this body, and I think you're hogging it!_

Me! It's **my** body! Get your own!

_I can't. But there is a way…if you would just learn how to summon me the other way, I could be present in a spirit-like form while you are still in control of your body._ Adding somewhat sulkily, he said, _It'd be better than being stuck in this stuffy hat all day._

I don't know what way you're talking about. I only know to twirl this hat three times over my head, flip it upside down, push the top out the bottom, sniff the interior, put my hand inside, crumple it around my hand, turn it back right-side out, and drop a dandelion inside.

There was a mind-sigh. _All right, I'm not allowed to tell you—against the Fairy Tale Code 947—but I can give you a hint. How do you normally summon djinnis?_

Blinking rapidly, Kun was not certain. He leaned over to Barleyo. "How do you summon a djinni?"

"A genie?"

"No, a djinni."

"Sounds like genie to me."

"Well, they're pronounced the same. But I'm sure he said djinni." Don't ask.

"Well, if they're the same as genies, you normally rub the lamp." Barleyo didn't even seem to notice just what Kun was referring to, or even how out of place it was to mention a "he" when no one had been talking to him.

That was no help. Kun had no lamp. Well, he had his hat that would look like a lamp _shade_ had they been invented, but he wasn't sure that counted. But, despite it all, feeling foolish, he raised a hand and rubbed one part of his white hat.

And…

Nothing happened.


	15. Blaydelot Asks for Death

**Fifth Champion:** Thanks so much for the review and continuing to read my story! I am glad I can still be slightly amusing even though we are off the ship...that still depresses me. But we are coming to my next favorite part soon. You're really making me quite excited to continue writing, which unfortunately...well, I have stopped working on this story for awhile. But I have a number of chapters to put up before you catch up. And by then, I'd better be working on it again!

**Garowyn:** Well, sorry, Sama-san-dono just can't give you two million reviewers (neither can I), but at least, all together, you might have two thousand reviews? Well, maybe not. Guess you have to write more. Okay, Kiaba can be thought of as the evil part of Seto, but I was just really splitting up Kaiba into two characters Kaiba and Seto. Thanks for comparing me to Put'oh. I'm sure he's a lot better than I am!

**Tawnykit: **Thanks for telling me I am funny! I try to be, but I just don't know how successful I am. I'm lazy too, so don't worry about it. But really, the button is right up there! -points- If you're not too lazy to sign in...Just teasing you. Thanks for the great review! And no, nothing is wrong with you, but something is definitely wrong with Blaydelot. Look at the title of the chapter just for starters...

**Chapter 15 Blaydelot Asks for Death**

Now, the guards in the tower of the sorcerer were far from inept. The only reason, as noted previously, they had not ensnared Blaydelot with the rest of the troupe was because Blaydelot had broken the number one rule of Relationships between Characters: Good and Bad—Fightingby kicking the guards with his booted feet right where it hurts most. What a cowardly thing to do.

But, they were aware the knight was still around. And they were still searching for him. There had been some encouragement about ten minutes ago when they had discovered the knight's small armor in the bushes. But, of course, the armor was empty.

Now, one guard was staring as he saw a cloaked figure walking down the hall behind Mugguba Gruff. So close to ensnaring the young man…and then the Gruff had to be with him and thereby protecting him! Minor characters had such difficult roles.

So, trailing behind, worried they knew where the two were headed and worried how Kiaba would be killing them, the clone-guards began to contemplate whether or not they had a soul. For once, they agreed with Put'oh's opinion that no one should have been cloned until a lot more research had been done. It certainly would have been better never to existed than face Kiaba's wrath…

"Why do you want to see my brother?" Muggy tried to sound nonchalant, but he was failing. If anything, he was just making his nerves more obvious by posing the question at all.

"I have to ask him a question." Discerning his new squire beginning to trip, the knight shot an arm out to try to stable him. Then, once the boy was righted, Sir Balydelot quickly pulled his arm back under the cloak.

So, intrigued yet? He's definitely hiding something…

Gazing up at the knight…DANGER! Mugguba Gruff is beginning to look at Blaydelot the same way he looks at his older brothers! A look of complete trust, fondness and pride…all muddled together to make one heck of cute face. But at HIM? Muggy, how could you betray your brothers…?

Fortunately, Sir Blaydelot did not look down, or else, he for sure would have been ensnared by a sudden brotherly love for the youngest Gruff. Yes, the Beam.

Now why would he get all sorts of skills and come close to being a too perfect character? Well, it was his brother's flaw that turned out to be his own perfecting unit. In order to be safe in all situations, Muggy knew a variety of skills. And Takahashi never gives the poor boy enough of a role, so I decided to do it. Muggy's Beams…you know, the absolutely adorable face that happened in the Noah Arc during Yami Yugi's duel versus Gansely and the Kaibas were walking in the woods…(zone out seeing his utterly cute face…can he really be 12?)

Sigh.

Let's look at that face again: Face upturned, eyes shining in absolute love, a single blink, and then excitement as he runs down the path to be of help to his brother. Yep, that's the Beam.

If you don't know what I am talking about, tell me, and I will direct you to a place where you can view his beloved face at your leisure! No one should go through life without seeing that face looking out at…you! But, sorry, back to the story.

In some ways, such a trait was related to Sirens, but it is just rude to compare an innocent look that draws people in to an evil singing to bring sailors crashing on the rocks.

So, safety in ignorance, Sir Blaydelot walked on, oblivious that something irredeemable happened under his nose.

* * *

It didn't work, Sama-san-dono. 

_That's because you did it wrong! I'm not a genie, I'm a djinni!_

Can you imagine the confusion? The words are pronounced exactly the same way.

Well, if you're going to be so rude about it, I'll just let you stay there. Kun turned his attention back to his newly-quieted friends, Clothier having pulled the other two apart.

_Oh, no, you won't! I have important work to do, and I will take over whether you want me to or not!_

Now that piqued little Kun's interest. As far as he knew, which could be very wrong, considering he forgot what happened when this other self took over, Sama-san-dono had never taken over without his permission before.

I don't think you can. Still, Kun was worried. So, he continued, What if you give me another clue on how to summon you as a djinni?

_I told you, it's against the rules._

This was frustrating. And frightening. Kun surely didn't want this other self to take over. After all, it might get them into more trouble in this dungeon. The guards might think he escaped or something. So, he did the only thing that he could think of to ensure that no other self would grab his control: he snatched the hat off his head and put it on the ground. Then, just for good measure, he whacked it once, as if it would help teach the being within to be nicer.

Well, that whack was just what had been needed to summon the djinni from the hat. There, coming forth in a small version, though the same appearance, of the giant, a shimmery, see-through person who clearly resembled Kun joined them in the cell.

"Ahhh! A ghost!" Axel, the once so brave knight, was scooting backward in the cell in a panic. No doubt, it was because his bravery was leaving him as his adventuring spirit had been leaving him as soon has he had turned into a prince.

"I'm not a ghost," Sama-san-dono said irritably. "I'm a djinni."

Now that got quite a different response out of the crowd.

"A genie, really?"

"Wow! So that's why you asked me the question, Kun." Barleyo's eyes took a rather indescribable glint.

But, the one who had been the most afraid was now completely in control of himself once again. "That means you have to give me three wishes!" About to start rattling off his wishes, the djinni stopped Axel.

"I don't answer wishes. I am a djinni, not a genie."

Earl looked at Tanner who looked at Barleyo who looked at Axel who stared aghast at Kun, who shrugged.

"Then what good are you?" Axel asked, as if he understood the two words were different.

"I'm here to save the world," Sama-san-dono began, and as his eyes looked around the room, he sensed something odd when gazing at Barleyo. It reminded him of that pirate. "You again! I'll put a final stop to your ways!"

* * *

Hesitantly, Muggy's trod slowed and halted. "This is his study, but he really doesn't like people to interrupt him, you know. At all." 

"It's all right; I'll go in alone," Blaydelot said with a small smile. "I'm not intimidated by Kiaba Gruff."

A low chuckle and a scoff came from behind the two. "Maybe you should be."

Whirling, Blaydelot focused on the shadows, seeing one slightly detached as it took one step closer. A glowing residue remained on his fingers from his work with the scrolls, making the sorcerer look like he was about to cast fireball into their midst.

"We were just looking for you," Sir Blaydelot said after a pause.

"I'm well aware of that. In fact, I would fathom I know more about you than you could possibly know about me. Otherwise, you wouldn't be attempting to bother me when I am trying to work."

Muggy gulped. His brother did hate being disturbed. Still, if he urged Blaydelot along right now, maybe everything would be fine…but the knight wouldn't budge. Standing strong, he kept his gaze on the sorcerer's face, just as dumb as Axel, it seemed, when he was seconds from death.

"Brother Kiaba!" Muggy cried, jumping in front of the knight, but not like that was an issue. Kiaba could easily just Glare above him and still slaughter the idiot. "Can't you at least listen?"

"Listening will be wasting my time, and you know my schedule is tight." But, fortunately for Blaydelot, taking the time to Glare him was also too may wasted seconds. The only reason he had been able to speak so much and wait there was because he had been going to the dungeon anyway, and his studies were mostly ahead of schedule.

As he had been speaking, Kiaba had been heading down the circular stairs to the dungeon. The others had to follow him to hear the end of his words.

"I don't think you should bother him…" Muggy trailed off as the knight promptly ignored his words and walked along after his elder brother. Then, the boy sighed, not even realizing how much he sounded like Put'oh and how much Blaydelot was acting like him.


	16. How the Term Archenemies Began

**Chapter 16 How the Term "Archenemies" Began**

"You're finished!"

Unbeknownst to the others, Barleyo was shoved aside as Egomaniac eagerly took over the commands. He couldn't wait to finish off this nuisance who was somehow privy to his plans to take over the world. How had he discovered that? (Well, really, Egomaniac gave himself away…)

"I foresee none of this is going to lead to anything good."

That voice officially made Axel leap out of his cowardly skin. He was certain a ghost was inhabiting the walls. Clinging to Tanner, he looked at the young man's hard face and released him suddenly.

"Eh, you had a really scared look on your face…" Axel muttered.

Raising his eyebrows, Clothier went to the edge of the cell and peered into the gloom, avoiding the guards watching them with a universal bored expression.

"I think there's another prisoner in here."

"Of course. I've been here for longer than you have, and I had a feeling you would join me today. I also have a feeling someone else is about to join us."

Kun raced eagerly to the edge of the bars, trying to see the feminine speaker. He had never seen such a mystic-sounding voice. And he also wanted to see who was joining them.

A strange floating glow was the first thing the short guy saw. Then, he recognized the tall shape as a person.

"Wow, she was right!"

De Vlin narrowed his eyes. "I think she saw not at all but heard the footfalls!"

"And that means anyone would have known," Clothier added, looking just as suspicious.

The woman was silent in her cell where no one could see with the darkness.

Furious at being ignored, both Sama-san-dono and Egomaniac went over to the edge to see what took their limelight.

"Isn't that Put'oh Gruff?" Axel asked with a frown, squinting where one lone torch cast a faint light on the tall man.

And there, my friends, is when Kiaba began his utter loathing of The Sir Prince Axel.

Farther on the stairs, trotting along behind, Muggy shook his head and muttered, "Uh oh." When Blaydelot cast him a confused look, he whispered, "He _hates_ being mistaken for his twin."

The tall figure went closer to the cell, looking down at those in it without moving his head. For some reason, just seeing the bits of his eyes was extremely intimidating. Together, as he moved closer, the five—well, six with the "djinni"—moved back. Muggy, having jumped and grabbed the torch, followed his brother far enough back so that the levitating cloak was in no danger of catching aflame.

And there, my friends, is when The Sir Prince Axel began his utter loathing of Kiaba, sorcerer with the floating cloak.

He wanted one.

He was a prince, and so he ought to look as regal as this whatever-he-was.

He wanted one.

And, he deserved one because he really wanted one.

So, that was the ex-knight's first thoughts on seeing this guy who looked like Put'oh but had a more kingly stance and a much eviler glare. Still, they had to be the same person.

"Are you here to let us out? Get on with it already! Some quack thought he had the right to lock us up because we knocked on his door. How insane is that?"

No, Kiaba's loathing of Axel was not about to fade after first impressions were over.

"Oh? Some quack? Who was insane?"

Now Axel was _really_ confused. This had to be Put'oh, but his voice was lethally soft, soft and cold.

"Uh, yeah. Will you let us out already? We have to find that idiot Blaydelot before he makes off with our cash!"

"Um, Axel? I told you have the money. And Blaydelot is right there."

The knight was in view, giving a crooked smile to The Sir Prince Axel who never learned when to shut his mouth.

"Good! Let us out! I can understand you locking away your brother Muggy because you're so paranoid of him getting hurt, but we're the ones who _do_ the hurting. We'd be prot—"

"Shut up," Tanner said, jabbing him at the same time Earl did from the other side. Sandwiched, with no air, Axel finally stayed quiet.

But it was too late.

"Let them rot in here. I see no reason they should be saved."

There was a moving sound from the other cell; someone had gotten up. "I predict you'll take those words back and all of us will be released from these cells tonight."

Kiaba, already back near the stairs, gave the woman a full seven seconds of his time as he paused. "And, just because you said that, Iheezu Yucktar, you'll all be remaining until morning at least."

Worriedly, Muggy looked at all the cells, but really, only the two were in use. Still, he waited once his brother was gone (why had he even come?) to talk to them all. The guards were still around to make certain Kiaba's orders were carried out.

But, Blaydelot never seemed to understand how close to death he was because he was still following Kiaba. And, once the sorcerer was back in his study and wanting to work, he ignored the follower and sat down.

Waiting with amazing patience, Blaydelot sat down on a stack of books high enough for a chair and crossed his arms, legs stretched out before him. The cloak still covered him well.

Irritably, Kiaba ceased the translation he was doing for a spell and glared at him, but just so we're clear, it wasn't a Glare.

"Just say what you want and leave."

That was what the knight had been waiting for. Smiling, he straightened and leaned forward. Seriously, he began to say just exactly why he had come.

And if you think I'm informing you, just try to eavesdrop. It will avail you not at all.

He finished with a formal invitation, "So, how would you like to travel in our company?"

Kiaba Gruff was not pleased. In fact, he was never happy. Amused, often. Sarcastic, always. He worked all day and most of the night—slept for five hours every four days—and still had more to do. So, when someone asked if he'd care to join them on the travel, what do you think his response was?

He gave a little smile that was more of a taunt at the person who asked the question. Then, quietly, "Hmm. Yes."

Whoa! Do you know what this means? Do you have any idea what kind of plan he must be formulating in his mind that he is going to take off work to go gallivanting? Do you have any guess as to what Blaydelot must have just said to him?

And peering closely at the cloaked figure before him, the sorcerer for once was regretting that he had no light. Something about that face was…

* * *

"Are you going to let us out or not?" Axel demanded of Muggy. 

The youngest Gruff shot him an annoyed glance. Of course he was going to let them out, but it didn't mean he wanted to be asked first. That took away all the fun and originality. In fact, now that the ex-knight had mentioned it, Muggy wasn't at all certain he was going to oblige them.

Instead of going to the cell where people were anxiously awaiting him, Muggy went to the room holding the calm Iheezu Yucktar.

"What are you here for?" he asked.

The figure in the darkness closed her eyes and gave a smile that was difficult to see from the lack of glowing flames. Still, he wondered why she smiled when she was within a jail cell that his brother had hinted would never release her.

"Your brother simply has a grudge against all of my kind."

That was no answer. Kiaba had a grudge against all sorts of people, the first being any who interrupted him. Most likely, this woman had done just that. Still, it wasn't right for her to be locked up interminably for _that_.

And, standing there in indecision, the boy suddenly smiled. Muggy doubted his brother would yell at him for being the one who did it—released the prisoners.

"Excuse me," Muggy said quietly to a guard. When the man ignored him, the youngest Gruff huffed and kicked him in the shin. When the guard bent over from the sudden pain and released a grunt, the boy grabbed the keys from his belt and muttered, "Thanks."

Then, he went over to Iheezu's cell and rattled the keys within, somehow having the luck to have the first key fit, and managed to open the door before the other guards made it over to him. The one he had kicked was recovered and coming toward him with a dark face.

Of course, knowing what you do about our favorite youngest Gruff, you know these guards are without a chance. The prisoners will probably be rounded up again, but certainly Muggy will manage to sneak through the grasps and cause all sorts of more mischief before someone gets him in line.

Yet, one Gruff is unaccounted for. Yesah is busy sailing and transporting his goods all over, and Kiaba was busily plotting all sorts of things, and Muggy, of course, was Squirming all around, but Put'oh? Where was the environmentalist speaker now? He _had_ been working on his speeches, but then, once Muggy was gone with the knight Blaydelot, do you think he could sit still long enough without being worried his brother was going off on a quest bound to end in his death? Of course he decided to look for him. And, hearing the ruckus, he had gone down the spiral stairs in a panic, dreading whose mutilated body he'd find in a pool of blood.

Fortunately, Muggy was far from sitting in a bath of blood; indeed, he had not even a scratch on him. But still, the sight of the incensed guards chasing after his brother was too startling after his most recent worry and relief.

"CEASE!"

Words rarely mean anything or have an effect other than to cause someone nearby a headache. But, then, Put'oh Gruff was one of a set of twins, and his twin brother was a well-dreaded sorcerer. They both had inherited the genius of their ancestors and both had at least a hint of magic in the blood. Plus, being so emotionally affected, Put'oh's very yearning for his brother to be safe managed to draw out the flow of magical energy and transform its essence into a new shape. Tendrils of invisible power wrapped around all those in the jail, and within milliseconds of his word, everyone was frozen in place. Everyone. Even Muggy.

Even Put'oh.

His mouth having been open, Muggy tried to shout out his glee, but as his tongue could not move, it sounded something like this: "Coo rutha, ow oo goo gat?"

But, being the genius that he was, Put'oh translated his drooling words into: Cool, brother, how'd you do that?

I wish I knew, Muggy, I wish I knew. Put'oh, stuck staring straight ahead, sighed mentally (his own mouth partially closed, but more bared from forming the "s" syllable.). They'd all better get used to this because he had no idea how to undo it.


	17. Brotherly Affection

**Tawnykit:** Thanks for always being first to review! Thus far, I am trying to include everyone into my story, but that makes a lot of random characters to pop up. Oh, well, as if the rest of the story isn't random. As to Blaydelot...come on, I have to have at least one secret!

**Garowyn:** Thanks for always reviewing! Sorry, don't have much to say, except I hope you continue to laugh.

Oh, one last thing: Sorry, but I won't be updating until Monday again at least, but thanks for reading anyway!

**Chapter 17 Brotherly Affection**

How odd. He sensed a tremor of magic in the air, and it _wasn't_ from him. Unheard of. There was no one who could do any sort of spells—

Wait. He always forgot him. Actually, he was always _trying_ to forget him. But it was rather difficult, because his twin refused to just fade into the rest of the population. Oh no, first he had to glue himself to Mugguba, who was required to learn lessons from the sorcerer (both agreed to that, but they never spoke of it), and then he had to make himself a spokesperson of the land who wouldn't shut up. So, it was a rather difficult endeavor to actually forget Put'oh.

But there was no way he had just done magic.

Was there?

Sir Blaydelot, much too alert for Kiaba's preference, was watching his face and narrowing his eyes, already trying to come up with ideas of what was happening.

Magic was HIS domain. Put'oh may have taken Mugguba, but there was NO WAY he was taking his power as well. None. Whatsoever. Kiaba had to go have a chat with his brother right this instant.

* * *

It had been amusing for the first three minutes. Then, Axel decided it had become extremely boring. I mean, how well do you think someone who can_not_ stay still on his own for four minutes will take to being forced to be still for an unspecified amount of time?

He was going to go crazy soon.

Unfortunately for the others, Axel had been doing something with his mouth when he got frozen, so now he was well-equipped to drive them all insane with his ceaseless noise. But then, de Vlin and Tanner, both of whom were looking at him, were stuck seeing the drool slide out of his mouth unchecked. Well, it wasn't as if he had had a choice.

There was a little more drool than one would commonly suspect. Well, that would have been because Axel had been hawking his phlegm and was about to land the wad right on the nearest guard's body. But it never had gone from his mouth. Now, it was slowly oozing and making a puddle in his lap. Needless to say, the others would be wondering if he had been unable to hold his urine in long enough to make it to a respectable invention of waste removal.

Therefore, bored to his scantily few wits' ends, The Sir Prince Axel was vocalizing, being unable to hum or whistle. And vocalizing just made him drool more and just grossed the minstrel and troubadour more and just gave everyone a growing headache he (or she!) could do nothing about.

It is astoundingly surprising that everyone was _relieved_ to see Kiaba come thundering down the stairs appearing ready to throttle everyone he came across. I surely wouldn't be thrilled to see a sorcerer with power crackling at his fingertips, eyes narrowly close to a Death Glare, and naturally in a bitter, sour, sarcastic, cruel mood.

But, hey, to each her own.

"Rutha!" cried Muggy, which if you recall from the previous chapter, meant "Brother" for the more tongue-enabled.

Observing the situation with a critical eye, Kiaba could not help but smirk. Apparently, he had no need for his fears that his twin would take over his control. Put'oh could hardly have appeared more panicked. After all, his face was frozen in whatever it had been doing (yelling "CEASE!") and _still_ managed to look uncomfortable and near one of his attacks.

Kiaba sighed. His brother really needed to get some professional help for that.

Now…he could undo this simple spell. But it was so amusing to watch them all in their plight. Over in the corner, Axel was making a complete mess of himself. If only for that, Kiaba would wait just a little longer in doing the counter charm.

A gasp sounded behind him.

"What have you done?"

It was Sir Balydelot, of course. You should realize by now that he's following this guy everywhere.

Giving one of his there's-no-way-he-can-actually-see-but-it-looks-very-intimidating corner eye glances, Kiaba crossed his arms, smirk still firmly in place.

Put'oh made a hissing sound, for that was all he could do. Looking at his twin closely, Kiaba chuckled. For the lack of being able to blink, everyone down here was crying.

With a start, Kiaba's frozen glance strayed to his youngest brother. Mugguba was "crying," his face a strange contortion of excitement and strain. Strain to be so long left in this form.

Muttering the word that would free them all, Kiaba extended his hand and waved it with the word. Then, he turned aside and glanced away from everyone wiping their faces (or mouths), staying silent.

The guards immediately began blubbering apologies at not being able to keep control in their own prison. Blowing them aside, Kiaba look through narrowed eyes at the sordid bunch of travelers on the quest for the princess. Blaydelot had informed him of just what they were doing.

Behind him, behind all the guards, one figure slipped into the shadows and vanished up the stairs.

"Gross your face was indeed. And now others will think you have peed."

"They'd better not!" Axel cried when he had finally swallowed enough saliva in order to speak clearly. His hand instantly went to his sword to salvage what dignity he had left with the threat of a weapon.

"Others he said!" Tanner shouted, backing away from the threat, for although it was blunt and rusting, there was still a semi-sharp side.

Sama-san-dono, arms still crossed, was matching Kiaba's glare for one of his own. Somewhat uneasily, Kun glanced between them, wondering if he should introduce his other self who was now a djinni. But then, he couldn't exactly say who this other man was. He _looked_ a lot like Put'oh, but that Gruff was on the stairs still recovering.

This djinni was news to him. The guards had reported six people. The djinni, whose powers he could already sense, he was certain had not been one of those numbers. And Sir Blaydelot had not mentioned his presence when describing the group, but he had mentioned Kun turned into a giant.

Instead of dealing with that problem immediately, however, he turned toward his twin with one of his customary stares apt to make him weak in the knees.

Put'oh's glance strayed automatically to Kiaba's, as if the latter was emitting a magnetic pull, and he gulped.

"Ah…I…" There were no words to describe what had happened. The poor environmentalist did not know himself.

Kiaba smirked; the gesture was more of a threat than a portrayal of amusement, however.

"I see," he said lowly. "We'll be having a little…chat later. Don't miss it."

Barleyo, eyes narrowed, was comparing the two brothers' faces. The one was merely a kinder version of the tight-lipped, narrow-eyed, annoyed face of Kiaba. Both had the same chestnut hair that was dark umber and close to black in the dim light that strayed into the deep blue eyes, but Put'oh's were not the set that caused an observer's heart to skip in shock of the bitter emotion held frozen within them; instead, Put'oh's were like warmed oceans of the southern seas.

The twins were almost like two versions of the same person, which a certain part of Barleyo found extremely intriguing.

By far, the only one who had noticed a certain person leaving was the one who had caused all of this to happen in the first place. Muggy chose to keep silent, glad that the prisoner had been wise enough to leave while she could. Not like that other group who was still arguing…

Blaydelot, a calculating look on his face, looked at his comrades before focusing again on Kiaba. Then, the same girly smile crossed his face. Cloak wrapped tightly around himself, the knight strode over to Kun and the others.

"If you're ready to go, we have a princess to hurry up and save."

Axel's jaw dropped as he saw the knight head over to the stairs. "The nerve of him! He's the one who wanted to come here, where the Princess Tranquility most certainly is not, and he was the one who got us into the trouble in the first place. I'm going to go teach him a lesson…"

Automatically, Tanner and de Vlin grabbed his arms and held him in place.

"I don't like the way he's looking at me," Sama-san-dono muttered to Kun. Helplessly, Kun glanced over at Kiaba, still seeing the same cold look emitting from his eyes.

"Well, I can't do anything about it!"

"Maybe you should."

"Why don't you?"

"Hmmm," was all the djinni commented on further.

"Or," Kun added brightly, "you could go back inside the hat instead of being out at all. He couldn't look at you that way if you weren't visible.

Now, what do you think that did to Sama-san-dono? He was highly insulted, of course. He was just commenting on something and his other self had to get rude and tell him to get back in the hat as if he were a prisoner not allowed to be free.

Right then and there, it was a competition between the two "selves" of Kun. Sama-san-dono would refuse to go back in the hat and Kun would continue to try to make him. No matter who won, it was bound to make things confusing within Kun's mind.


	18. Back to the Main Storyline I Hope and th...

**Tawnykit:** Thanks for sending the URL onward. I appreciate the effort, truly I do. Thanks so much for the review!

**Garowyn:** What a time to ask what Yor is doing. She's back. But, sorry, I didn't do it just for you. Just coincidence. Thanks for reviewing!

**Fifth Champion:** Glad you interpreted a name at last, and thanks for always reviewing. I hope you continue to enjoy the story!

One last note: Sorry that the updates have slowed (come on, I know it really pleased you.) To be honest, I'm only about 17 pages ahead of you…so, as I said, I suddenly have to get myself back to writing. But thanks always for sticking around! I really appreciate your efforts to continue reading.

**Chapter 18 Back to the Main Storyline (I Hope) and the End of de Vlin's Rhyme**

Except for Mugguba, Iheezu Yucktar had escaped without notice. However, when she returned to her home, long since abandoned, she discovered a note from her brothers Stallionik and Balladion saying they had left to go west and join the clans waging war. Well, it looked like Iheezu was free to do what she wished, and she knew exactly what that would include. Tucking her crystal ball safely away, she went off into the growing light of the morning.

&

"So, just like that, we're free to continue?" Tanner looked from Kiaba to Blaydelot as if there were something going on between the two of them that he deserved to know about. Well, there was certainly something going on between them, but there was no reason the minstrel needed know about it.

"Then why'd you lock us up in the first place?" Axel was about to swear, but recalling just what type of story this was, he nobly (for an ex-knight) refrained his language.

Shrugging, completely uncaring about his question, Kiaba turned to climb the stairs once more. His answer was obvious in his lack of reaction; whatever he did or didn't do, it was none of Axel's concern.

Blinking after him, Barelyo commented, "What an extremely rude person."

"Hey, that's my brother you're talking about!" Muggy whirled around, fists tight. "Take it back!"

Placing a hand on the boy's shoulder, Blaydelot ignored Put'oh's intense stare in his direction and spoke directly to the boy. "As a squire to a knight, you should be careful to reflect chivalry in everything you do. I wouldn't want to have to leave you behind when I go to deal with certain nobles because of your lack of restraint."

Struggling within himself, as Put'oh was doing in keeping silent, Muggy finally nodded. But he shot a practice Glare at Barleyo one last time.

Kun and Sama-san-dono had fallen tensely silent, and they stiffly fell in line with the others as they filed up the circular stairs, leaving the prison and surly guards behind. The djinni's customary clothing, baggy pants and a vest, whisked gently with each stride. For some reason, that bothered Kun more than anything else; this other self of his was physical and real out in the world. It wasn't right that such a creature should be free to walk around when he owed his existence to Kun—at least, as far as Kun believed.

Chains clinking, Barleyo came up in the rear, eyes narrowing as he watched all the proceedings. Getting the hang of controlling this kin-member was getting far easier. Soon, Egomaniac would be able to act out in his twin desires: hunt down treasure and take over the world. At the moment, he couldn't decide which he would do first. He would have given a head-thrown-back-cackle, but it would have given poor Barleyo a crick in the neck…and Egomaniac would be sharing such feelings with him now.

* * *

Flying along on her witch way of transportation, Yor Love could only think of he future with excitement. Lounging in her flying bathtub, the only way to travel in luxury, she dreamed of discovering Axel.

Whoa, don't worry! Yor was not _taking_ a bath in the tub. She was just flying in it. There simply was no better style or anything so relaxing. Plus, with her many bags of supplies, it was easier to store them in the tub rather than hold them all. The only problem with the bathtub came when she would land and begin her search of Axel on foot, seeing as how her mirror still refused to update her on the young man's whereabouts. Then, having to struggle with toting the bath would be a nuisance.

But, until then, Yor watched the world float by from her favorite vantage point.

* * *

Though the group still had no idea why Sir Blaydelot had led them here, they were pleased to be leaving once more and searching anew for Tranquility. That was, after all, their mission, though Axel needed to be reminded of it every time he passed by a food cart.

Regardless, Clothier, de Vlin, Axel, Kun, Sama-san-dono, Barleyo, and even Blaydelot were waiting within the entrance of the tower for something. Only the very last latter knew what it was.

Much to Axel's disgust and frustration, he saw Kiaba returning with his brothers Gruff (Yes, Axel had finally discovered Put'oh and Kiaba were not the same person, but only when he saw them standing side by side). And, while Kiaba was not wearing his cloak, the beautiful item was draped over an arm. More alarming to the others was that he had a bag in his other hand.

"I'm his squire, so I have to go along. Besides, Kiaba said I could." Obviously, Muggy was still trying to make Put'oh see some reason in his going along with the group at all.

"I don't care what Kiaba said. He is not in charge of you."

"Oh, yes, he is! Both of you are. And right now, I'm opting to follow his directions."

What an infuriating child for Put'oh to have to watch.

"But your lessons…"

Kiaba hefted his bag to his bag in answer.

Lessons would continue on the road since it was obvious Kiaba was now traveling with the group to rescue Tranquility for some reason unknown to the others.

So, putting on his midnight blue ground-sweeping-if-there-had-been-no-self-fan-blowing-it-upward cloak, he followed the gang out of his tower and into the morning light.

* * *

All right, let's rattle them all off so there's no confusion. Axel was on the quest to find Tranquility, and his comrades Clothier and de Vlin had been assigned to him in order to get them out of Princess Serenity's hair. Kun, along with his other self, and Blaydelot had also been assigned so that there would actually be a chance of success. After that, Barleyo joined their group after being "rescued" from the pirates (adding Egomaniac as well), and Sir Blaydelot had "squired" Muggy. Then, because of some conspiracy between Sir Blaydelot and Kiaba, the sorcerer was traveling along. And, because Kiaba was going and he wanted to continue with the lessons on the road as well as that their brother was the squire to Blaydelot, Muggy had joined. Finally, with Muggy going, Put'oh had to accompany them. Did I miss anyone?

Oh, yes, the one trailing after them still. And the witch searching for Axel because it had been love at first sight in her mirror.

* * *

"How do you know we're going the right way? What kind of hint do you have and how do you know it?" Being a genius, it was inevitable that Put'oh asked his questions. Well, that either Put'oh or Kiaba asked those questions. But, because of the added factor of grumpiness (Muggy and he were traveling with buffoons into danger), it was Put'oh who was searching for a flaw in the plan.

Immediately after leaving the tower, Sir Blaydelot had set off on a trail hardly discernible from the random patches of shorter growth that happened naturally in a forest. And, never had he faltered on the trail, eventually coming to a road and going steadily in one direction.

"I've been around here plenty, you could say. I know my way. And I have accounts from people who have seen the princess toted this way."

"Toted? Somehow, knowing what I do, I doubt she would have been toted. I don't trust you," he added bluntly.

Muggy elbowed him harshly in the lower abdomen, considering that was how high he came up on his brother. He may have loved his brothers, but his adventuring spirit had already taken first place once. Yet, elbowing his brother just made him trip, and despite the pain rising, Put'oh grabbed him to stabilize him.

Blaydelot ignored any further questions, especially if they were from his own group members. Once, he tried to discreetly glance at Kiaba, but the sorcerer, head under his hood, had a smirk on his face as he observed everything, including the glance.

Setting a faster pace, as if it would make everyone too breathless to ask questions, Blaydelot only reluctantly halted for breakfast after Axel, Barleyo, Tanner, and the Earl rudely badgered him and Muggy had wistfully mentioned food once.

While they were eating breakfast, it was a lot harder to ignore the constant questions coming his way. Finally, Blaydelot turned around with a clatter (back in his complete armor) and kept his back to them all.

That was not the only tension. Sama-san-dono was ignoring Kun and constantly trying to match Kiaba's glare. There was no doubt in the djinni's mind that the sorcerer was a threat to the world. As to Earl and Tanner, their arguing was getting onto everyone's nerves along with Kiaba's smirk and staring eyes.

Finally, to the relief of Axel (they had been walking _forever_, and something told Axel that princes normally didn't walk), a tower was on the top of the next hill. While not as intimidating as Kiaba's at all, the mere lack of decoration proved it apt to be a boring place.

"The princess is in there?"

"Trust me. She's there."

That was the problem; everyone was beginning to doubt Sir Blaydelot. So, in exasperation, the knight halted a nearby skipping girl wearing a little orange riding hood and carrying a basket.

"Miss, do you know anything about who inhabits the tower there?"

The girl pushed her glasses (yes, they were invented) higher onto her face and looked at the group. Her blonde hair was in pigtails and a teddy bear's paw stuck out of part of the basket as if calling for help.

"What? I know all about the tower, don't I, Teddy? There's a princess in there!" She was about to launch into a speech on her genius-ness in being able to tell the person was a princess, but Blaydelot turned his back after telling the child to skip off to her grandmother's house. Huffily, she did so.

"See? I'm right."

"You think you have proof by a girl in orange? Such a trait is not at all…" Earl trailed off, face looking panicked.

"Now you've done it!" Tanner was laughing. "Nothing rhymes with orange!"

The troubadour gaped in dismay. Then he muttered, "Da—oh, this is PG/K, that's right. Darn." Thus ended the Earl de Vlin's rhyming days.

Well, not quite. A strange girl walked up from nowhere and beamed up at him. Behind her, a herd of sheep were baaing. "Actually, sir, my name is Dolorange. Thought it might help!"

And the cute little kid, who looked suspiciously like the other girl who had just gone by but in different clothing, skipped off down the road where she no doubt was going to get eaten by a wolf or fall under a spell

Triumphantly, de Vlin finished, "You think you have proof by the girl in orange? I would far more trust the girl named Dolorange!"

Sir Blaydelot ignored the crisis and the saving grace as well, merely striding off to the tower to do what was needed.


	19. The Princess? at Last and More Ruckus

**Chapter 19 The Princess? at Last and More Ruckus**

The tower was in view. And hanging from the window to about halfway down the wall was length of rope. Actually, on closer inspection, it was a braid of reddish brown hair.

"Oh, oh, I know what to do!" Axel raced over to the hair and looked up. "Uh, Tranquility! Send down your hair!"

Everyone watched the braid of hair, but it stayed where it was—halfway down.

"I can't reach it! I've failed in my quest! I'm terrible, unforgivable! My knighthood is forever lost to my straining grasp! I don't even deserve to be a comely prince! The king and queen will never forgive me for failing to rescue their daughter from the marauder's grasp! What will I do with my life? I'll become an outcast, unloved, unappreciated, forgotten, no one to sign ballads of to write verse about. My dreams forever unfulfilled!" Fortunately running out of air, the self-pitying man flung himself to the ground and sobbed into the dirt.

Sir Blaydelot looked down his nose at the ex-knight for approximately twenty seconds. Then he walked over to the blatantly-obvious door in the tower and opened it.

"Unlocked?" Put'oh crossed his arms but had to quickly uncross them to grasp futilely at his brother. "You're not going in there! It must be a trap."

"A trap?" Kiaba did not look at his twin as he spoke, but rather faced the tower where Blaydelot was poised to enter. He had just taken a swig of something blackish and rather viscous. The consistency was a lot like oil, but oil was for machines…no, I am not going there.

"Dear brother, I doubt anyone would set a trap to keep the princess within. More likely, she would find it undeniably fun to disarm on her own. The only way to keep her within is to make escape utterly boring. I thought someone like you would be aware of that."

Flushing, Put'oh muttered, "I was."

Kun was the only one hurrying after Blaydelot, and he seemed unaware that no one else was interested in following. Axel was still blubbering about failure and Tanner and de Vlin were just watching and waiting for Blaydelot to be struck dead. They were certain traps were waiting to be sprung upon them.

"Trust me, there's no traps and no one left around. They wouldn't let the princess just dangle her hair out the window if they were." Wishing everyone would just trust him, Blaydelot whirled around once more, his own hair almost whipping Kun except that the young man was too short. Suddenly, Muggy was followed behind the knight, moving aside Kun.

Grumbling and muttering things his twin no doubt didn't want to hear, Put'oh set off after the youngest Gruff.

"After you," Tanner said with a bow to Earl.

"No, you, shoo."

The minstrel suddenly gained a great idea. "I know exactly who we'll follow." He kicked Axel, saying, "Get up and rescue the princess! She's just inside the tower there."

"Eh? She is?" Looking up, Axel finally spotted the door and jumped back to his feet. "I am coming, Princess Tranquility! Fear no longer; the kidnappers will face justice by my noble hand, even if it no longer has the abilities of a knight! The one worthy of saving your pure skin from being trampled and abused is coming along to soon be your chivalric rescuer!" And, his voice continued to float back as he raced into the tower, but the other two gratefully could no longer discern his words.

Making certain they followed right after the young man, Earl and Clothier vanished within. Now, only Sama-san-dono, Kiaba, and the forgotten Barleyo/Egomaniac remained outside.

Knowing he was being watched by the djinni, Kiaba never faltered, heading up the tower with easy strides. "Hmph"-ing to himself, Sama-san-dono followed after, not to be outdone.

Then, left alone, Egomaniac grinned and grabbed his chains, ready to throttle the first person who came out of the tower again and grab the princess for himself. She had to be rich, and no doubt, because she ruled some land (or would eventually), his goal of taking over the world would be closer too.

* * *

Standing there in all her beauty (she couldn't resist flirting with the passing young men), Yor Love debated who she should speak with first. There were plenty of willing young men who would have spoken with her, but she didn't trust any of them. Instead, she turned to the little girl who had skipped over to her. 

Well, skipped was definitely not the right word. She had been sprinting and nearly collapsed in front of Yor, panting.

Disregarding the girl nearly dying in front of her, Yor asked, "Can you help me? I'm looking for a blonde-headed knucklehead who is traveling with a group of others for a missing princess."

The blonde girl held up one finger to indicate the witch to wait. Then, she removed her glasses, wiped her face, and regained her breath.

"I wish the call for my character wasn't so soon after the other role was! Is it my fault Takahashi has a lack of female characters! And I _am_ multi-talented, aren't I, Teddy, so I ought to play more than one role…"

Yor did not understand at all, but if the other members of the group had been there, they would have been eerily thinking of clones and just what Kiaba was doing in his laboratory. _Now_ is it a good time to explain about those clone-like sailors?

No, you want to stay with this odd young girl and the witch. Fine.

So, the understudy for all minor female roles, aka Fabecca Falconins, (1)told Yor Love exactly where her knucklehead was located and dashed off to do the rest of her understudy roles and continue her conversation with Teddy.

Climbing back into her tub, Yor set off, determined to get to Axel before he fell in love with the princess.

* * *

The bushes trembled a little to the left of the tower, but Egomaniac did not notice it, of course. He was too involved in plotting his take over of the world and what he would do with his riches. 

Stepping free of the bushes, Iheezu stabled her bag on her shoulder and looked at Egomaniac. From some feeling deep within her, she knew this was not the same person whose appearance he wore. Very intrigued, not the least by the fact that he had not even noticed her, she stayed still to wait on what would happen.

* * *

And finally, we'll go inside the tower to the Princess Tranquility and all her rescuers. 

Sir Blaydelot, followed closely by Muggy, Kun, and Put'oh, was racing up the stairs. His cloak fanned out slightly behind him, but it was nothing compared to Kiaba's natural levitating cloak.

Thus far, the stairs had only been going in circles up and up some more. The enthusiastic trotting of everyone started lagging, and Blaydelot stopped to catch his breath.

Put'oh managed to cast a glare at the weary knight before he bent over to catch his own breath. Only once his own head was down did the knight remove his helmet and let some air reach his face. Quickly, helm under arm, the knight turned around and continued up the stairs at a much more sedate pace.

By the time the door at the top had finally come, Axel, in some mad dash of his own, had caught up to them by nearly killing himself. The ex-knight was reaching for the doorknob, but from a certain look Blaydelot sent him from under the helm (yup, back on), he cringed backward, nearly toppling off the side.

"_I'm_ going in first. And you can just wait until I've secured the area."

"But it's my prize and my quest!"

"But I'm your squire!"

Unrelenting, Blaydelot stared them all down until he had some more room at the top to slip through the door on his own.

Then again, everyone took a couple steps back, but not a single one was giving up on getting into that room as soon as the door opened. Simultaneously, each person's muscles tensed in order to do a large dash up the few remaining stairs and get inside the room before Blaydelot could slam it on them.

From farther below, there was an argument.

"I told you to hurry up! We've lost them!"

"Lost them, how could that be? No doors or turns other than these have I seen!"

"I don't care if we're on a circular stair with only one direction, we've lost them, I tell you! And it is all your fault for trying to come up with that poem 'Ode to Fair Serenity!'"

"My poems are better than yours I say, and I walked up as I spoke the entire way!"

"Oh, really? Then what about that time you stopped to come up with the best word for the mahogany wood that 'echoed Serenity's lustrous hair?' And what about—"

"Enough, no more, your voice is a bore!"

Sounds of a struggle strained over to their ears, and as Axel glanced over the center of the stairs to see the two arguing, Blaydelot rushed through the door.

Put'oh, who had just been waiting for the move, raced upward, not caring, unless it was Muggy, who he scattered in his wake.

Now, this was quite a problem, considering the stairs had no railing, as de Vlin and Tanner had already discovered. Axel, leaning over the side, gave a strangled yell as he toppled from the side, arms flailing.

Farther down the stairs, de Vlin and Tanner stopped their wrestling to make the other fall into the pit and gawked as Axel plummeted by them.

A little farther on, the prince fell by Sama-san-dono and Kiaba, continuing to yell and flail as the ground raced ever closer.

"Oh, NO!" Sama-san-dono cried, about to move closer to the edge to better see his new friend splatter on the ground, but because he noticed no railing, he merely gaped from a distance.

"Save him, Kiaba, or else!"

A slow smile went over the sorcerer's face as he lazily leaned back. "Or else what?"

"Grrr. Don't meddle with his life, Kiaba!"

Still smirking, Kiaba waited even longer, looking at Sama-san-dono's growing-infuriated face the entire time. Axel's scream went up one pitch because the ground was so close, and immediately before the impact, hands already having smacked into the ground in a futile attempt to soften the blow, he stopped, frozen in midair.

Sama-san-dono was looking over the edge, eyes frantic. He relaxed when he saw Axel's floating, trembling body blubbering in thankfulness. Then, turning back around where Kiaba had continued going up, he glared at the sorcerer moving on. It was so infuriating that Axel had lived because now there was no reason to personally throttle Kiaba.

* * *

(1) You ought to know it's Rebecca. The name I got from "Fa" replacing the other singing word, "Re." Then, obviously "Falcon" from "Hawk." 


	20. Plummets

**Chapter…uh, Whichever We're on: Plummets**

Sir Blaydelot had rushed into the room as soon as he threw open the door, pivoting to slam it shut once more. But—

Well, how mean am I? Could Put'oh have put his hand into the doorway to attempt to get within and then have been rudely…um, _squashed?_ Hand crushed and bones powder? Finger quivering as the nerves yelled their anger and made fireworks of pain and light in the eyes? An indent still resting over his hand where the door had smashed it and blood bruises forming underneath—no, blood actually oozing out of the various cuts?

shiver That's just nasty. It didn't happen. I am not that mean! o.O…You don't believe that, do you?

…

Anyway, Put'oh was not fast enough to slip his hand into the path of the slamming door, and he saved his fingers in the lack of extreme alacrity. What had happened behind him remained a mystery for longer than it took Kiaba to aid the falling Axel. Muggy had not been the one to topple, so there was no reason for him to be alarmed. In fact, I don't think he even knew Axel had fallen. I mean, Axel was always hollering for something, so there was no reason for him to be alarmed. If the oh-so-chivalric knight Blaydelot had rushed into a room without halting to demand justice for an accidental murder, nothing must have been wrong.

The door was too sturdy to break down, and growling to himself, Put'oh once more doubted the sincerity of Blaydelot being hired by the king and queen and even the intelligence of the monarchs themselves. But then, he was wondering why it even mattered to him. It wasn't like he was the least bit interested in seeing this princess "rescued" and brought back home. She was just a dratted, blasted nuisance.

All that was needed for him to be reminded of why it all mattered was to look down and spot his brother pounding enthusiastically on the door below him.

* * *

"Eh? I must've died and gotten my wings! I'm flying!" 

Sama-san-dono frowned at Kiaba, but since the sorcerer was moving on up the stairs, his gesture was invisible. So he went for the intimidating voice instead.

"Kia-BA!"

The djinni had to scamper up the stairs in Kiaba's wake in order for him to even respond.

"Put Axel down gently!"

There was a snort of derision from somewhere higher than Sama-san-dono's eyes could see. With the hood mysteriously covering his face, it irked the other self of Kun that he could not look into Kiaba's eyes and intimidate him that way. Wow, Sama-san-dono actually thought he would be the one to do the intimidating. Apparently, he never saw the script and description of the characters. Right there:

KIABA GRUFF: COLD, SARCASTIC, CRUEL, INTELLIGENT, CAUSTIC, ARROGANT, INTIMIDATING…

Obviously, a more-thorough-script-reading character should have been the djinni. So, can you guess who that would have been?

The understudy to everyone, of course! Fabecca Falconins. Can't you just see Sama-san-dono wearing a stern look and carrying a teddy bear? Kind of reminds me of when a certain adorable Kuriboh brushed up against him in his duel against Gansely and the guy rudely shoved the fuzzball away.

Anyway…

"I don't know if I should shatter his reality in that way. No doubt he's better left 'flying' on his new 'wings.' He's doing the world a lot less damage that way."

The djinni who had once been a giant that had been the other self of Kun was getting annoyed enough to do something stupid. What would be his stupid act? Why, attacking a sorcerer.

"I've had your disrespect for long enough!"

"Actually, you haven't even had it at all yet, and in case you're wondering, the rest of your group, namely this Axel whose brain is as sharp as a wheel, has had it for approximately twenty-six hours, sixteen minutes, and fifty-four seconds. So, I don't think it has been very long at all."

Is there anything more infuriating than being unable to come up with a comeback for such a self-satisfied, arrogant, conceited, haughty, egotistical, bigheaded, superior, proud, overconfident, supercilious, self-important, condescending sorcerer? (And yes, I cheated; the thesaurus button is such a lovely tool!)

So, needing some sort of comeback, this was the best the djinni could do: "Well…I think your time is off by a few seconds!"

Don't say that to the machine, _please_, don't say that to the machine. Great, here comes a lengthy explanation describing exactly what happened and when to account for every second of when this group had stumbled into this creepy machine-human's life.

But fortunately for you, we're going to a different view.

* * *

"Axel!" Tanner yelled. 

"Alas, he is gone far and fast. Nothing we do will enable him to be as he was in the past. Gone is he is for good; give myself in his place I would…if I could."

"Yeah, right. You wouldn't be caught squashed as he is if you had any control over things. Such noble words you use and they are all lies. No wonder Princess Serenity prefers me!"

"Mangy cur, take that back! All your words unrhymed illustrate your slack!"

"Free verse is a very difficult skill to expertise in!"

The troubadour grabbed the minstrel, and with their strong fingers exercised in the playing of the lute, they went for one another's throats. Of course, from chanting poetry, singing ballads, and arguing all the time, their throats were quite strong as well. So it became a contest of which was stronger: lute-strumming fingers or prattle-rattling throats.

As could be surmised, the two never had a chance to find out. Kun was racing down the stairs at breakneck speed—literally—and charged full into them, doing what anyone would guess.

He knocked them off the stairs.

So, hurtling down in midair and still arguing over whose poetry was better, they smacked into Axel, breaking their fall and nearly breaking him as well. But it did save their lives. Well, that, and because they weren't so far up.

Now, when Kiaba makes a spell, he only makes good ones. So even with the added weight, the levitating Axel remained up. Well, up bodily, at least. Emotionally, he had taken quite a fall.

"What! Are you guys dead too?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, The Sir Prince Axel knew it was untrue. Wow, give him a cookie! He actually knew something. Well, it was really because he was assuming that if they were dead, those two certainly did not belong in heaven along with his own perfect self…but it still makes him seem semi-intelligent.

So, Kun was left yelping and staring down at the added casualties before again sprinting down the stairs. He really ought to have been slowing down because he was approaching Kiaba…and if the sorcerer were knocked off the stairs, though I doubt he would be human enough to topple, someone's head was going to roll.

* * *

Muggy was to the door as well, though he had at least watched Axel fall until he realized his other brother had halted the final splat. Then, after Kun had vanished down the steps, the youngest Gruff joined his brother at the door to attempt to enter. 

It was only a matter of time before he gained entrance. That was just how such things worked. Sir Blaydelot had been unable to securely close the door, and in his rush, he had stacked whatever was closest in the front of it. But that raggedy drawer was being pushed aside. Quite easily, I might add.

So, being helped from within after a little sharp hiss, two people were adding a heavy chest to the stack to slow down Put'oh and Muggy.

"I know, brother! I'll go out one of the windows from the stair and climb over to the window."

"No, you won't! Brick walls are not remotely like rigging ropes! If you go out there, you'll fall and die!" His voice was growing higher pitched, because, naturally, as soon as his suggestion had been made, Muggy had raced over to a window.

More than ever, Put'oh was regretting ever making Muggy into a Squirmer. There were just too many downfalls of his being able to get out of people's grasps who knew better and were trying to protect him. Then again, it kind of came naturally along with his tripping.

Tripping like he was doing right then, and plummeting head-first out of the window.

"MUGGY! ATPOUNDMONEYPERCENT!" (1) Which, of course, was his way of swearing without actually saying anything bad.

As fast as Put'oh could go, there was no way he could reach there in time. And, as mentioned, it was possible the boy would slip out of his grasp from his ability to Squirm. Sometimes, even against one's will, the Squirm would happen like a slippery earthworm falling back to the earth and dirt from where a child dug it out in order to feast on the new object.

Kiaba, if you recall, was hardly human. The others even saw him chugging down some viscous black liquid that had to be more glumped than swallowed to get it down his throat. Remember? I said, "The consistency was a lot like oil, but oil was for machines…no, I am not going there."

Yet, when it came to his younger brother, as you should remember, he had a terribly soft spot. In fact, Put'oh was willing to wager the entire collection of rain forests yet available on the earth that Kiaba was as fond of the youngest Gruff as he himself was.

Now, the sorcerer may have thought of his twin's attitudes and panic attacks with derision, but there was a certain tone that anyone would hear the desperateness within, and that yelp of Muggy's name held more desperation than anything Kiaba had hear before. Granted, he rarely left his work tower, so it wasn't as if he had heard a lot of yelps. Then again, one never knew just what he did in his laboratory. Remember the clones?...

But, he was convinced such a yell had never echoed within the vicinity of the world in such a tone before. Doubtless, the yell would continue to echo through stories and valleys for many years to come as the death-cry of Put'oh. No, not a literal death-cry. But death of his utter being.

Playing smirking, infuriating sorcerer to Sama-san-dono would have to wait.

No one had ever flown up the stairs so quickly.

Oooh, remember how Kun was flying _down_ the stairs? This doesn't look good…

_C-R-A-C-K!_

Wait! Look here. People just collided but _they didn't fall off the stairs!_ Someone must have sucked up to the narrator.

Broken bones existing somewhere, I'm certain, Sama-san-dono gasped when he saw Kun as one of the victims. It wasn't as if the djinni always argued with his other self. Or so his selected memory told him. And now, concerned, he raced over to check him over.

* * *

Some sort of saving grace always happens, especially fairy tales. And, of course, Muggy is too well-loved to dispose of. So, what would happen but his futilely grasping hands caught onto something. 

Something kind of grainy and thick. It would have been thick and luxurious, had it been real. But these were hair extensions, and even extended, you'll remember that it didn't reach the ground. But it reached part-way down the tower. And the window Muggy slipped through was directly under the windowof the tower the hair had been hanging. It was very surprising the hair hadn't been the kid's first initial instinct to climb. Then again, it probably had been.

So, dangling from a tail of cheap hair extensions, Muggy swung wildly outside the window, heart beating all the more as a faint wind blew his own locks about his face.

* * *

Anyway, you've been waiting to return to Blaydelot, haven't you? Or maybe Egomaniac with the waiting Iheezu? The witch Yor Love? The sad, depressed undine still keening for Barleyo? Or what about Fabecca Falconins and her Teddy? Don't tell me you want to return to the monarchs and their more average daughters. Should we do votes? 

Okay, Blaydelot it is. With the princess who wasn't screaming, yet apparently, her hair extensions had just been grabbed.

Well, sorry, your votes were wasted. It turns out they were having a private discussion. No readers allowed. Sorry, girl talk.

* * *

(1): I was always going to type it out as words, but if you don't know what I mean, it is the symbols commonly used to replace swear words. I'd show you, but the site keeps deleting two of them when I type them in a row... Don't you love how it deletes its own name and other such words from the doc manager to the real thing? 


	21. Untitled for Once

**Chapter 21 Untitled for Once**

Sama-san-dono checked Kun's pulse and was about to do mouth-to-mouth (even though knowledge of that wasn't invented yet) when the young man gave a loud groan. The djinni couldn't be certain, but he was thinking the groan may have had something to do with the loud crack that had sounded. There was an odd shape protruding at an angle on Kun, but there was no reason to grow alarmed over that. Nothing was jutting _out_ of the skin, after all.

As for Kiaba…he never even passed through the djinni's mind, which can't really count against him. After all, if roles were reversed, Kiaba would have walked right by a dying Sama-san-dono. No, correction: Kiaba would have _been_ the one to nearly kill Sama-san-dono.

Anyway, the sorcerer didn't hold it against the djinni mainly because he already held such a heavy grudge (especially for knowing the bald guy as short as he had!) and collection of contempt for Sama-san-dono that there was no need to add any more to make it more potent.

Since it was obvious no one was going to help him—not that he wanted help—Kiaba shoved himself to his feet with a terrible grinding sound.

Well, Kun was shorter, and where his collar bone took the glancing blow, it was Kiaba's left arm that went out of alignment.

Gritting his teeth (gasp! He's not a complete machine!), Kiaba stumbled on past the others with utter persistence merely because the cry of Put'oh still echoed in his ears.

* * *

Dangling from the hair and uncertain of being able to climb back within the window, Muggy did the only thing he knew instinctively. He climbed the hair up to the other window, the hair stable enough at the top to ensure he could come in easily. And once there, he gaped. 

The reason there had been no scream was because these certain hair extensions had been lassoed to a bedpost and left hanging out the window. Very convenient for accident-prone boys needing to grasp something as they fall from the window directly under the one they were hanging from. Hmm…_very_ convenient.

Panting, Muggy looked up to where, somehow, the knight and princess had not noticed his arrival. They stood at the other end of the room, closer to the door in case they needed to do something more to it and were whispering with their back to him. Well, rather, Sir Blaydelot was doing all the whispering, and it looked like he was doing it in a warning type of way.

Naturally growing curious, Muggy stayed quiet and slipped down to listen.

* * *

Once Put'oh realized with much relief that Muggy had not fallen to his doom, he raced back over to the door and pounded will all his might, interrupting their, the two locked within, conspiracy chat. 

A shriek rang out from within, so he was guessing they had found Muggy. Obviously unable to keep everyone out forever, and really making Put'oh wonder why they had been keeping the others out at all, Sir Blaydelot came over and hefted the blockage aside to open the door. By then, Kiaba was grasping Put'oh's shoulder rather tightly and seriously asking where Muggy was.

"He's here," Blaydelot muttered through the open door.

Kiaba and Put'oh, for once appearing almost the exact same (they're wearing different clothes, after all. Put'oh would never waste so much fabric that could be used to clothe freezing humans by having a self-levitating cloak.), stared within the room at Blaydelot and the Princess Tranquility.

* * *

Farther back down the stairs, a certain pileup was dissolving. 

"Get off me, you morons!"

Really, Axel, you ought to be looking in a mirror.

Speaking of mirrors, the witch Yor was at that moment approaching the tower still relaxing in her tub. Okay, not relaxing. She was frantically preparing herself to meet the man of her dreams, which meant a lot of digging around frantically as she attempted to show her pure beauty by slathering gunk all over her face.

But anyway, there's no need to focus on her or Egomaniac with the fortune teller standing silently behind him.

Instead, we must turn our attention to Kun and Sama-san-dono going down the stairs to aid the very angered and confused Axel, Tanner, and Earl.

After much trouble—yes, we're rushing through this boring part—and complaining, the five were at the top of the stairs also at the opened door. And they, too, peered within to see the princess.

"I've found you at last, dear princess! I have slain the kidnappers who held you for ransom and am now ready to give my utter being to your protection as we bring you back to the castle!"

For an ex-knight, The Sir Prince Axel certainly still had his chivalry-idiocy down, especially considering how he could no longer adventure.

Blaydelot closed his eyes briefly as if in pain or struggling. But the figure next to him smiled, brightening the very room with her gesture.

Sama-san-dono took a deep breath and stared. He had never seen such a lovely figure. Though he was no doubt ignorant of such devices, the princess had a very tight corset on to make her waist disproportional with the size of her, um, _upper_ body (rated PG/K!). Yes, that hour-glass figure that people make such a big deal out of was certainly present on this one. And, no doubt, there had been a few operations performed to make such disproportions on her figure. In fact, no one but Blaydelot seemed to notice how tightly she was holding onto his shoulder to keep standing. Otherwise, her absurdly small waist would have been unable to keep her torso straight.

Unaware of everything but the cerulean eyes, short ruddy-brown hair, and blissful smile, Sama-san-dono sank into a murmured verse:

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate:

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,

and summer's lease hath all too short a date:

Someti—" (1)

Tanner looked at de Vlin and both burst out laughing. "I've never heard such bad poetry in my life!"

Blushing furiously, Sama-san-dono fell silent. But the princess was chuckling slightly, cheeks red in pseudo-modesty. There were only about three tiny giggles before her face purpled and she was gasping for air. Blaydelot, in an annoyed way, helped keep her up until she was able to calm down. No large quantities of air could ever get in with such a tight corset. All for the sake of looking like an anime character.

"That's not the princess," Put'oh finally strangled out. His twin had narrowed eyes that meant the same thing.

"But…of course…I am." The girl had not quite gotten her air back in control, or maybe that was the best she could do when she was getting as much as she could.

Sir Blaydelot confirmed it: "This is Princess Tranquility. You can escort her back to the castle with your two friends there, but I have bigger matters to go on with." The knight's eyes flicked over to Kiaba, but the sorcerer was still glaring at "Tranquility."

Put'oh was shaking his head. "That's not her. I've _seen_ her before. No offense, or rather praise, meant, but you are certainly not Tranquility."

Even Tanner and de Vlin were agreeing with him. "Serenity and Equanimity share some features, and we have seen the king and queen. You don't look anything like the royal family."

Blue eyes wide, the "princess" glanced at Blaydelot. "I am…she! Tranquility…is my name!" In desperation, she turned to Blaydelot. "Tell them…Your H—Sir-ness!"

"I already did," Blaydelot replied coldly. He was trying to urge everyone back down the stairs, a dangerous endeavor considering he was mostly just pushing and forcing others to get nearer to the edge where falling was a serious threat (as you well know).

Kiaba frowned and freed his hands from his robes, or rather, one hand. The other was still throbbing as it fought for attention, but the debatable-if-he-was-human sorcerer ignored all notions of pain. "Stop this charade. I know who the real princess is. I had a hint of it long before." He pointed one long, steady finger at Blaydelot. "Take off your helmet and let me see your face, Your Highness."

Fast on the uptake and being his twin, Put'oh suddenly realized he had never seen the knight without his armor except that one night in his brother's tower. But there, the young man had been wearing a hood to drape over his features.

Blaydelot was saying nothing, only glaring out from behind his helm.

The girl next to him did something very dangerous then. She burst into tears.

Obviously, from previous difficulties, it was apparent that her frame could not support such racking sobs, and trying to breathe was going to be fruitless with the strings so tight. Going from crying to gasping within moments, the "princess" was in danger of passing out.

Then, because being unable to breathe led to panic, she cried out with the last of her breath, "I'm just…the lady-in-waiting!...Lemonade! (2)Save me!"

Very frustrated and annoyed, Blaydelot drew his sword, making everyone inhale. Well, everyone but Kiaba and the choking Lemonade. But Sama-san-dono's and even Kun's were more drastic to make up for the lack of either one.

"You will not harm her!" the djinni cried, stepping before the sinking figure.

Rudely, Blaydelot shoved past and did a cut straight down Lemonade's front. Gaping, Sama-san-dono ran forward to watch her and hold her in his arms as she breathed her last, the blood pouring freely…

Except Blaydelot had merely cut the strings of the corset. Even the rest of the gown was undamaged. No disgusting displays of operated-on-cleavage here!

While that had been happening, Put'oh had stridden forward and firmly grasped the knight's helmet, pulling it off in one swing after the sword had been safely dropped back to his side.

Brownish-blonde hair tumbling free, everyone stared at the glaring Princess Tranquility.

* * *

(1): Shakespeare's "Sonnet XVIII"  
(2): Téa...of course. The drinks, get it? 


	22. Cross Dressers

**Fifth Champion: **Thanks so much for all the reviews! I'm so glad you get so excited and guessed something about Blaydelot. Yep, I've seen Pirates, twice…unfortunately, that last thing was probably something I stole subconsciously because I can't even remember the scene. I wonder how much else I stole without realizing it…I know about the dead pirate part, though, and took that purposefully.

**Garowyn:** Thanks so much for the reviews! Bwa-ha-ha! Téa's not last! There's more people yet…well, we haven't seen them all, have we? Okay, minor duelists are not going to be included. That's great, I managed once more to make you feel dumb! Just kidding…about the happy part, that is.

**Tawnykit:** Well, look at my bio page! I managed to figure out how to do links. It's nice to know you weren't fooled…then again, I must not be too talented at mysteries, lol! And I'm glad you had some connections to real life. I was hoping everyone would recognize that sonnet.

**Chapter 22** **Cross-Dressers**

"So you're telling me the princess had been along the entire time?"

Poor Axel. No, rather, poor everyone with Axel who continued to ask the same questions over and over.

Now, all the rather girly smiles made sense and how covered the knight had been whenever out of the armor. Even the voice they had been hearing sounded falsely low (which it had been) now that they knew otherwise.

"How could not one of you know?" Kiaba asked, swiveling from one figure to the other before shaking his head in disgust. Regardless, none of this really mattered to him.

"Never have I sullied my eyes with one other than the one whom I prize."

Clothier agreed with Earl. "I have only ever seen Princess Serenity with any reliability."

Kun had never seen any of the royal family except for the monarchs on that day they were assigned, and as noted, Put'oh, who may have recognized her, had only seen the knight in his armor. Her armor. Everyone was getting headaches.

Do you realize what all this means? Do you have any inkling what sort of effect this will have on the story? A very terrible one indeed!

sniff- I'm going to miss writing "Blaydelot…"

And a mournful author is nothing to joke about!

All right, all right, I'm sure you care nothing for my preferences.

Tranquility had changed from noble knight to stereotypical arrogant little princess twit all in a bat of the eye. Which Lemonade was doing quite a lot of—batting her eyelashes at none other than Sama-san-dono, making him blush again.

Now, this angered little Kun. Why shouldn't it? After all, the djinni wasn't even technically alive, and normally he was locked away inside Kun. But, because he was free, he was taking away all the chances Kun had with the lady-in-waiting. It just wasn't fair. At least one good thing came of this—Kun was so busy growing angry that he forgot the aching pain from a broken collar bone.

"Fine, I'm the princess. That just gives you all the more reason to obey my instructions!" She pointed at Axel. "You can return to the castle anyway and get your 'reward' by telling my parents I don't plan to stick around much longer. I have bigger goals than living on their 'generosity.' And I won't be marrying anyone they name for me no matter what!"

She turned toward the sorcerer. "You promised you'd accompany me to the next stage of my endeavor!"

Muggy, in great indecision, could not resist adding, "And I'm still your squire!"

Put'oh was instantly pointing out the flaw in his youngest brother's argument. "No, you're not. She was never knighted and therefore could not have made you her squire. You are free to travel away from her since anywhere away from her is safest. There's no need for you to be dragged into her murderous 'adventures!'"

Savior to all then entered:

Through the window where the hair still creepily crawled down the side of the tower, a wide shadow blocked all the light. Then, with a thud, the figure collapsed onto the floor into a heap.

"I know I'm needed…" The figure struggled to right itself, then finally, with a tug to straighten the dress, looked out at everyone. "I am here to help, godchild! It is I, the wicked troll godmother!"

Troll godmother indeed. There had never been a worse-looking godmother in all the annals of fairy tales. Or maybe the name should be troll tales now.

"Shut up," Tranquility said instantly, ignoring the new figure. Obviously, she was used to such sudden appearances of the grotesque godmother. Or rather, godfather.

Yes, there were many cross-dressers around here. But there was always a good reason for it!

The role of fairy godmother had to be played by a god_mother_. So, when one of their kind seemed to appear rather masculine, old, and unattractive, it had to mean that the godmother was just not a fairy. Instead, she was a troll. But really, it was just that the godmother was an old man.

Somberon (1), as he was called, did not appreciate being told to "shut up." I don't think many people are. The phrase was just so rude and would make a young person grow up vulgar, which was why Put'oh was fighting to have it removed from prime time television, not that television had been invented yet.

"I could take away my blessing, you know! Young people," he said in disgust, shaking his head. You couldn't count on any young people these days, especially to do their chores.

"You wouldn't—no. You _couldn't_ take the blessing. If you had been able, you would have done so long before when my parents threatened to have your bandanna removed."

Most fairies had wings they took great pride in and could sometimes even fly with, but this godfather had a bandanna he swore let him levitate.

Still, despite her words, there was a hint of sharpness that indicated the threat was a good one. Apparently, whatever the blessing had been, it had angered her parents and really pleased Tranquility. Therefore, it was safe to assume it was something like being granted the Adventure Bug to bite her multiple times.

So, it is about time to get down to it and figure out (drum roll, please) Just What Does Tranquility Want?

Answer: To succeed where no one had ever done so before. And, the places to do that were with animals that were commonly found in fantastical stories: the unicorn, but that was no problem. She was a maiden, and to do anything with a harmless, innocent (unless you asked Axel!) creature was a waste of her time. But dragons…that was her goal. She could slay a dragon, but what good would that do? People had done it before. Tranquility wanted to tame a dragon and bring it home with her just to show her parents she was not useless. Then, she would go off adventuring some more.

Now, did Tranquility ever plan ahead or do her research and discover that Kiaba had a special affinity for dragons? Certainly not. She just knew she wanted a sorcerer nearby to distract it because odds were that the beast would kill her before she could tame it. But, luck was with her, because this dragon she was seeking, one so sparkly and clean it could almost be called white, with royal blue glittering eyes, was one that had an equal affinity back for the sorcerer. Well, his twin too.

Perhaps luck was another part of the troll godmother's blessing?

Nah, just dumb coincidence.

So, now that everyone besides the godmother and Tranquility were vastly confused, the godmother turned toward a grimacing Kun.

"Looks like you need some help. I know just what to do. Here."

There was a flash and a smell of rotten eggs, but miraculously, Kun's collarbone was back to normal. Or, at least it didn't hurt. The godmother turned to Kiaba next, but he held out a hand and muttered something in the language of magic.

"I don't want your help, old man. So keep it to yourself."

Somberon sputtered, deciding once and for all that today's youth was simply irredeemable. Of course, that just tempted the troll godmother to put a "blessing" on the sorcerer, but something told him it wouldn't work. Maybe it was the creepy way Kiaba was smiling at him, if smiling could even be used to describe it.

If ever there were danger being born from the moment, it was right then. This time, it was Tranquility looking at Kiaba with a pleased expression, and uh, maybe someone should tell her… "Hey! Blaydelot, aka Tranquility! He's a machine. Machines don't have feelings."

Anyway, no hope in that direction, even if being able to make others listen and do as commanded was a great feat Tranquility wanted. Kiaba would never be interested.

De Vlin was playing with a strand of his hair as he watched everything happening in a bored manner. If no one was going to rhyme to even make things interesting…He looked out the window, intrigued by the distance to the ground, and as he stuck his head out of the window, he saw something.

"Lo! Something out yonder makes me ponder!"

Tanner instantly joined him in sticking his head out the window, which actually made both of them safer. Now, if for some odd twist of coincidence they tumbled, they would immediately become stuck in the hole because the window was somewhat small.

Of course, everyone else wanted to see, but it was only Put'oh and Kiaba who were tall enough to see over the heads of the other two. The twins glanced at each other, said nothing, and both leaned over the others.

Down there, quite a sight, was a large bathtub having landed. Of course, Barleyo was there speaking to the ravishing occupant who had just climbed out. But the feminine figure never paid him heed, instead dashing up the stairs in one of her less intelligent decisions.

Running all the way up the stairs would just wear her out and force her to stop midway to reapply her makeup. And really, wasn't a more astounding appearance to drive her tub to the window and gracefully climb out? Perhaps Yor would even put Lemonade to shame. At the very least, she knew how to wear a corset without fainting.

Put'oh shook his head and muttered. Tranquility, who had been ignored and left in the back, too short to see, was excited.

"What is it?" She was already drawing her sword with a lethal grin. "Something come to kidnap the poor 'princess?'"

Muggy was looking at his brother with the same question, and Put'oh muttered, "It's that witch from the castle."

What was more frightening than Tranquility's expression was the one forming on Kiaba's. Along with the dark face, the others could feel him collecting power, and just the aura made the others feel ill.

"A witch." Kiaba chuckled lowly. "We'll see what she makes of a sorcerer."

Now, the real knight, or rather, the one who used to be a real knight—actually, that is technically two people—the one who was pretending to be a real knight…no, that describes them both also. _Tranquility_, despite having been "Sir Blaydelot," did not look anxious to stand up for the oppressed, or rather, soon-to-be-disadvantaged witch. So, the one who still really missed being his old knightly self stepped forward. Literally, striking his breast as he did so.

"I cannot allow such a callous display of might against that which is gentle and lovely. If no one else here will, I will protect the fair maidenly witch from this heinous sorcerer."

"Oh, really?" the sorcerer asked with a customary smirk. "Do you even know the meaning of the word 'heinous?' Or were you actually referring to me as a noble, with highness…?"

"KIABA!" Axel charged at the other, but, in reactions as fast as Put'oh's regarding his younger brother, Tanner and de Vlin clutched The Sir Prince's arms, keeping him alive awhile longer yet. But really, since it was only a matter of time before he killed himself, they didn't know why they bothered.

Somberon cast an annoyed glance at all these people taking the attention off him (I certainly forgot about him, what about you?).

"Tranquility, I think we should just go back to the castle. Your parents are probab—"

"Rejoicing," Tranquility finished. "I told you, I'm not going back there ever. I am old enough to journey on my own with no remonstrations, and I have to fulfill my quest. If you really cared about your job as troll godmother, you would come with me to help me."

The troll godmother just stared at her, aghast. Why did everything he try to help somehow wither and fall off the branch before blooming like a rosebud after fall's first frost? It just wasn't fair that he had been assigned to such a picky, snippety girl with no taste at all for royalty (or was it his "blessing" that had made her that way?). There went all his dreams of having a place of honor at the banquet table when Tranquility one day ruled.

Kiaba, without a flinch when he moved his arm as he walked, glared snidely down at everyone. "As odd and uncharacteristic as it may sound, I tire of these buffoons and am ready to go with to deal with the treasure-hoarder. Try to keep Mugguba safe and with you at all times if you can possibly do that, brother."

Put'oh scowled, reaching a hand out to his younger brother's shoulder, but the boy was frowning and stepping aside. "I'm going too! I'm Tranquility's squ—" he stopped abruptly when he remembered the old argument. Then his face brightened. "I know! I'm her lady-in-waiting!"

"Muggy!" Put'oh groaned, hiding his face with one hand.

"She already has one fine and capable of doing the job. And that would be me." Lemonade fanned her face as she went down into a curtsy-attempt, and just as she toppled over from her unbalanced weight distribution, Yor Love stepped inside the room, not a bit out of breath. But really, she had cheated, levitating up the center instead of walking up each stair.

The witch ignored everyone in the room, including the princess and smirking sorcerer, turning instead instantly to the center of her devotion.

"Oh, Axel!" she breathed.

Axel looked behind him, but his friends were looking at him with jealousy and complete confusion on how he had gained the beauty's attention, well, most of his friends. Kun and Sama-san-dono were both trying to help Lemonade back to her feet. The Gruffs were busy in their family feuding, or in Kiaba's case, ignoring it.

But, there was one developing minor, little, teensy-weensy problem the others had forgotten about in the arrival of Yor Love.

Uh-huh, a princess about to go berserk for lack of a plan to do anything else that would gain attention.

"EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP! ALL THOSE I INVITED ARE GOING TO COME WITH ME, AND WE'RE GOING TO TAME THE DRAGON, WHILE THE REST OF YOU IDIOTS GO BACK TO THE PALACE AND HARASS ANYONE ELSE AS LONG AS IT IS NOT ME!" With a traditional stomp for good measure, Tranquility (really doesn't live up to her name, does she?) reached out to grasp Kiaba's cloak and drag him with her down the steps.

Whoa-ho-ho! Just how would Kiaba take to that, do you suppose? That's right; he wouldn't. And, as he had been gathering together his magical energy in case the witch needed to provide him with some amusement, he was prepared to let it all out in a blast of power.

But he actually hesitated a split second before releasing all the cosmic forces and instead narrowed his eyes dangerously at her. And don't get any funny ideas—he's not becoming the least bit attached to her.

The heart stopping suddenly from the shock, Tranquility stumbled mid-stride and released everything as she crumpled to the floor, as close to a faint as the strong-hearted maiden had ever been.

Raging back to her feet, the princess was about to do something even stupider than Axel would ever do (I don't think he would have actually gone through with it, do you? I think he was glad his friends halted him), that being attack Kiaba. But, seeing his steady little smirk (not daring to look into his eyes), she recalled just what she wanted him alive for and merely brushed off her breeches. Then, with a toss of her head, Tranquility went down the spiraling stairs.

* * *

Kiaba's eyes were still narrowed and able to do damage to anyone's heart who saw The Look. Unfortunately, the sorcerer had forgotten all about how he appeared and was so used to glaring that he didn't realize this wasn't a glare but a Glare.

"Um, brother Kiaba?"

Turning his focus on his younger brother, the sorcerer was not pleased that Mugguba was not looking him in the eye. His face was averted and a slightly deeper shade of pink than usual.

Put'oh, hand fumbling slightly because he, too, would not look his own twin in the eye, yanked down the hood of Kiaba's self-levitating cloak to cover his eyes. About to downright snarl in annoyance and put on his Glare, Kiaba suddenly realized why they were doing what they did. His Glare was already on.

Getting back out of the Glare, especially in the frustration that the others had been the one to notify him of it, was not simple, especially when there was a snickering sound coming from someone else in the room.

Now, the snickering was not at all intended for Kiaba, but as so usually happens, when one feels like he is the center of attention for embarrassment, one will interpret everything as having a meaning for himself. The snigger, or rather, giggle (but Kiaba would never classify any sound as such a useless one), was coming from a different conversation.

"Eh? Who are you again?"

The witch was grabbing The Sir Prince Axel's arm, and with her perfectly manicured nails (oh, yeah, that's been around for quite some time, unfortunately) she hid a giggle.

"I'm Yor Love."

"You…you are?" Axel turned a deep red. Then, unable to suppress a broad if dorky grin, he added, "Of course you are. Who couldn't resist the charm of a newly-princed prince? Especially one that had been a knight not too long ago?"

Well, hearing those things officially wiped the Glare from Kiaba's face. In fact, he was close to gaping in astonishment. But, before he could sink so low as to have such a reaction from a mere _peasant_ somehow turned prince, the sorcerer went down the stairs. Muggy clattered down after him, and with a sigh, Put'oh followed.

* * *

(1): Solomon (Grandpa) from "Solemn" to "Somber."

A/N: Well, how'd you like the surprise length? I just had to keep that section together or confuse people…I was confused when I was writing it in bits and pieces (yes, that's sad).

Finally, this is seriously as much as I have, so the update will truly be slow after this. I mean, I have one page of what happens next and another page of something that happens soon, but I haven't led up to it yet. So, rest and forget everything that's happened while I study dates and names and little tidbits, growing completely bored so that I have to type a couple sentences on my stories or risk going mad. Madder, I mean, of course.


	23. Walking Onward towards the Climax Perhap...

**Chapter 23 Walking Onward towards the Climax Perhaps!**

Iheezu had been plenty patient. But she wasn't used to be ignored for minutes at end. Finally, the fortune teller strode up to Barleyo and tapped him sternly on the shoulder.

"Do you want me to look into my crystal ball to see your future?"

The almost-albino turned in surprise, but his look of surprise changed to a glare. "I care nothing for the future, woman." About to turn aside and look anxiously to the door again, Egomaniac whipped around once more. "Wait! Tell me if I will have riches and the world!"

Smiling, Iheezu pulled out her crystal ball and began to chant over it.

"I see…"

Egomaniac peered over more closely, anxious to catch sight of gold in the foggy depths.

"I see a split personality arguing all the time over what to do…chains binding…piles of riches—"

"Mine!"

Getting annoyed, Iheezu lost her affected voice and glowered. "Just let me finish." Then, half-closing her eyes once more and slipping into her old way of speaking, she said, "I see a great death for you…actually, more than one. How strange…no less than fifty-nine times you will die."

That was old news, and fed-up with the useless woman, Egomaniac was about to rip the ball from her hands and search for the gold himself. Because he was so caught up in his future, however, Princess Tranquility slipped out behind him without him being able to throttle her first.

_Let me out!_ Barleyo had finally come to realize that his consciousness was stuffed away in some old, water-logged chains half his life now, and he knew just who was behind it. _You're my kin, supposed to protect me because of your curse!_

_Oh, shut it. I _am_ protecting you! By controlling your body, I have the best ways of keeping you safe from harm!_

_That isn't right_, Barleyo protested weakly.

Egomaniac gave a cackle that only sounded in his mind. _Yes, it is! Now stop pestering me! I have a fortune to make!_

Any more protests were squeezed out of Egomaniac's mind as he triumphantly regained complete control. All this chatting was making him rather hungry…and bored, so he turned to see his nightmares a reality.

There was Tranquility, marching away with the Gruffs and her godmother following.

"Blasted!" The thief charged after the others, chains rattling along behind.

Iheezu looked up, frowning. "There's a fee you have to pay, you know! Get back here!" Gathering up her crystal ball, she clutched her unpractical skirts in one hand and followed the crowd.

* * *

"How in all Ferula and everywhere else did _he_ manage to snag such a beauty?" Clothier muttered to de Vlin. Mind you, he didn't really care. He loved Princess Serenity after all. Right? 

"He is a prince, and we are not, since…" the earl cast a look around. "Why be we not princes, minstrel good? Do we not dress the part for their neighborhood?"

"No, that isn't it. Look how that fool, Axel, looks. He was just lucky for once. Darn him! Let's go. No need to stick around here. We'd be better off chasing Tranquility."

The two looked at each other, burst out laughing, and linked arms as they tread down the stairs.

"I must continue to assist my dear princess!" Lemonade, wishing she could stay to flirt with both hairy/hairless wonders, fled down the stairs much like a certain character when the clock struck midnight, I presume. But she didn't lose her shoes because they were way too tight on her feet so they would look small. And of course, those two wonders pursued her.

"Now it's just us," the witch said with a smile. "I have so much to show you and tell you, dear Axel. Come to my tub and we'll leave this dreaded tower."

The Sir Prince Axel gulped. A tub? And really, the witch was taking things a bit too fast for his liking. I mean, he was the _knight_. He was supposed to do the pursuing, not the other way around!

"There is something first that I must do, fair maiden!"

He leaped over to the windowsill, and dramatically waved at Yor, who was quickly becoming whiter than any rouge could make her. Then, the moron jumped.

It was a jump like rock climbers perform (there have always been rocks and people on them, so there have always been rock climbers), holding onto a rope as they do mini jumps down the cliff, feet using the wall as a pushing point. And Axel's rope? The creeping hair, of course!

Unfortunately for Axel's short-term memory problem, he had forgotten it didn't go all the way to the bottom of the tower. Abruptly, just as he was giving a gallant smile to the frantic witch in the window, his hands slid down the end of the hair as he went down, ready to grasp the next section…but there was no next section. Within seconds, he had fallen to the ground.

"Aaaaaaaaaaxxxxxxxxxxxeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllll!" Yor Love screamed. Of course, being but a minor witch, her magic was very useless in saving him. They mainly only worked for herself. And she couldn't concentrate clearly anyway.

Having the best timing in the world, de Vlin and Clothier had just arrived at the bottom of the tower panting from their race (a tie, of course), and Axel plummeted right on top of them.

Oof.

* * *

A princess in a rage could only huff along for so much time, especially with a certain somebody following her. Or rather, _two_ certain someones. 

Don't even think Put'oh; she could hardly have cared if he died (poor fellow! I love you! Put'oh, Seto, Kaiba, Kiaba? What's the difference? After all, they have equal intelligence, equal rugged good looks, equal cynicism and wit, equal maturity, equal frozen blue eyes…oops, getting carried away. Maybe I need a boyfriend. I know, Kenshin! Sigh. He's an anime character, he's an anime character! Not real…drat it.)

And her godmother/godfather? -scoff- Yeah, right.

No, it was obviously the presence of Kiaba who she was respecting a little too much and cute little Muggy. Remember the face he cast her way awhile back? Well, she had missed it, but the boy's charm was already working on her.

The real aspect that made her slow her pace just slightly was this conversation:

"If you don't do something with that arm, you know what's going to happen. It will never realign itself properly, you'll be stuck taking drugs that will forever change the gene pool, and everyone will suffer from your obdurateness." (1)

Aw, Put'oh's worried about his twin! (Don't ever ask which one is older.)

With a scoff, Kiaba never even glanced at him. As machine-like as he was, it was doubtful he felt anything in his arm at all. Perhaps it wasn't even a broken bone at all but some gear loose…

"I do know, and I could care less if it is realigned properly, I never take drugs, and I won't reproduce, so there's no cause to worry about me corrupting the gene pool." His small smirk played at the end of his lips as he saw his brother, his wonderful-eloquent-public-speaker-to-improve-the-world brother suffer from not knowing what to say.

Well, heh, heh, Mr. Kiaba, two can play at that game…

"But, brother, it isn't good to leave it broken, is it? I mean…" Muggy expertly let his voice drift off as his mournful eyes looked directly into his older brother's hard orbs. Hanging his head in shame, the boy whispered, "I don't like knowing that you're hurt. I want to help you, but I can't. For all the times you've helped me, I just want to return the favor. But you won't let me by helping yourself."

"Puppy-dog looks of Doom" I have seen them referred to, but, puppy-dogs weren't around yet. Just hounds. So, Mugguba opened his eyes wide, wide enough that they began to tear almost over the edge. (Oh, yes, another picture reference. Tell me if you haven't seen this guy! I will direct you to the nearest help station! At the end of the first Virtual World Arc, when Mokuba is thanking Yugi and the gang…he looks up with such a sad expression on his face—yet he is saying thanks. I'm confused—and is too cute to be allowed.)

With a little muttered phrase, Kiaba passed a hand over his other arm. A small grinding sound echoed into the air and left them all grimacing. But Kiaba, as you could guess, did not grimace.

Or rather, not until he heard a certain someone catching up behind him…

But we're not there yet.

* * *

With the world spinning like a flying saucer (sighting of those have always been around), Earl and Tanner just let their heads thunk to the ground. Axel was surprised but not moving. 

"That's odd. What an astounding leap of bravery I just did to save you two goons from knocking into each other!"

Twin groans of annoyance and utter frustration escaped the two poets' lips in a form very unpoetic-like. Being who he was, Axel never noticed. But he did jump off in a rush in order to go reach out a hand to help Yor Love who was going to jump out the window after him.

Or so he had thought.

Amazingly, while the author could have done a parallel to a certain jump from a pole into Joey, I mean Axel's arms, it (yes, I'm a thing not a person) opted to make Yor Love slightly more intelligent than her love.

She was going carefully down the center of the stairs, levitating in a rush to find the broken bits of The Sir Prince scattered on the ground.

What a surprising and embarrassing reunion to anyone not of the hugging couple. That merely meant that de Vlin and Tanner raced away from the two, leaving behind the rest as they shouted for the group ahead to slow down.

* * *

Finally, the only people left in the tower, finally nearing the bottom, were Lemonade, Kun, and _finally_ Sama-san-dono. Both the latter were waiting for the other to leave. But it didn't happen. 

"Kun, don't you—" Sama-san-dono started.

"I think you ought—" Kun began at the same time.

Both glared at one another.

Lemonade, rushing to catch up to her princess, did not make good time because of her shoes. Other than that, with the corset ruined, she could actually get enough air to breathe. Still, Axel and Yor easily kept ahead of her, and they were strolling.

With her priorities on the princess, she did not know what the other two were doing. Or rather, Lemonade pretended she didn't know. But in reality, every ounce of her being was attuned to them and their argument.

Hey, whoa, it wasn't an argument yet! Kun was instead muttering furiously to himself as he put his hat through odd contortions. But, as you could guess, nothing useful happened. At least, not useful to Kun. Having a very flexible hat might have come in handy had he been traveling through a certain country where hats were used for tricks all the time. To sneak by guards, one had to merely mesmerize them with hat tricks first. Or, as they really approved; their way of money was through hat tricks and the more complicated, the more it was worth. Kun, however, did not care for all the hat tricks he was doing or all the random things he was pulling out of his hat because Sama-san-dono still was walking nearby.

Rabbits, doves, bananas, silken scarves…Kun was leaving an entire trail that would make it easy for people to follow them.

I must be paranoid…why on earth would anyone be following them?

Sama-san-dono, seeing his other self preoccupied, gave a smirk and walked up to Lemonade.

"You seem to be having trouble walking, fair Lemonade. Might I aid you?"

Oh, geez, he had taken a lesson from the courtly voices of Earl and Clothier. Oh, and Axel. While the lady-in-waiting loved to hear such flattery coming out in ever nuance of tone, when Sama-san-dono put a hand on her arm, she whipped around and slapped him across the face. Hard.

"Don't touch me! I'm a lady-in-waiting for the Princess Tranquility, and no one is worth losing my job over! How else would I manage to keep up with the newest fashions?"

Well, Sama-san-dono was very confused (no doubt you are, too), but the king and queen hired only the best to be ladies-in-waiting for their daughters. Any hint, any whiff of the loss of innocence (even just being escorted by a member of the opposite sex!) and she would lose her position. Flirting, however, was allowed and expected.

And then, completely changing her tone, Lemonade added, "Don't you think I look absolutely stunning in the newest fashions?"

Well, Sama-san-dono was not about to take a chance to be slapped again. It _hurt_, and he was ashamed to admit he was frightened of it, but he was. The girl had a great arm on her. He worried it came from a lot of practice. So he merely gave a nervous smile and slowed his pace just enough that Kun was slightly closer.

Maybe the djinni was willing to let Kun have the girl. Because really, oblivious to all as Kun continued to do random acts to his hat, the short guy never noticed the slap at all. When he pulled out a white steed from his felt hat, he paused for a moment, shrugged, and kept digging and twisting and pulling and yanking…

"Kun!" Sama-san-dono roared. "Catch that beast!"

Of course, his shout startled the horse and it dashed off ahead of them, tossing its head and snorting.

Racing after the stallion, the djinni wished for once, that he was a genie. He might have been able to float along then instead of using his two legs. Life wasn't fair.

* * *

(1) : Thanks for the suggestion, Tawnykit! 


	24. Enter a New Character!

**Chapter 24 Enter a New Character!**

The horse, as you could have guessed it, had run right by everyone else. And after he had caught up to the others, Sama-san-dono had slowed to a walk, embarrassed to be running frantically when everyone else was going at a leisurely pace.

I'm getting lost again. Role call: Princess Tranquility/Blaydelot was leading them, of course, followed closely by Somberon and Mugguba and therefore Put'oh. Kiaba was walking somewhere nearby, but not close enough to make it look like he was actually following anyone. Well, his proud stride never made it look like he was following anyone. Most likely, he never thought he was. Everyone else was just abnormally, immaturely excited and going ahead of him at the risk of their own lives.

Eyes narrowed, Egomaniac, who never was letting Barleyo out for his own exercise, was following after the sorcerer and keeping watch on the princess. Iheezu was admonishing him repeatedly, but he was used to ignoring Barleyo and found it no struggle to ignore the fortune teller.

Then were both de Vlin and Tanner, looking at the djinni who had just gone by them like he was nuts, which he was.

Taking up the rear was Kun still digging around in his hat and nearby, the lady-in-waiting.

No…wait…there were two people even further back. Axel and the witch. Not good. Axel was growing increasingly frightened and telling the witch to hurry as she loaded her tub again and again…

"Now wait just a moment, beloved knight! I can't leave it like this! My lipstick will be mushed."

"Come on, come on. They're getting ahead of us! And from what you just told me, the princess commonly gets into adventures. She can't help it! We have to catch up. Maybe I still have the adventuring ability in me somewhere."

Oh, yes, clap a little for The Sir Prince Axel putting together Yor Love's words on the princess to his own desire to adventure.

"You don't like that little underdressed princess better than _me_, do you, Axel?"

As men commonly mistake, Axel did not realize the dangerous ground he was treading, even if Yor's voice sounded like it was teasing and only pouting.

DANGER: soon-to-be-temper-tantrum-ing witch! And a witch's temper tantrum is even worse than a princess's because a witch has some sort of magical power.

"Eh, better?" Poor Axel and his attempt to figure out her words' meanings. "Better? Well, she's a princess. I guess she is your better."

Reddening, blushing, raging, pinkening, clenching, warming, envying, angering, stalking, and slapping. Those were what the witch was doing all at once.

"Owowowowowow." Axel put a hand to his face, which was swiftly reddening, but not as much as Yor Love's was. He watched her march smartly away with a toss of her hair and finger. The reason for the finger became obvious as the tub rose and followed her.

"I don't get it." But, as the witch was going in the right direction, he started off after her.

* * *

Finally, insert Kiaba's grimace when he became aware of Axel catching up to them. But the approaching scenery stopped him from doing any lethal damage. This time. 

A huge forest with a foggy cloud hanging over it was just ahead of everyone. No birds chirped within it, and the closeness of the trees was suffocating.

Immediately before the forest was a fast-flowing river that emptied into the sea, where they had come from. De Vlin looked at the water and shuddered, running a hand nervously over his hair. No bridge was in sight. But the water plunged into the forest itself, so crossing it was unnecessary.

Blaydelot had ceased to move, and she drew her sword. Then, the princess turned back to the others.

"I know this forest. Now, everyone needs to be careful. If you don't keep close to the person directly ahead of you, something dreadful may happen. This forest is known for losing travelers…" She grinned at the final words, probably anticipating that happening to her and what fun it would be. The others were not quite so thrilled to hear that.

Somberon cast a glance into the gloomy depths and shuddered. "Don't we have anywhere else we can go? Why can't we go back to the palace?"

"You can. I've told you that before. And I want to go this way. It's shorter to get to the dragon's mound and it's more amusing."

The fairy godmother groaned. At the least, he had a bandanna that would enable him to fly to escape any predators…or so he thought.

Egomaniac, sensing that when the princess was surrounded by so many people was not the best time to threaten her, retreated. Barleyo was finally back, but the young man had no memory of what had been happening.

"Where's the money you owe me? I foresee the future for a price!"

The white-haired, chained young man blinked, dark eyes wide and innocent. "Wh-what do you mean?" he asked. Feeling all over his person, Barleyo knew he had no money on him.

"You don't remember?"

"No?"

Iheezu looked closely at Barleyo, her mind racing to figure out this young man's game…or truths. As a fortune teller, of course she knew how to read people. And that was what was causing problems. This young man was telling the truth! Impossible!

Muggy was anxious to get going into the damp woods where, conveniently, his name would take on a different meaning. And, as usual, Put'oh was unpleased by the present predicament.

"We're not going through there. The princess isn't exaggerating when she says it loses travelers. Four-hundred seventy-three to be exact."

"Four seventy-seven," Kiaba added lowly, eyes on the woods.

"Oh?" Put'oh whirled on the one calling his memory to question. "And who would those extra four be?"

"None of your business." The sorcerer smirked and crossed his arms.

"It is my business if you are telling me I'm wrong and won't tell me why."

The twins looked at each other uncaring, cold look for stubborn, angering look. Finally, Muggy jumped between them, but his minor height deficiency aided him not a bit. So he dragged over Somberon, shoved the large fairy to the ground, and climbed atop his back. Only once he jumped into the air did he manage to make both twins stop the staring contest, and they each grabbed one of Muggy's arms. Not the same arm, either! They must have practiced.

But, of course, as usual, so predictably, the boy slipped from their grasp and plopped to the ground, rubbing his bum. At least Somberon had rolled out of the way as soon as the boy's feet had propelled him into the air and off the fairy's back. It was the first time the old man had moved so quickly.

"That's it! I've had it! Boys attacking fairies? We've lost all our respect. I'm going home where I'm appreciated!"

Being appreciated seemed like a great adjective, so, spur of the moment, as the fairy godmother was floating away from his bandanna, Iheezu grabbed his legs and held on like a monkey or a vine. And if he were the godmother to the royal family…well, they had plenty of money to spare to have their fortunes told…

"Good, those idiots are gone."

Tranquility turned back to the forest and began marching again, oblivious to any distractions or protests. While the departure of the two party members made an alternative (namely, turn tail and run—or fly), none of the others left. There were just too many reasons to stay.

* * *

"Remember to be careful," Put'oh was reminding Muggy who had refused to use his head and go back home. 

"I know!" The boy raced closer after Tranquility, who was picking a path through the trees shrouded in mist and snaky branches.

The words of warning fell on two sets of dead ears (just two?). Tanner and de Vlin were staring off into the distant gloom of the trees where something seemed to glimmer and glisten.

"Could it be? Something far more beauteous than Serenity?"

"Look at that tree…noble and tall, striking and free."

Yes, both of them had sunk into verse, even Mr. Free-versifier. And they stumbled off down the path to the tree they had caught sight of, not even noticing the others fading behind them.

"What bark, what skin, what glorious honor to win."

"This tree is thus inscribed: to honor me, I can be bribed. Give me a perfect name, and then free will I be yours to tame."

"A perfect name?"

"Why, 'Serenity' would be lame."

"Something much more moving and stirring."

"A single word that would be alluring."

"What say you to this?"

"Pick well, for I'll want a kiss."

They looked at each other and suddenly grinned. Together they shouted, "Serenity, Tranquility, Equanimity will be outdone! This one shall be Calmity with a glowing beauty of the sun!"

When those kinds of things happen, it is obvious someone rehearsed it. How can people come up with the exact same verses at the exact same time? Well, don't worry; these two read the script and practiced a lot before this scene.

The question you've all probably been waiting for: what kind of tree was this? Well, a mahogany one, of course. Or rather, it used to be. Now, the wood trembled and vibrated as something seemed to crawl under the bark like a shiver.

The two young men stared enraptured as the tree changed its form to something more humanoid…

* * *

A soft whickering came from nearby, and the princess stopped moving with a perturbed frown. 

Sama-san-dono thought it sounded familiar, but he did not want to be reminded of what amounted to his failure to catch a stallion. He glanced back at Kun, who had just dropped his shoulders and let out a terrible sigh.

"I can't find it." Then, the short young man put his hat back on his head.

"What were you looking for?" Muggy asked.

Blushing, Kun thought for a long time. "I…don't remember."

Glaring at them anew, Blaydelot restrained herself from stomping a foot once more. "Excuse me," she said in a cold voice, "but I believe I just noticed something nearby and I want answers. Now."

The witch was busy examining her nails that were _so_ much better manicured than the princess's own. In fact, everything about Yor Love was better than Tranquility and Lemonade if you simply asked the witch. I mean, someone like Blaydelot wasn't even allowed in a fairy tale, with her hewn/hacked hair to her manly breeches to her adventuresome spirit and lack of need for damsel-aid to her unshaven legs and well-muscled body. Nope, not allowed in a fairy tale. So if that idiot Axel was going to be madly in love with such an annoying anti-feminine character, well….he wasn't worth her time. But Yor was up for a competition. She refused to lose.

Thus far, traveling in the forest was not something she preferred, and she only walked because her tub was too large to float along next to everyone with all the trees. Instead, it was above the woods at the moment.

The tub was probably the only thing that could have a chance to see what was happening with the nicker and whinnies nearby. Well, until people began to stealthily sneak toward it.

As the steps came nearer to the horse sounds, the usual dry twigs and leaves seemed to multiply in an attempt to make them startle whatever was taking place nearby. But, for the most part, people were semi-quiet.

When the white coat came into view, Tranquility slowed down just enough to make the others stop, and then she leaned a little farther to see into the small clearing.

Her mouth fell open, for there, before her, was another extraordinary beast she had forgotten in her desire to make a name for herself. But her mind was already plotting for a way to use this one…

Flapping its immense, feathered, silvery white wings, the winged horse was sniffing the stallion that Kun had freed. And so, the princess knew this was her chance. She lunged.

Like any bird or wild beast, the horses threw up their heads and rolled their eyes. Or in the case of the winged horse, just one eye. The stallion was merely going to charge away, but the winged horse's instinct was to take to the air. And gaining altitude took time. So Tranquility managed to mount its back and grasp resolutely to its silken silvery mane, legs clamped tightly behind the wings.

The others gasped and stared as the princess rode the now-bucking "Pegasus," and some were immediately jealous. The stallion, however, was enraged and prancing around the clearing and the Pegasus, trying to bite a huge wad of flesh out of Tranquility. He wasn't about to leave his new friend, after all.

Axel took the opportunity to race over to the stallion and attempt to mount it. But he promptly slid off and nearly was trampled except for the witch's instant magical protective shield. All thoughts of competition gone, she ran over to check up on her beloved ex-knight.

"That horse has silver hair! And a gold eye! I need it!" Egomaniac muttered to himself before dashing into the tiny clearing himself, ignoring Barleyo's mental screams that the spirit was going to kill their body.

Of course, Muggy wanted to catch a ride on the Pegasus and ran over to the clearing, making both brothers adamant to put a halt to events. Thinking all he could do was try shouting what he had before ("CEASE!"), Put'oh opened his mouth to begin, but Kiaba snatched away any victory he was going to have. Instead, the sorcerer cast a quick spell that made everyone, including the horses, in the clearing move slower.

A passing wolf stopped and gaped. And of course, right near it, was Fabecca Falconins, skipping down the path to the gingersnap house. She quickly dug out a camera and snapped a few shots of the bizarre images and hurried away. The little, annoying, teddy bear-holding, no-role-but-for-an-understudy brat now had blackmail material…

Put'oh, unaffected by the spell, as he had not been in the clearing, waded within and grabbed Muggy who for once was unable to slither away. Well, he could, but he was so slow that the environmentalist was able to snatch him again.

In the meantime, Tranquility determinedly grasped the mane tighter and waited as the horse rose slowly into the air to attempt its bucks that way. Or, once free of the trees, it would turn upside down.

"The…golden…eye!" Egomaniac got out, grabbing the winged horse's tail and refusing to let go. Dangling in the air as the beast rose, he struggled to climb up its backside and mount it better, but the horse was having none of it.

With a mighty back kick, the Pegasus landed a hoof into Barleyo's (for Egomaniac had retreated before the blow could land, of course) belly, sending the young man plummeting back into the trees with another of his award-winning damsel screams.

"I've had it with the woods. Look, a grass stain!" Yor Love gave a sharp whistle, and her tub hovered over the forest awaiting her ascent. "Come on!" She hauled Axel along with her as they levitated to the tub, finding no room to sit. Still, a perch on luggage was better than being down below where a mad, albeit slow, stallion was still rampaging.

Sighing, the witch asked, "I bet you still want to follow the princess, huh, hon?"

At the moment, The Sir Prince Axel was just mutely nodding to everything, so the tub took off after the angry Pegasus where Tranquility still was perched tightly.

And down below, havoc still reigned as the Gruff brothers tried to leave the area and certain others were harassing them, finally having realized that Earl and Tanner were missing.

"We can't go on without them!"

"We aren't going on at all," Put'oh said.

But his twin smirked once more. "I am. And I'm using teleportation."

Kun stared at him. "Why didn't you just do that before?" When the sorcerer failed to answer, the short young man continued to look at him oddly. "Well, then why don't you go to the other two, find them, and then teleport them to us?"

Lemonade was staring up at the sky, twisting her hands. "I can't leave the princess!" She was about to go dashing off into the brush, but Sama-san-dono, forgetting his slap from before, grabbed her arm to halt her. When he recalled the pain, he winced in anticipation, but apparently, such an action was allowed by the rules of propriety. It gave the lady-in-waiting an excuse to just stand there and weep, after all, without having to go rush after her charge.

While Put'oh moaned on having such a stubborn brother, Kun was getting ready to look for the missing two on his own, but Sama-san-dono did have two hands, and he grabbed his other self with his second one. Seeing the djinni standing there, arms wide as he gripped two people tightly, made all the Gruffs look amused.

"The other two will make it out fine, I'm sure," Kiaba commented. Then, he added, "I have enough power to teleport us _all_ to the dragon's mound. And we'll beat the princess."

"No! We don't want to go—" Put'oh started.

"Yes, we do!" Muggy shouted even louder.

The others just gaped a bit as a light suffused them and made them see only pure whiteness.

* * *

And Barleyo? 

You guessed it.

Glug glug.

Again.


	25. Too Common a Number to End on, so Not Ye...

**Chapter 25 Too Common a Number to End on, so Not Yet the End!**

Tanner stared at the now female-looking figure in a garment made of tree bark and leaves. Could it be…?

"A dryad, one of the lovely folk," de Vlin murmured. "Here could I stand and gaze, let you my eyes soak."

Now, this figure was not strictly a dryad. Not by the Fairy Tale Slash Fantasy Rule Book. No, they were different. But as such a creature did not have another name, she can simply be called dryad, especially considering the one calling her that was not exactly the smartest of the troupe.

"Calmity," both of them breathed as the creature opened her greenish-brownish-yellowish-reddish eyes. With a faint smile, the dryad put a hand to her chest area. Already, she knew her name.

Now, what exactly is the point of introducing another character so late in the story? She must be useful to the plot somehow, mustn't she? Dang…I need to think. Let's go somewhere else.

* * *

Glug glug once more. Poor Barleyo. And do you think Egomaniac is going to help him? No, of course not. He had died already so many times that another death wasn't going to shock him. Well, it wouldn't shock him, but if he ever realized that when Barleyo died, he too, would be _gone_, he might have had a different reaction. 

But as he had landed in the swiftly-flowing stream that connected to the ocean, lo! and behold, what would save him but the undine that had been so taken with him before. She had been following them as far as possible, of course. And it was her arms that swept him away with the current, saving Barleyo from terrible bruising from hitting the stones of the riverbed.

Now, what shocked the young man more? Falling through the air into a river from a height, or having an undine smiling at him as she swam him away? The undine, of course.

_Foolish mortal!_ Egomaniac growled. _Enough nonsense! Stop flirting and get out of the water!_

But Barleyo had no way to disentangle himself from the water sprite's powerful arms, and losing air as he was pulled under the water, he could do nothing but stare at the face of his savior.

Growling in his mind, Egomaniac took over and lunged with his teeth at the undine. With an underwater screech, she dropped him abruptly…no longer was this creature her utter adoration. The undine pumped frantically to get back to her unsullied sea…the waters that held the depths and sparkles of her memory of her beloved Barleyo untainted by this evil _thing._

Snickering, Egomaniac surfaced on the water, throwing back his head (neck-ache for poor Barleyo!) and laughing at the sky.

"Now, I've just to find and follow the princess and snag her riches and I'll be happy. Once I'm ruling the world, of course."

* * *

"I don't like your powers. Are you going to try to take over the world some day?" Sama-san-dono glowered at the sorcerer from where the group had suddenly appeared under an awning. 

Most dragons made homes in caves, but this isn't a normal fairy tale. It is listed under "parody" for a reason. The Old-Eyes Off-White Dragon made its home in the midst of a field, having a nest like a bird's. Only, instead of twigs, grasses and trees became the making of the nest.

Away over the fields, a faint trail of smoke drifted lazily into the sky. That was what Kiaba was watching as he smirked at the djinni's words.

"Are you?" Sama-san-dono demanded.

"Why would you think that?" Muggy demanded right back. "My brothers are geniuses and they're going to _save_ the world!"

The djinni and wannabe-knight glared at each other, not being too different in height, much to Sama-san-dono's dismay.

Lemonade stared at the smoke drifting, turning white. She was all for serving the princess in many of her monstrous plans, but taming a _dragon?_ And the princess wasn't even in sight.

Wait. She was wrong.

There, careening toward them on a frantic winged horse came Princess Tranquility. And speeding along behind were Axel and Yor Love. What was most amusing, however, was that the stallion, before white, was still galloping after his Pegasus friend from the ground. Now, his coat was brown and stinky. The lady-in-waiting looked at Kiaba in relief. Teleporting had truly come in handy. She was glad she wasn't _dirty._

* * *

The Old-Eyes Off-White Dragon sat on The Mound That Was His. Most dragons hoarded treasure and sat upon piles of wealth that could encrust into their belly, kind of like Smaug. But not the Old-Eyes Off-White Dragon. Nope, no treasure for him. 

Treasure wasn't comfortable to sit on!

Instead, this dragon just lounged about (he was called "Old-Eyes" for a reason!) on his mound of soft grass and dirt. A mound commonly found in meadows. Just an everyday, commonplace, found everywhere mound.

Well…it was a burial mound, actually.

But the dragon didn't know about all the odd and ends of warriors buried beneath him. His sense of smell was leaving him, after all.

So the dragon sat on The Mound That Was His as he rested, sending his plume of smoke drifting slowly into the sky. Breathing lightning gave him bad breath, after all, and he was trying to make it smell a little nicer (really bad breath if the dragon could smell it) by releasing all the toxins. He'd been trying for years.

And so, his light blue eyes gazing at the sky as he lay dreaming of a boy with black hair and his older brother riding him, Old-Eyes rested peacefully.

* * *

Tranquility took a flying leap. Did you expect her to do anything else? And where was she aiming? Well, she never exactly "aims." Not in her character. But I suppose I'm feeling generous, so the Blaydelot part of her was aiming for the running, filthy stallion. 

And knowing me, no one is going to land well.

Ouch.

Did Kiaba, her "wonderful benefactor, maybe even partner," raise a finger to help her fall?

Of course not. That would have encouraged her. And the witch was too busy flirting with Axel and despising the princess to help. The only one who did was Kun. He raced over to try to catch her, but he was far too slow. Muggy joined him, eyes wide, and Put'oh even came over to check her vitals.

No such luck on her being dead.

Nope, the princess dusted herself off with a scowl on not being caught, but she soon grinned again, trapped in the heat of the adventure. The dragon was so close…

The tub landed softly nearby, well, as softly as a load of bags and passengers could. The Pegasus, however, just flew on, kicking his heels at the princess before flying away back to the forest. The stallion rolled his eyes, mouth flicking foam, and stood there gasping. With an annoyed flick of his tail, the beast turned tail and trotted back to the forest, his haste and clean coat wasted.

"So, are we all here?" Sama-san-dono asked gruffly, still upset on how short he was. Maybe he ought to turn back into the giant. At least then no one was taller than he was. But Kun hadn't been able to get rid of him yet…and maybe the djinni didn't know how to turn back either. But he'd never admit it.

"I'm here, but I don't think I want to be," moaned Lemonade, acting like the stereotypical dependent girl. In fact, she would have been clinging to her savior but for the monarchs' rules.

The witch scoffed at the lady-in-waiting's words, and it spurred her on to cease concentrating on Axel, instead being her own woman…at least until she was on her own and could safely be away from the idiotic young woman and let out her own girly-girl attitude without fear of the others deeming her a copier.

"I'm here; Axel, my darling, is here; the princess is here; the Gruffs, all three, are here; the little guy and his djinni is here; you're here; those other nuisances are gone. What more do you want?"

"Barleyo! Barleyo and de Vlin and Tanner are gone!" Axel yelped. "Where'd they go?"

No one could answer. The only sound was the trickling brook, where a pasty pale, dead-in-the-water-too-long, smelly, pus-covered, scabby, flaking arm reached out and grasped the ground to haul its bloated body out of the river.

Sigh. Darn. Was too into that funny-that-was-supposed-to-be-scary show that was on television. The arm was pasty pale, it's true, but nothing exceptional. And it belonged to a body that had relations to having been dead, but as Egomaniac was but a spirit inhabiting him, his decayed body fish bits, I just exaggerated a little.

Barleyo had arrived, escaping the undine once more without getting whacked over the head and married before he knew what happened to him (who would do that to a person? –innocent look-) thanks to his ancient ancestor.

"Barleyo!"

Kun jumped over and helped haul his relatively new friend out of the water. Muggy and Put'oh helped, and Axel tried, but somehow, he just ended up in the water and needed to be pulled out as well.

Finally, everyone, well, everyone but Earl and Clothier, was on the bank and waiting. Waiting for the princess to tell them what the plan was.

"Princess?"

Silence.

"The little twit went off without us!" Put'oh growled.

Muggy frowned and peered around anxiously. "Not without all of us! Brother Kiaba went with, too!"

Everyone looked around the long grass and wondered just where the other two were and if there was soon going to be a VERY angry dragon coming their way.

* * *

Calmity, and her purpose to the plot, is who we return to. Her purpose? To keep these suckers away from the dragon as long as possible! No doubt, with some hymn of courage or some epic tale to spur on the adventure, they'd ruin the entire ordeal. 

So, the dryad that wasn't a dryad was dashing between the trees at that very moment, giggling as she flew gracefully between the undergrowth and trunks, looking more natural than a squirrel. Of course, the other two idiots were grinning like what they were and following.

"She loves me! Ah, yes, I see!"

"You? No, you're wrong; 'tis I she for whom she longs!"

And such was their dialogue as they followed after the girl eagerly, all thoughts of Princess Serenity completely forgotten. "Calmity" had replaced her. And rather quickly, too.

The girl/dryad never spoke a word, simply smiling as she went through the woods in a quick speed. The poets were unable to speak in awe as they struggled to keep up. All thoughts of their comrades had vanished by that point.

* * *

Their comrades were anxiously searching the grasses for the sorcerer and the princess, but the two seemed to have had this planned all along for how well they had escaped. If the others hadn't known Kiaba as well as they did, which wasn't very well at all, they would have believed that. But there was no way the sorcerer would have done anything as plan with the princess. 

So, as Put'oh was muttering as he walked in a great haste, his twin must have seen Tranquility depart and followed. Or maybe his brother had even left first. But they both had to have been going towards the trail of dragon smoke.

"Muggy, don't you—"

The boy was hurrying past, anticipating his brother's demand to be careful. When Put'oh paused to make fists, the rest of the group trumped past him, even Lemonade. So he kept following them.

Soon, voices, somewhat hushed, drifted through the long grass.

"You're supposed to make the dragon sleepy so I can climb onto its back."

From the pause, the others knew the Gruff was smirking. "And you think climbing its back will tame it?"

A muttered curse or something of the sort escaped the ears listening, and Blaydelot continued, "Just do it, sorcerer. I'll deal with any repercussions."

A low chuckle came from just nearby, but the others had ceased moving long ago in order to listen.

Kiaba narrowed his eyes at the princess as he listened to the dragon breathing from a scant twenty feet away. So old, it hadn't realized they had come so close. But, from somewhere deep within, Kiaba felt its presence like another younger brother to watch out for, and he didn't question gut feelings. He was a sorcerer, after all.

"Oh, will you? The repercussions of the dragon? The loss of its pride when it realizes that its perfect record of being untamable was crushed? The bruises from where you harass its back in your pounding of triumph to make it fly? The depression that is such a danger to old creatures that may very well take away its will to live? The life that may later suffer from the grouchiness of the lightning-breathing dragon for having to give a ride to the mortal? And even your own parents' approval that you've done something fresh and new?"

The princess was frowning now, eyes sparking. "No, I don't want any approval from my parents. If they approved this, I wouldn't be doing it. And you're starting to sound like your twin."

That was a dangerous line to say to Kiaba, but his face did not change. His eyes, however, were close to being a Glare.

"Do what you want, Your Highness, but I've something to do before I aid you in your endeavors."

Kiaba stood up and strode ahead before Tranquility could grasp at his cloak and kill herself. No one touched the sorcerer's self-levitating cloak.

* * *

The creature the two poets were following had dashed out into the meadow, still chuckling, and they stumbled on, giving their complete strength. All their attention was so focused on Calmity that they never realized they were headed towards a mound and a plume of smoke. 

The dryad-like creature abruptly vanished in the undergrowth, sinking into the ground, growing roots, as it were, and disappearing just beyond their sight.

"Lo! Where'd she go?"

The two stared around, looking all around as their eyes slowly focused on the gigantic dragon head suddenly before them, an old eye slowly opening and peering at them.

* * *

And Calmity? Well, it turns out she was the love of one of the countless bodies buried in the mound of the Old-Eyes Off-White Dragon and had been turned into a tree where she wept on the riverbank so horribly she had grown roots and long hair reaching towards the water's pull. There, stuck as a tree, the maiden waited to be free to return at long last to the place of burial with her love. 

And now she had.


	26. Do You Have Any Idea How Many Pages of U...

**Chapter 26 Do You Have Any Idea How Many Pages of Utter Nonsense You Just Completed?**

Kiaba released a large flare of light on the other side of the dragon's head, not even realizing the poets were helping cause havoc in the other eye of the beast.

Roaring and flapping enormous wings, the dragon took to the air in a great burst of speed to escape the terror before it. Terror and yet…something familiar. But the presence of the poets were not what it felt a connection to at all, and so the Old-Eyes Off-White Dragon flapped away in confusion, one eye blinded by light and maybe…fondness. But the other eye had reality, enabling its escape.

* * *

Smirking, Kiaba turned toward Princess Tranquility where she was raging behind him, staring at the dragon vanishing in the sky. 

"Now you won't tame the dragon. It's a wild creature, deserving to be free."

Not tame the dragon?

Let it be free!

Tranquility was infuriated.

"You're telling me that you agreed to come on this quest long ago, knowing how you were going to act the entire time? You were always planning on making the dragon fly away somewhere I'd never find it?"

Kiaba smirked.

"YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS!"

From where the rest of the group had raced towards them, Muggy whipped his head around, black tendrils flying. "What? My brother Kiaba never has any spare time. He's always busy doing something for an experiment or something! That's why my lessons are so hard to fit it."

The princess groaned loudly and marched off into the nearest woods that looked haunted. She needed an adventure to keep her mind off all the memories of what had just transpired. Or rather, what _hadn't_ transpired.

Huffily, Blaydelot marched off into the darkness, hoping that here was a chance for a way to make the fairy tales news. The others merely watched before turning towards de Vlin and Tanner, demanding what happened. Their story of a woman who had been a tree caused quite a few raised eyebrows. But no one bothered protesting.

"_Now_ can we finally get back to showing others how to preserve and conserve the natural ecosystems?" Put'oh asked.

Kiaba was still smirking and didn't respond, but it was obvious that Muggy still desired to seek out adventure.

"Didn't you have just a tiny bit of fun, brother Put'oh?"

"No."

"An ounce?"

"No."

"Teensy-weensy?"

"NO." Put'oh put a hand on Muggy to make the boy walk, ignoring any other protestations.

Sama-san-dono, Kun, Tanner, de Vlin, and Barleyo exchanged glances.

"Back to the palace?" Kun asked.

"For what reason?" Barleyo, or rather, Egomaniac, said bitterly, "The key to the royal treasure just walked into the Forest of Hungry Souls."

The witch nodded. "I wouldn't go back without proof the princess was never going to return…and I know the monarchs. Axel, hon, won't you go get her so you can drop her off far, far away where she'll never make it back to her parents again?"

"Me?" Axel gaped. "But I'm not a knight, I can't adventure. Send the djinni!"

"I am required to save the world only."

Lemonade was gazing in the forest, wondering if she had the courage to follow her mistress. She didn't. Instead, she whimpered at Sama-san-dono and Kun, begging them to go after the princess and bring her back. Kun might have, but even his courage failed him at the sound of the moaning spirits.

"Are you teleporting us back to your tower?" Put'oh asked his twin.

The sorcerer still did not reply; he was staring at the forest.

But who should come out of the trees immediately after the princess had entered them but Fabecca.

Fabecca laughing and holding up photos of the group carousing in the woods with the stallion and winged horse. Big prints. Posters. Billboard-sized. And, well, things had been _added_. Oh, yes, this was after cameras and computers able to digitally monitor photos because of something known as magic. And she shouted out to them that she was going to bring these pictures to the next town and show them off before passing them along everywhere, including the monarchs.

"Show…those?" Put'oh's face went white. "But, my good name will be tarnished! People will blame me for animal abuse!"

"My hair is a bit mussed! No one can see _those!_" The witch stared in shock.

The djinni also gasped. "Saving the world is important, but…those pictures can't be seen by anyone!" He jogged after the little girl, his real self following. Lemonade and the others were soon to follow.

"What if our beloved Calmity is within? Not to go would be a sin!"

The entire group followed the giggling Fabecca, some raging and muttering curses while the others just panted for breath to follow her form under the reaching, clutching trees. Even Put'oh was in pursuit with an excited Muggy next to him. Kiaba…whatever he did is quite debatable. But the rest were still following, even the knight-turned-prince unable to adventure and the witch and her tub in tow.

Into the Forest of Hungry Souls…

And thus they lived, for a little while at least, in search of high excitement and quests.

The End.

…

…

Come on, this is a parody. You knew it had to be anticlimactic and end in the middle.

…

…

…

…

Huh? I forgot something?

Out with it, then!

Oh, yes, I see…hmm, I did.

…

The clones.

Well, Kiaba was just doing experiments in his laboratory and eventually came up with how to clone others. Now are you finally done asking about that? It's not the least bit intriguing.


End file.
